 teacupz 12/25/11 . chapter 1just watched the Christmas movie yesterday and, just like you and some of the earlier reviewers, I'm certainly excited too of what will happen to the show. erm, I don't know... I guess Amy having another child is just something unexpected for me. _; I guess I'm just excited, overwhelmed, and happy of the fact; and thank you so much they're going to make the third season. I was kinda worried it's gonna end with the movie -cause I can't really imagine how complicated everything will be after the arrival of the fifth baby and what kind of 'role' should Charlie play then-, but glad there's a third season. ;D
and after being slightly out of topic -sorry _;-, erm... to the review, I guess...
first of all, the summary. it really represents the whole story and is indeed interesting, in my opinion. ;) it's nice to see your view about the Duncan kids always came in surprise, so thank you for putting them into this well-written story.
I like how neat your writing style is. the format and the nice amount of description make me feel really convenient to read until the end. also, you seem to develop the timeline greatly. I don't know... for me, it just has a nice flow and all the important scenes are in there. I also think that the description you put to tell that the time is... well, skipped, I guess... -not sure what's the right word, sorry _;- erm, yeah, I think it makes the timeline changes naturally so that it didn't seem like a rush. that's nice. ;3
and... erm... is it okay if I point some stuffs out? :3 well, I hope it is. heh. thank you; and feel free to correct me if I'm wrong or to disagree.
about [Duncan's], since the ones you used here -from the way I see it- seem to refer to the family than what the family owns, I think it's considerable to write it as [Duncans] instead. well, I'm not really sure about this, but after searching in google, I did find a source that exclaimed this is the righter way to write it, so... erm, I guess it'll be nicer if you search for more references cause I'm still not that sure, after all... _; -slapped-
then again, the first dialogue... well, I actually don't really consider this a 'problem', but I actually thought it was Amy that started the conversation until I read the next dialogue. I guess it can be made more certain if you add some kind of description about Bob saying the line, although I don't think it's necessary cause, like what I experienced, the next line already solves the confusion. :) ...and, erm... now I'm not sure why I told you about this... -slapped again-
these lines:
- She didn't know why she was so nervous, but Amy hated it. / well, subjectively, I found the sentence a little odd -sorry _;- cause of the placing of 'Amy'. even though there're only Bob and Amy in the scene, I, somehow, feel that the 'she' here is not Amy the first time I read it. _; I guess placing it in front or just using 'she' for the whole sentence can make it clearer -but I can see that it may sound a little flat if you decided to do that-. well... feel free to correct me. :)
- "I haven't been to the doctor yet, so this isn't one hundred percent positive yet, so please don't freak out. I'm pregnant again!" / about this one, I think there's a redundance of 'yet'. although, it sure can be seen that Amy said 'yet' twice cause she's under a big pressure or to empashize that the thing about the baby is still unsure. so... erm... I'm not sure again...? _; -irresponsible; slapped-
well, sorry for all that... hope you won't mind to correct me if I'm wrong, so... erm...
moving on, about the description again, I think it's kinda... I don't know; effective, I guess. the plot itself feels realistic. I don't know much about pregnancy, but I do know that pregnancy gets riskier if the mom already reaches forty and... well, I assume that the trimester is the time when the mother started to feel sick? :) well, sorry if I'm wrong, but if it's true, then I think you've done a really great job polishing all the logical stuffs. congratulations. ;D
on the other hand, I think you also did a great job with the dialouges. I've imagined Bob and Amy saying their lines and, for me, they sound like themselves -I think it'll be really easy to believe if Amy is blaming hormones as the reason she cried; great idea! XD- and they make the story feel more alive, I think. it sure is nice, considering that, in my opinion, too many logical stuffs without interaction or introspected emotion of the characters in a story can make it feel slightly flat. so... well, nice work! ;D
erm... the fact that Bob seemed to be not bugged by the idea Teddy and PJ are moving out soon and Amy seemed to just agree with him feels realistic and a little odd -sorry _;- for me, though. I mean, it's cause in the series and the movie, they seem to be upset about Teddy growing up, so... erm, well, I think it's possible that Bob is just being realistic or they're just too happy of the news at that moment. sorry for my uncertain rambles. haha. _; -stomped-
also a nice fill for the still unknown Duncan child. if I may tell, I'm actually still not sure how the story will continue with the fifth child -there sure are a lot more rooms to explore; what I can't imagine is probably, like I said, Charlie- but your idea sounds nice, especially the nicknames. 'Taylor' sure can also be a boy name and that sure is the kind of nickname that Teddy loves to pick -I think-, while the fact that Charlie called her 'Ella' is just sweet for me. I was imagining here wanting to call her with 'Bella' like PJ did, but what came out sounded more like 'Ella' since she just started learning how to speak. how sweet... X) but, if I may tell again, for the real show, I'm hoping for twins cause... I don't know; I just found that there'll be even more rooms to explore that way, I guess. XD and I know that I just went faraway from topic again, sorry...
so... erm... gotta say that my favorite part is the last four paragraphs, especially when you said Amy and Bob didn't mind the way life surprised them. for me, not only it represents the summary nicely, but it also has certain feeling that I'm not sure of. I guess it's just something interesting to me -I'm still not sure why, I'm afraid _;- and the final sentence is just a great way to close the fic. heh.
overall, this is a really well-written oneshot and certainly a fun read for me. ;) thank you so much for writing it and hope you have an exciting and touching Christmas like what the Duncans had -well, of course not literally! otherwise you'll have to go through a crazy trip full of odd pitstops XD; kicked-. again, thank you and good luck on your future stories. and... well... happy holiday! 8D |