|Reviews for Searching in the Darkness|
| Edhla 1/11/13 . chapter 1
This piece has some very nice characterisations, and you've clearly put a lot of thought and effort into it, which I appreciate :)
I thought, though, that the length of the paragraphs was pretty daunting and might be discouraging potential readers and reviewers. You can easily make the paragraphs much shorter by going back to the "new line when a new person speaks" rule of formatting; this would, I think, also make it easier to work out which character is speaking, and make it reader easier in general.
There were also some punctuation issues, which I won't go into unless you're interested, PM me if so :)
The second last paragraph seems to me to be where all the action is, and the only critique of that action I have is that I want more! I thought that some of it seemed rushed and more like a summary than a full-blooded story. I think that paragraph in particular could be expanded to several chapters, at least, if you flesh it out with pacing and details.
Regardless of what you choose to do with this, thank you for writing. :)