well done. It has promise... but there are areas that feel like they could not easily stand without background knowledge of the system.

But well written all the same!

it's good, really. u shud continue

Really quite good. I agree that you seem to bounce about perspectives between characters. But other then that it's a really good read. Rock on!

Hiya! I found the beginning just slightly clumsy, but as the POV seemed to shift from Andrew to Elizabeth towards the end, I found myself very comfortable with her... she reminds me of Victoria from the Clan Novel: Toreador.

With some smoothing of the first few paragraphs and a cleaner break from Anrew's POV to Elizabeth's, I think this would be a stellar example of fan fiction.