|Reviews for Celeste's Tale|
| DarkPokemonLover 12/4/12 . chapter 1
Hello world, DPL here.
DPL… wow, haven't heard that one in forever. Even FD stopped using it some time ago. Anyway, I'm not here to talk about the past, I am? (Look at the story) Oh wait, I AM talking about the past. It's what this story is about. Very well then, I shall do that. Since it's about the past*, I will use my old review of format, where I grade the story on its plot, writing and fun, then give it an overall score, because apparently people care about pointless and subjective numbers. That's what the comment section on IGN taught me those last two years. Let's go find Celeste, a link to the past!
* and because I'm too lazy to reread it again and short on time. Time, heh.
This is where the tale shines most. Many stories make very poor use of the whole "We're in X period of time, lets talk about Y time in the past.", because the knowledge of future event usually ruins certain plot twists of the tale. Not only you managed to avoid that trap, but you hilariously lampshaded that tendency when Aile basically "spoiled" the ending and made the Ho-Oh stop telling the story. To top it, you then subverted the whole thing and surprised the reader by having the next step of the story happen right after the narration. On that aspect, I think the 'epilogue', with Celeste awaking in the past, was a bit superfluous, and it probably would have been better to have the reader imagine the rest from now on. Since it wasn't all that long, I'm willing to ignore that aspect.
Now, the actually plot… There was a little less perfect. Celeste growth as a character was inconsistent. She started as a powerless girl who barely could do anything, then she activated some machine by accident and it seemingly increased her powers tenfold. Right there, it's a bit deus-ex, but considering all the over the top things that have happened in this Universe, the biggest ones by Kris out of everyone involved, I think your plot device wasn't all that bad. I think more focus on her struggles at figuring out those new powers would have been betters as it seemed she was just that good at it as soon as she got those powers. However, the short story nature of the tale implied some sacrifices on believability, and there was enough challenges on Celeste way (language barrier, technology foreigness and a mew being… a mew) crammed in such short time to make up for it. The story would probably have been more boring with less action and a more slow growth, not with its length.
Finally, the last plot twist, being Noemi's transformation into a Celebi and Celeste's transformation into a mew were kind of… forced. The Celebi made sense in a way, because Noemi became the first Celebi ever, then likely went back in the past to spread the legends of that pokemon that would actually not exist until millenias later. Although that came from Alvin, who was made a Celebi, out of the knowledge that the pokemon existed, and the pokemon existed because he was a Celebi and he…. (Explode from paradox). Bah, let just say It's Arceus's fault. As for Celeste… It seems most of her power was given by the machine, so she didn't actually have any potential to become a mew, so her transformation into seemed just given away. Again, it's bad, but the there have been worse in the saga. The act of becoming a mew is rather inconsistent. Some, like Bit and Celeste, became mew 'for free' basically to save their existence, while others, like Miya and Logan, had to struggle for it. There were also people who just seemed predestinated for it for no reason. Soooo… I blame FD for never stating clear criterias about what were the exact requirements for becoming a mew. Beside, Noemi was a cute and funny mew and she also made it up for any other weird and inconsistent things.
This story surfed on various ranges of quality. There were parts where I was convinced FD had written it, so much things flowed well and were poetic…. then it looked like it had been written by me, then it went between one end to the other of the spectrum. This probably has to do with the story being written over a long period, which isn't how most one-shots should be written, and some parts likely have been forced while not inspired, just to have some progress. This is something you could improve in the future, being able to do things constantly. Buuuuut… I'm no role model in the regard, so…
If I ignore that though, we find a story that is, on average, well written and with some sparks of brilliance here and there to make it all that good to begin with. The plot twists mentioned above, (those were spoilers by the way -.-), helped the story flow. Hmm… I don't have any specific examples though, English isn't my first language, so I'm going to end this section here.
Fun Factor: 9/10
There isn't much to say that I've already discussed in the plot section, so… I guess I will just talk about the things I personally liked. I like Noemi, she was the comical highlight of the story. The main character herself wasn't all that loveable, but the cast around her made it seem like we had no choice but to like her, because they were either too serious, too mean, or too… whatever emotion Noemi is supposed to represent. :). The time travel bits were good, and it was a good mental exercise to put the pieces together, which is surprising given how short the tale was in the first place. Finally, I have to add that it was a good things that you used only your characters, other than the unnamed Celebi who is obviously Alvin, but you had the decency to not name him, it's all good. That made the story a lot more… you and a lot more enjoyable, because it wasn't trying to emulate someone else, it was just you being you.
Finally, I would give this story an overall score of 9/10, but since you actually did finish a good story, on your own, with almost no external influence and yet managed to fit it perfectly in the flow of the FD-verse… I give it 9,5/10. Had it been written in a shorter delay and more focus, it could probably have that little something that would make it a masterpiece. Still… easily your best work, so congratulation. You did a really great job!
| Tanon 12/22/11 . chapter 1
While the first section pretty much completely went over my head because I've only read the first few chapters of Outcast (I'm probably not going to finish it, I'm afraid), the rest of the story was a riveting read.
The only problem I had with this fic was something Naomi said before she transformed into a celebi, something about turning into a legendary. Were you implying that not all mews were legendary? It doesn't really seem to make sense, but that might be a thing from Outcast...
I might finish Outcast one day, but I doubt it will happen.
Anyway, great fic!
| ShadowVee 12/22/11 . chapter 1
This has been a wonderful story to read. I would easily read another, should more follow. I'm glad to know that there are in fact very capable writers out there continuing Fragmented Disillusionment's story.