I have a feeling your favorite character is Kelso, all of your stories are about him. That's cool though because not many about him like this are out there. After reading your other stories, I noticed your dialogue really improved on this one. You still have more room to work on it though. All in all you're improving and good job.

are all your stories as short as this? *looks dissappointed* these stories have potential but as ppl have said in other reviews...you need to format them better, then they'd be more readable

You're getting a lot better although your quotations are still a little weird. You need to work on your endings though. You have really good problems, but then someone reveals a secret and it's all good. Everything's back to normal. It should be a more gradual process. But you are definitly improving!

okay. this is not a flame- The premise for the story is a very good one, and it holds much truth in it. You should follow your grammar a little better, and it will be easier to read. Each time that a new person speask, you must start a new paragraph. For example:

"Hey, Donna. Do you want to get it on?" Hyde asked, looking through his usual magazines.

"No, not really." Donna said.

you need to put the space in, and then your story will flow much easier...

Hard to believe or not, I've never seen That 70's Show, so I didn't know much about the actors to begin with (or their characters), but keep writing and i'll go read more of your stories!

Mudgurl647

Thanxz for reviewing!

this was way better than your first ones, you're really making improvements but just a few pointers:

1)try using a new line every time someone is talking and specify who is saying what.

2)try not to rush into the story line that way it's drawn out and there is much more room for details and stuff.

how about you e-mail me and we can clean itup a bit and work on the story, then re-post it?