This story is so cool. I really like the plot. Please update? Pretty, please? Anyway, the only things that I see wrong are the spelling, grammar, and the way it's laid out. See, you don't know who's talking or who says this or that sometimes. I would really recommend you to space between lines, so that the lines are separated and one knows who said what. Here's an example.

(this is from the second to last paragraph in your story.

"It does make sense."

"Do you have the feeling we're living in a soap?"

"Lately, yes."

"The sooner I'm gone the better. Since you told Relena, I don't think you'll be targeted." Heero nodded.

"So when will we leave?"

"Dawn."

So, there it is, that way it's easier to keep up with who is talking and all that stuff. Love your story, write more!

This is good. Why haven't you ever updated this? How annoying...-_-

Ooooooooo, Late reviewer! i meant to write a review a while ago, sorry! Well, I really like your story and I finished it despite the confusion of the words all bunched together. It's really a interesting story. Now, I'm off!

I enjoyed the storyline, but it was very difficult to read because all the coversatio just ran together. It was difficult to tell who said what. The usual form is tochange lines every time there is a different speaker. Iknow it would make the story look longer, but it would be much easier to read.

Good luck with the next chapter

Virginia

Might want to take that story back and space it out a bit. It got a bit confusing on whats going on so I didn't want to read it all. Try again