Brilliant! I absolutely love your stories. I spent the past several days reading this and its prequel and have yet to be disappointed. Scratch that, I AM disappointed but only because I have to wait for the next instalment to begin! I cannot wait! Once again, brilliant work. :)
Amazing, I loved this story, I mean I ABSOLUTELY LOVED it! I'm really sorry I didn't review chapter 20, but of course it was great.
Chapter 20:
I'm really glad Quick Fists was killed, and I like the way you wrote that part out. I know I sound cruel, but what I mean is that in a lot of fanfics someone kills somebody else and they feel no regret. In your story after he killed him Kid Blink immediately felt bad, but in the sense he felt bad that he killed someone. Honestly I'm just glad Quick Fists can't hurt Al or anyone else ever again. Incredible chapter.
For this chapter I was really sad when Kid Blink said he was leaving but it was heartwarming when Mush said he was going to leave with him. I'm predicting that for this next story your saying how everyones' lives are turning out. But I have to admit I'm dying with curiosity about what happened to Race! And considering you said Al was "very pregnant" maybe she'll have her baby. Ugh, so many questions...
I had been reading a previous chapter and was incredibly absorbed into it, then somebody called my name. It was like being asleep and in the middle of a dream and having somebody wake you up. I then realized what makes you such a fabulous writer. Besides the fact that you make fantastic plots and great characters, the way you write captivates a reader, so it's like they're not reading the story anymore they're watching it. I can't stress how amazing that is, to be able to write in a way that makes the reader feel like they're living the story, not reading it. I don't know if you write stories outside of fanfiction but you should if you don't. Seriously, you write amazing, I've read stories that for a part in the book your living the story but the rest your reading it, the way you write; I'm living it from begginning to end. That's...that's amazing, and it means you're a great writer.
Don't ever stop writing, and I mean EVER, I'm looking forward to your knew story, publish it soon.
Oh my gosh! I love blink. And jack. And al. And everyone. Dude I almost cried, aha. And I' .excited for the sequel. Really good work, man, you're a great writer.
It's nice to see David and Al, married and obviously happy and preparing for a family. Speaking of, Les is sixteen. Which if i'm doing the math right, this next part occurs six years after the strike and four years after part II. If this is the case then does that mean there's a chance that Jack, Mush and Blink will be back. There is obviously going to be trouble, so wouldn't it make sense to have some help for Al and David from family they can trust. Espeically since she's in a family way. Quick question, will David and Al be living in the Roosevelt apartment near the lodge once they are married and will we actually experience their wedding. I'm guessing that's a no, because of the timeline. Unless of course you add in a prologue.
As too this chapter, i'm glad Jack stepped in with the boss. But i'm kind of disappointed that he didn't get together with Sarah. Still i can understand not being ready and wanting to sew your wild oats so to speak. I'm just hoping four years will be enough and then Jack will come home where he belongs. After all he will be an uncle. Speaking of uncles, i hope nothing severe happens to Racetrack. Life wouldn't be the same without him.
I still can't believe it. Skittery is getting married, Blink and Mush are headed to Chicago, Jack to Santa Fe, isn't anyone sticking around? :(
Anyway, i can't wait until your next story. By the way, what will the title be?
Aww poor Blink having to make a run for it. I'm glad Mush is going with him. I hope that they are somehow in the sequel because I'm going to miss those guys. I loved this chapter, this story and series as a whole. I've reread it about 3 or 4 times now. I can't wait for the new story to debut. :-)
WOW oh wow! I keep meaning to review this and it's prequel and I WILL review the other chapters-lol when I get the time. I love this series!
Poor Blink, I'm so proud of him though. I'm glad he wasn't all "happy to have killed" but rather sick and in shock. He had to though and I applaud him.
I'm glad that David got to Cap in time. That would have been awful if she had died.
Speaking of David, I hope that he gets that wound looked at, since he's already light headed. Hope he didn't hit an artery (although, that would make for a rather interesting twist, him needing help-knowing him, he'd probably not admit he was hurt that badly and Cap and Blink are understandably distracted). Also knowing him, he might ignore it and it get infected and have all sorts of problems. For his sake, I hope not, for reading pleasure, I must admit that I hope he at least passes out or more...yeah I'm sadistic-but let him live (as I know he will!) ...
Great story and I hope I didn't annoy you with my David wish list. :-D Are you going to see Newsies on Broadway? My Dad and I are going as a joint birthday/Christmas present in late July (my birthday's in September but as it's only scheduled to Aug 19th I get my present early!) :-D
mysterygirl 4/15/12 . chapter 20
sorry, I think I spelled name wrong, that really was me, mysterygirl, not whatever I spelled. :D Sorry, I was rushing.
mystreygirl 4/15/12 . chapter 20
These were THE best fight sciences EVER written on fan fiction. AMAZING. I was like, panicking i the chapter before, thinking oh my gosh, the stupid bastard who lost against Jack is back for revenge on AL, she's dying, and WHERE THE HELL IS DAVID!
Then I read this and I was SOOO relieved. I absolutely loved it. ANd I really admire the way QUick FIsts died. If you had kept him alive, he would have come back again, and all that stuff would happen again, and it'd be tiring. THat's the problems with pointless sequels, is that they are so repetitive and the villain just keeps coming back again and again. It's so repetitive. But you put an end to it, in one grand battle. Beautifully written!
I also really like that Blink was the one to kill him. It shows a lot of important things about the newsies and the story. FIrst of all, it shows that by messing with the Kelly's, he's not just messing with them, Quick Fists was all of the newsies enemy. He threatened their family. Also, it shows that Blink cares a lot about them, and was willing to kill to save them. NOw, I can't say I know what it feels like to kill a man, but I'm guessing its not easy at all. I'm glad you made it that he was only killed in self-defense.
Also, I like how after word, he was throwing up and he didn't feel good. I mean, I guess I shouldn't have said I like it, I mean, poor Blink, but I admire that you included that he wasn't some ruthless guy who couldn't care about taking a life. Very well written.
Oh, and btw, I KNEW the beating of Al seven years before was something other than just a regular back talking. Beautifully done.
Also, David should DEFINITELY propose to Al. They were meant for each other. WEll, technically, Al was meant for DAvid because she was an OC created and paired with him, but you get my point. XD.
Especially after that super sweet chapter ending. :D
Okay, loved it, update soon! I can't believe your almost done! ARe you still making a 3rd? UPDATE!
This is amazing. The detail and the feelings you write with are SO well thought out! The plot fits perfectly with your writing style!
Al and David are the perfect couple, and I love how no characters are too OOC, just enough to fit the storyline without even making it SEEM like they're OOC.
Quick Fists is the perfect villain, out for pure revenge! And I LOVE his name!
There are no grammar or spelling mistakes that I can find, and your writing style and ability to hold a plot is the king that belongs in a real professional book. If you can write a real story, not a fanfic, I bet you could get it published.
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