|Reviews for Ricochet|
| NoComparison 5/5/13 . chapter 12
I finally got around to this chapter. Apologies for the delay.
This was incredibly well-written. I really like the relationship that Jimmy and Coop have for each other in this story. You really do a good job of showing it to us. The reader is able to engage with the characters and with their feelings for each other through your use of dialouge, description and overall characterisation. It really helps me to understand what they're going through, despite being fandom blind, so kudos for that.
The part where Jimmy is about to go into the hospital to see Coop is really hard-hitting, and works well with the flashbacks that you've provided for us previously. It really helps bring the situation home and continually remind the reader that yes, Coop has been shot, and yes, he is in real danger.
I'm looking forward to reading more and to seeing how this relationship progresses and how the incident with the shooting takes its toll on the characters.
| NoComparison 4/12/13 . chapter 11
This was another well written chapter. I like how you're giving us these glimpses into Jimmy and Coop's relationship. We see that they at first were quite indifferent towards each other. While they have shared some passionate moments in these flashbacks, we see there is a lot of self-loathing built up within Coop.
I notice that Coop uses a lot of derogatory terms to refer to himself in this chapter. Words such as 'queer' and the like. He also seems to be adamant in trying to convice both himself and Jimmy that he is 'not a queer.' When he finally does admit it, it seems to be a major breakthrough for his character and for the relationship that he has with Jimmy.
I'll admit that I am looking forward to see if Coop survives his shooting. If this has been touched upon before and I missed, I apologise. The way you describe Jimmy and Coop thoughts are very well described and really helps us get inside their heads. You have decent description and follow the rules of show, don't tell very well. Looking forward to seeing where the rest of this goes :)
| NoComparison 4/10/13 . chapter 10
Another very interesting chapter. I really admire how well you pull off the use of first person narration in this story. While I personally find first person a lot easier, this is really well done and still gives us that wonderful insight into all the characters, while still making them mysterious enough so that we want to read on and learn more about them.
I love the confrontation between Coop and Burke here. Coop is coming across as a very strong character, both physically and otherwise. The lines:
Grinning at Jimmy, Coop suggested, "Maybe it's your shiny personality, huh?" Turning to face Burke, Coop asked, "What're you doing?"
Burke smirked at Coop and Jimmy. "Selling ice cream."
"Yeah?" asked Coop with a patronizing grin.
"Yeah," replied Burke jovially. "What are you doing?"
"Ah," said Coop, looking around. "Let me see…" as he gripped his baton firmly in his right hand and swung it hard so it landed right below Burke's right kneecap.
"You son of a bitch!" Burke sputtered, clutching his shin and stumbling in pain. "Don't you know who I am?"
Really made me laugh. I love sarcastic humour such as Burke is displaying here. Coop's retaliation to him is very funny too. Again, the fact you're putting these scenes in really makes the fact Coop has been hurt hit home for the reader. :)
| NoComparison 4/10/13 . chapter 9
Another well written chapter. I was shocked to realise that Jimmy had a wife before but I do think it made his character more interesting and adds depth to him. Again, I'm unsure as to whether he has a wife in the original canon but either way its a nice addition here. I also like that Jimmy feels guilt that his relationship with Eileen didn't work out. It shows him in a nice light and makes him see like a very human character.
I especially like the relationship shown between Jimmy and Coop in the flashback here. We see how Serge's homophobic attitude has affected Coop here. He reacts to Jimmy's quip about the Village Queen's with such animosity that it clearly shows the impact that he really has been affected by his father's homophobia.
The flashbacks are really well done here. They really let us get a sense of the characters and their world. Another really well written chapter. I couldn't see any errors in SPAG and the detail was very well done. :)
| NoComparison 4/10/13 . chapter 8
This was another well written chapter. I especially like how you put in the flashbacks here. It's a nice touch, and helps us to get away from the sadness and harrowing feelings brought on by Coop's shooting and near death experience. I like the use and description and dialouge here.
Coop looked hard at Jimmy. "Just so we're clear, I don't wanna die. Hell, I'd never have the courage to actually do it. But sometimes at night when I wake up from these horrible dreams, it's tempting. I guess you probably think I'm crazy for not being able to put Vietnam behind me by now."
Jimmy looked sadly at Coop. "No, I don't think you're crazy. I sort of get how you feel. I don't get dreams like that; I spent my draft stationed in North Dakota. But my dad had stuff like you do. After he got back from Europe in '45, he'd wake up screaming all the time, thinking he was still fighting. Sometimes he'd just sit in a chair for hours looking out the window, not saying nothing. It got better with time, but I know he still has the dreams sometimes."
Coop looked at Jimmy. "No fooling?"
Jimmy smiled slightly. "No fooling."
Coop sighed with relief. "Anyways, I guess you know all my dirty secrets now. Just promise me you won't tell the other guys? Pop will kill me if he finds out about this stuff," Coop pleaded.
Jimmy smiled. "Sure, Coop, it's a promise. If you ever need to talk about this stuff, I'll listen. Hell, I'd like to read more of your stuff if that's okay?"
Coop hesitated, but then grinned. "Sure, so long as you give me honest feedback. Robin's great listener, but he ain't much of a critic."
This was a beautiful scene and I love how you show the relationship between Jimmy and Coop. The lines are very well written and romantic without being too cheesy. I really like the way that the two connect with each other, which is shown wonderfully throughout the entire series.
I also like how you start off with Jimmy in the locker room, we get into the flashsbacks and then we get back to the locker room. It really hits home that Coop is in danger. At a few points I think you could maybe change the sentence structure a small bit.
Shaking his head
Keeping his eyes fixed on the dirty white ceiling
Going over to the sinks
I think that you should change these three sentences up a small bit because they all start the same way. However, this is still another well written chapter with a lot of great dialogue and characterisation.
| NoComparison 4/9/13 . chapter 7
Another really well written and witty chapter. I especially like McCree here. His tough guy persons and dialogue was very funny and added a lot of contrast to the previous chapters, which help to split the tone a bit, making a more interesting read.
Jimmy's attitude here was portrayed well too. You manage to find new ways of showing his worry for Coop in each chapter. Rather than using the same recylced material. That makes it more interesting and holds my attention.
I felt sorry for Malone in this chapter. It's easy to see that he wants to please his superior officers yet at the same time he can't handle the gory details of the crime scenes.. The little story of the police officer fainting upon seeing the bludgeoned six year old was a nice touch. Did that happen in the original show?
I caught one small grammar mistake that you could touch up on.
''I'm sorry, sir'' said Malone-''I'm sorry, sir,'' said Malone. All in all though, this was a well written and engaging chapter. Much like the previous ones. :)
| NoComparison 4/9/13 . chapter 6
So Coop is recovering or at least he seems to be. Which is good because I really do like the relationship he and Jimmy have. This was another really well written, character driven chapter. The emotions that Jimmy feels at the prospect of losing Coop was really well described. The reader really connects with this character and his pain. It's also very realistic as to how a person would react in such a situation. Obviously I can't say much for canon and IC but in the context of it being realistic and displaying human emotion, it was flawless.
I also like Murphy's somewhat realistic attitude in this chapter. His believing Coop is dead, or at least soon will be is a great contrast to the positive attitude that Jimmy is trying to hold onto. It really sets up an emotional tone to the chapter.
The three firefighters rushed over together Murphy with a sense of urgency. - This sentence is mixed up. It should read something like this:
'The three firefighters, along with Murphy, rushed over with a sense of urgency.
Other than that, I couldn't see any errors that you need to change. I like the detail and use of realistic dialouge that you have going throughout the entire story so far.
| NoComparison 4/9/13 . chapter 5
I really like the relationship portrayed here between Coop and Jimmy. They seem to really care a lot about each other and that really shines through in this chapter. I especially like the image of Jimmy holding his medallion almost as this is giving him comfort while he's so worried about Coop.
The use of an out-of-body experience for Coop was a great touch. It's not made clear as to whether he's dead or not but that I think makes it really compelling for me as a reader. I love chapters where I'm left with some questions that will hopefully be answered as I continue to read.
The way you describe Jimmy's anger when Murphy says ""The best thing we can do is go get the bastard that killed him." really showcases the strength of the relationship he has with Coop. It's as if he doesn't want to believe Coop could be dead. The reader is able to feel his emotions and his heartache at facing the loss of a loved one.
I espcially like Coop's POV in this. You've written that experience well, making it exciting for the reader but still holding onto that poignance this chapter needs. :)
| NoComparison 4/9/13 . chapter 4
Hello, yes I'm still reading and reviewing. This story has really hooked me and I'm not just saying that..
Wow.. Holy.. F*ck.. WOW! Coop got shot? I really wasn't expecting that.. Or at least, if I did expect it, I wasn't expecting for it to happen so soon into the story. Normally I don't like it when such events are thrown in early on but here it works because you write it in such a way that makes the reader want to continue to find out what happens next.
"Coop?" Jimmy's voice rang through the radio.
Coop took one last deep breath. "We were the lucky ones."
Have you ever heard the song 'Lucky Ones' by Bif Naked. If not, I recommend listening to it. That's what I thought of when reading that line. I like Serge's reaction to his son being shot. He genuinely seems to care about his son, despite the fact that he seemed to be quite a 'douche' to him at other points.
Again, the spelling and grammar were really good and so I can't comment on them. I'm not the best at pointing out grammar mistakes either, especially when it's good like yours is. I'm looking forward to read the next chapters. :)
| NoComparison 4/9/13 . chapter 3
So we get a chapter in Serge's perspective. This is very interesting. His character seems deep and well developed.
"Bloody hell, that's what I'm asking you to do!" Serge yelled as he stood up, dusting off his jacket. "A cop's reputation is all he has and I' can't let my son destroy all we've worked for! Do whatever you want with Coop and Jimmy! Scare them, rough them up! I don't care! Whatever you think will fix this! And let me tell you something, Tom, if you don't take care of this, you will find yourself booted out of this force!"
I'll admit this part shocked me. Does he really hate his son's life choices that much? Again, I've only seen one or two episodes of 'Cold Case' so I'm unfamiliar with his character. However, you still have portrayed him as a very real character. The use of dialogue and description in this chapter was well done.
The only criticism I have to offer is that you perhaps put less flashbacks in there. I personally think there are a lot of them and while it works in the context of the story, perhaps it would be somewhat better if you put them in less frequently. However, despite that, this is a very well written chapter and I'm looking forward to reading more. :)
| NoComparison 4/9/13 . chapter 2
I really like how you put in Coop's memories. The part where he remembers how cruelly his father acted when he came out to him really touched me. Coop's father seems very homophobic, is there a reason for this? I like the characterisation of Coop here. We clearly see that he did and perhaps still does care for his father and wants his approval, yet at the same time knows he has to stay true to himself. This is a wonderful character trait and while I don't know if this is a trait of his in the show, you really put it across here.
| NoComparison 4/8/13 . chapter 1
I think this is a good start. While I admit to not being familiar with the fandom you're writing for, the story still manages to hold my attention. The part at the beginning about the husband and wife fighting over a pillow genuinely made me laugh.
I like how you incorporate the dialogue between these characters, it seems very real and it's speech I could imagine actually being said. I was wondering about the italics, however, I'm guessing those are showing flashbacks or memories?
All in all, this was a good start and I'll be sure to continue on.
| momonigiri 2/24/13 . chapter 1
I've never watched Cold Case before, but the opening chapter has piqued my interest on the series now. I really liked how you've combined the characters' thoughts along with the actual dialogue. I think it adds a layer of depth to the characters and their relationship to each other.
Although this is only the first chapter, I look forward to continuing to read the story to see how it all ends.
Keep it up, and good writing! :D
| rainy dayz and silver dreams 2/14/13 . chapter 34
Thank you for the mention and I just love your story :)
I was more then happy when I got on my email this morning and saw that I had an update and even though I am behind on several other stories I made a point to go and read this one and I am sooooo glad that I did cause I really enjoyed this chapter. I was really happy to see some good conversation going on between Jimmy and Coop, not to mention I really liked the stuff with Coop and Danny in this chapter.
I completely understand the long wait but I am really looking forward to the next update! :D Good luck with everything going on and Happy Valentines days :)
| seerstella 2/13/13 . chapter 34
I'm really glad to see you updated again! I've been waiting for this for years :D
So... is this my first review on this story? My, I'm sorry! :'(
I love the characterization, Coop's stubbornness even when he was that sick (that "Of cour-" part got into me so much) and Jimmy's love towards him. I haven't watched A Time to Hate for a while so I kind of forget about Danny's character, but I like him too. I like the way you combined the two episodes, and now I somehow believe that Coop played baseball once before he went to Vietnam.
There are some spelling errors, and I'd like to fix it. If you'd like I can fix it for you via PM like you used to do. I'm weak in grammar, but I'm pretty good in spelling.
This part: "Shrugging his thin shoulders, Danny began to play with the zipper of his letter jacket." "Letter" should be "leather". But the rest is OK, so don't fret.
Well, I can't say anything else. I love this story! Update soon, please :)