Not bad the paragraphs are rather long though and could be made into more paragraphs. However other then that it's quite good.

Good story nice theme.

{sniffs} I'm such a sucker for tearjerkers. {sniffs} I also read the next fic...{wipes tear from eye}...I loved it! - It's so nice to read a story that does NOT have a male-male pairing. Keep up the good work.

Tip: You might want to start a new paragraph when someone is saying something. I find it a lot easier to read that way. :)

cool story