Not a good review I'm afraid - You don't seem to know the show well enough to be writing fanfic for it - you even have Buffy's sirname wrong! It's Summers, not Sanders. The town is Sunnydale, not Sunnyvlae, and it's Xander, not Zander or Sander.

The story doesn't read well as a script, you would be better off writing it as a story and explaining the plot more - it's very unclear at several points.