|Reviews for The Diner|
| Morgane Lurker 2/19/12 . chapter 1
Interesting so far - would indeed be nice to see where you'd go with this. In my opinion the first paragraph is a little too long to open a story with, but otherwise this is pretty well-written.
Anyways, keep writing!
| Saddened Soul 2/6/12 . chapter 1
This was a decent little thing; you captured the urgency well enough, and I was compelled to see it through. It does feel a little bare, though-maybe a few more vivid details of Bright Falls (if this is Bright Falls) would help spice it up and make it a little more "Alan Wake," if you catch my drift.
Also, a particular issue I noticed throughout was your misuse of the possessive. "Its" is the correct form, whereas you consistently used "it's," which is really "it is." I don't mean to be picky; I just saw it occur a lot, and the real danger of grammatical errors lies in them breaking the reader out of the immersion.
I'll subscribe to this story in case you continue it. Maybe you'll do something interesting.