That was HOT! :D

Lizzy

That's super cute haha love it :3

Too much dialogue... They seemed lacking of personalities, even if it was just sex. But defiately hot; it's not like I could write something better. xD

You're a LIAR. That could NOT have been your first lemon...because that was fantastic XD

And favorite list it goes INTO!

That. Was. So. Freaking. HOT!

This is really good for a first lemon. I do have a few things to nitpick, however:

- F-fuck, Stan. That feels so good. Keep going!" I moan/say to him." DON'T DO THIS. He either moans it, or says it, but seeing it written that way is hard on the eyes.

- They talk too much during coitus. It's my firm belief in lemons (and life, for that matter) that if you can for a coherent sentence during intercourse, you aren't doing it right. Not all scenarios need dialogue, and passion can easily be portrayed other ways beside the characters stating their thoughts and feelings.

Other than that, I loved it, and I hope to see more from you.

Not bad, not bad.

I like it.

But I think some scenes are cliche-like.

But thats only my opinion.

Well what else can I say... oh yeah.

Write more please, I think you have something a writer should have. And I think you can write very good lemons. :D