I like how you've covered the more mysterious side of Mayuri here, the way she often stares into the sky. :) I like how you compare her life slipping away to the hourglass, since it keeps that theme of passing time. :) I also like how, in the ending, he's just happy to see her alive, for once. I really like how well you explain the characters' emotions in your stories. :)

Here is my critique and some suggestions to give you a helping hand. :)

. (Her eyes stare at the sky) In my opinion, you can take out 'eyes' here since 'She stares at the sky' tells us that her eyes are staring anyway. I think that ' She gazes into the sky' would be better here, as it makes it seem as if she is concentrating harder on it- as if she's 'immersed' by it, in a sense. :)

This is a lovely piece! Keep up the good work. :)

Love it. Will you write another fic about them? Yeah, I agree with you. I thought they'd end together.

Love the way you play with the words. This is just simply beautiful. ;A; I like the pairing of Okabe with Mayuri more than Kurisu, actually, so I'm very happy to see a fic about them in this fandom. :) Write more!

Well this is a good fiction. I just hope you made a longer one. You're right we were trolled.

I loved this, from the style to the rhythm - and, gosh, feelings !

I'm glad you gave us this introspection as, as you said, the anime more or less skipped it.

Thank you for sharing :D