Good, for the most part. I have a couple suggestions:

1. You need paragraph breaks. Desperately.

2. When different people talk, start a new paragraph. Always. So instead of it being like

"hi lyann, how are you?" "good what about you?" it should be:

"hi lyann, how are you?"

"good what about you?"

Helpful hints(:

Update!

Update

This is pretty goo. you should continue! I can't wait for more! :)

Awesome start! I love it! Please update soon! :D