Aww... Love the ones with Patrick and Dave. Liked Patrick's line :p

I like the idea and the basic story. John deserves to have a family to get along with and to make peace with his father before he dies. But there are a few things that could be better. Mainly, he would not be transported to somewhere where an outsider could see it, like his father's business.

I like your story. It's a good idea, and it makes me wish that it had happened. How many fewer regrets would Shep have had if he had taken the time to try to talk to his Dad before he died. My only suggestions for future stories would be to use a grammar program, as there were a few grammatical errors in the story, but nothing so tremendously bad that it took away from the meaning of the story. Good idea for a fanfic! I'm glad you posted it! You captured the feelings that one would expect them to experience rather well. I hope to see more from you.

I did wonder if John tried to see his family then. Even though Outsider later implied that Patrick told John not to come back, still, it would have been tempting to show up with that shiny new promotion and show his father and brother he was doing well. I'm sure he later regretted that he didn't at least try.

I love Sheppard family stories! please carry on. Great start! :)