|Reviews for Running Into a Memory|
| Arthur091 1/29/13 . chapter 11
Wow, such a powerful chapter, and certainly a very depressing one too. Yeah, Sayaka was quite lucky before.
| James Birdsong 1/6/13 . chapter 10
| 00 1/4/13 . chapter 5
I like your chapter of Teardrops as it is written very well and potray Kyoko character quite well.
| Arthur091 1/3/13 . chapter 2
This one was my favorite by far, such a lovely and tragic story. A noble struggle that leads to despair and the irony of Homura fighting against herself, trapped in an endless and hellish loop by the Incubator. Its sweet and beautiful. Love it!
| Arthur091 1/3/13 . chapter 1
A shrewd businessman that Kyubey...
| LovelyToMeetYou 12/8/12 . chapter 9
I love these ficlets, they manage to dive into the character's mind and show a little of how they were feeling in those moments. Lovely.
| strangess 9/28/12 . chapter 9
Impressive. Kyousuke has to be the one major character who frankly comes off as a selfish jerk to most people. It might be said "how could he act like things were fine with listening to music one day then lose it the next". But properly speaking, the right place to start is to accept "the character _did_ act thus and so" and try to puzzle out a reasonable backstory for that. You've come up with a plausible one: that he's a chronically sickly, quietly unhappy boy and he normally can't speak his mind at all. This fits with him being so focused and impassioned about music. It lets him speak without having to fight to be heard, and not have to expend his meager strength for conflict exhaustingly.
(I'm not sure if this sort of review is helpful, I'm basically going over why I think you got things right, in case you were working to some degree on instinct, I try to isolate a rational explanation for what's going on in your technique. Well, and I am straining to show that even if I'm not a writer, I know the anatomy and structure of storytelling reasonably well . )
It was good that you echoed the forceful tone from his outburst with breaking the music player, when he was thinking about why he didn't want to hear music. that's his big moment in the series, and restating and expanding the thoughts leading to it is vital (and thus linking the series to your story more clearly in the process). My only quibble would be that it could have used a sentence or two, maybe a short paragraph, explaining why music matters to him. (though it is true that people who suffer severe loss can act kind of purely crazy for a while. But if that is the case, a bit more delving into the breakdown in rationality would be good, to make this explicit. )
It seem to me the only reason he would react this way is he cared deeply about music, not simply for the pleasure of being good at it, or the enjoyment of playing it, but because it filled a desperate need. People just don't do impulsive self harm when they haven't got a history of emotional abuse without something fundamental and very painful getting stabbed.
I also think it might have been good to have it that he _does_ like her and if he doesn't seem to show it, well, that just fits with the whole "doesn't say what he really feels easily". While it's conceivable that he could have tolerated Sayaka's friendliness from insecurity or fear, (and we attribute the tone of the first visit in the series between them to "Sayaka's an unreliable narrator"), I think it's really more a Uro thing if there's some ambivalence and mixed feelings going on :) Moreover, I think that Sayaka's shown as being too perceptive, if unreliably so, for such unending deception to be plausible.
I admit, with the pacing you favour for most of your work, it must be tempting to avoid too much digression. But you do have such a gift for conciseness yet poignancy that I think it would have been possible to add these details wouldn't have slowed down the momentum or emphasis of the story.
But let me stress, I am very happy with your work. If you ever make the stylistic breakthrough to writing something novel length, I would pay to read it and that's only true of a small handful of professional authors. I was so happy you didn't linger too long on the latest writing you did for Madoka. I'll review those later, too.
(and if you don't, or aren't aiming to change to long format, I'm still happy to read as many shorts and even drabbles as you write on Madoka...and maybe one day I'll be less depressed and have the energy to break in some of the other series and start reading what you wrote there, too :)
I find it very hard to focus on most stories these days. You're the only fanfic writer I don't have any problems reading what you're sharing fully and enthusiastically (not that I've read more than a dozen or so stories so as to say I have a sense of the authors, but still...))
| James Birdsong 9/27/12 . chapter 9
| Art 9/26/12 . chapter 2
Seriously I wish the HomuraWalpurgisnacht was canon. The Homulily name just seems...dumb, and non-dramatic unlike the other witche's names. Besides its kind of ironic that Homura's arch-nemesis is she herself, so much despair could come from that...
| Art 9/26/12 . chapter 9
So...he should have told her in the first place. But oh well, thats how the story goes.
| James Birdsong 7/29/12 . chapter 8
Nice story. Yay!
| strangess 7/24/12 . chapter 5
Good work. Gen saddled us with a frankly improbable assertion "I had forgotten how much I used to like those old stories". I would have used that as the springboard, that actually she'd remembered them, but it was something Sayaka did which made her decide they were stories that mattered after all.
But your approach is intriguing because you don't really spell out just what it is that makes Sayaka's grief so intolerable and touching. But you just imply that it was one of those things. There's a story how in the death camps, there was this one strawboss who was a secular Jew. Didn't have any use for the religion, wasn't too sentimental. That's why he volunteered to be a strawboss. On the day of Yom Kippur, which is supposed to be a 25 hour fast, the Germans would taunt the Jews offering them extra rations. (In point of fact, religiously speaking, the Jews were obligated to take those rations (if you're starving to death, any reasonable chance for extra food to preserve your life is a chance you're supposed to take). But a large number didn't.)
Yom Kippur rolled around and one of the guards mocked him, asking why he didn't eat. He cursed the guard saying it was Yom Kippur and Jews didn't eat on that day. The guard shot him because the guy swore at him.
It was a crazy thing for the strawboss do. Especially for someone who had presumably done his share of bootlicking to _get_ his strawboss position in the first place. But sometimes, events push you and you draw a line and stand by it. Even if it means dying. We all have to die sometime, it's hard to say what the day might bring that will lead us to conclude our life is a fitting . or ! (or even ?) at the end of some statement our deeds make.
You can't really put that sort of thing in to words. What you have to do is describe the contrasts: the things that normally make you not care to draw a line, and just sketch the pain roughly that makes a person -want- to draw a line. An aching wound so deep that the world seems to have proven some important thing is meaningless. So that when there's cause to hope it has meaning after all, you make your death into a shout to eternity that this thing mattered after all.
You did that well here. Fragments and shards arranged to point at but not spell out meaning.
| andyjay18 7/23/12 . chapter 8
Yes, as per your bio, you do know angst pretty well, as opposed to wangst.
I've heard varying accounts of when Mami contracted (and she could've done so at different times in the different timelines), so your setting doesn't have much issue to me.
Were you still hungry after writing this chapter? (Seems like conjuring up those descriptions might kill your appetite, heh.)
| Unyielding Wish 7/23/12 . chapter 8
You know, I'm left wordless.
It wouldn't feel quite right to dump heaps of praise on you. But...this case...
I definitely need to take lessons from you when it comes to drama and angst. And climaxes.
And yes, I can tell that you're hungry when you wrote it. XD
| James Birdsong 7/23/12 . chapter 7