Wow, this is a wonderfully-written story! I loved the narration especially - it was understated but never too sparse. I especially liked the parts in the 'present', where the old man (I guessed it was The Duke!) gives his own analysis of his friends. Particularly heart-breaking with Sneers, when you later find out what happens to him. I loved the parts from Longshot's point-of-view, he's a very interesting character and I think you wrote him really well. Altogether this was a well-structured story that fits together so nicely. Your characters were real (poor Hibachi!) and the whole thing filled a gap that was missing from canon. From now on, this is my canon xD Wonderfully done!

I see now that this story leaves Sneers' fate open-ended. I do wonder how he survived a stab to the chest in a burning forest, though. Even if he didn't bleed to death, he'd have eventually suffocated in the smoke, or his wound would have gotten infected. Perhaps some of the other orphan survivors found him and took him to a healer? It's not that important to this story, but it's something to think about.

Jet's story is poignant and ironic. I always knew that to be the case, but I never thought about it critically until I read this story. Jet saw himself as a hero, but at best he was an antihero, and some of the things he did were villainous. Yet he never had any qualms about robbing and beating frail, old civilians, as long as they were Fire Nation. He used his revenge to justify everything he did. His hatred brought about his downfall. When he fought Zuko, he was arrested and hypnotized by the people he thought were the good guys. Ultimately it was the leader of his own Kingdom who murdered him. By the time Jet learned that there were villains on his side of the war, it was too late.

I am satisfied with Oni's commupance in this fanfic; how the injury Jet gave him put him out of commission, and then he lost an Agni Kai to Zuko and was sent to the Boiling Rock, where he died escaping.

This is the best ATLA fanfic I've read in months. Plot gap-filling stories are among my favorite types of fanfiction, and you did a fantastic job with this.

The second half of the fight with Oni is intense. Oni is even sicker than I thought. You're right that he isn't trying to hide it; the Fire Army is just using him and the lower ranking soldiers can't do anything about him.

I did wonder about Sneers' fate before this chapter. I've heard that he appears in The Promise, but I don't know if you consider that canon. But I couldn't have predicted that he'd be killed by Jet's sword! Sneers' death would have given Jet a good reason to try to turn over a new leaf.

No! Poor little Hibachi!

I had the impression by the middle of the story that the Old Man was The Duke. The fact that he mentions every main Freedom Fighter but The Duke really solidified that assumption for me, and the ending remarks by him (along with him saying he might've been too hard on Jet) really seals the deal. For some reason, I almost wish you kind of took out the line where the Old Man says "I'm an expert on him" referring to The Duke. But that's more of a random thing than an actual critique.

I love this story. I don't often favorite stories, but I think this one seriously deserves some love and attention. I feel sad that people don't tap into gems like these more often. :/

Man, I hate it when I'm right like that...though I do have a feeling about something else as well...

I like how this conclusion fits so well with canon. It's one thing to write these descriptive battles that just maintains my attention, but it's another thing to just tie it so well with canon. Jet finally has to confront The Duke, and him breaking the promise between the two was a great way to end their relationship and link it into the rest of the story. Very emotional near the end, and Longshot even gets a few words!

Nice.

I have a strange feeling that Sneers is going to die. :[

This was really action packed, and I'm loving it! It's so rare when you have an entire chapter almost dedicated to action and also be really entertaining at the same time. I'm really impressed by a lot of the figurative language you used, it was pretty cool. Some of the word choice and word play was also really clever. Very typical of Loopy's prose. :)

Man, this is so exciting. I also just realized that Oni is Japanese for demon. Not sure why I didn't catch that earlier. .

Anyhow, the action was really intense. I loved the contrast between Jet speaking with Sneers and The Duke the day before the battle. Really showcased the kind of leader Jet is. The descriptions were really intense and visualizing the battle was really easy with your easy to understand prose and storytelling.

Ah, I was right about Sneers showing up in this chapter. I like your take on him.

The villain is interesting. He's kind of a sociopath, but good at hiding it, I suppose.

Fantastic story. It's well-structured, fits perfectly into canon (at least pre-"The Promise", I think Sneers makes a cameo in there), and everyone is kept in-character... mostly. I felt Jet's decision to retreat, *twice*, in the middle of a heated, futile battle to be somewhat surprising, especially considering his bull-headed single-mindedness during fights, such as when he attacks Zuko in Ba Sing Se.

Still, tiny quips aside, this was a great read and easily ranks amongst my favorite stories on ficnet. It's a bit dark, to be certain, but given the subject material I think that's rather fitting. After all, the original episode "Jet" dealt with the same dark themes, albiet with a happier 'nobody dies' ending, courtesy of maintaining the show's target audience.

I especially liked the attention to Sneers. He's the only character that gets a name in the series and then absolutely no attention afterwards. In a few short chapters, you built him up enough for the reader to care what happens to him.

Poor Sparkrocks :(

Write on,

-OS

Haha, poetic justice for Oni, though I agree with Kimberly T. that I'd have liked to see his reaction. Maybe you'd like us to imagine it? I'm torn between wanting him to be erratic and increasingly desperate, or completely self-assured and deluded about his chances for success. The latter seems more likely for the guy, and I wouldn't be surprised if he justified Gaipan in his mind until the day he died. I hope he grew more and more fervent and irrational in his beliefs as they became increasingly out of sync with reality, and that was more than half-crazed under a calm, confident exterior by the time he died..

I like how you preserved the moral ambiguity to the end. Really, this was a story about both sides breaking the rules of war. It also raises the uncomfortable possibility that terrorists can be sympathetic if imperfect people, and even heroic in their own way. I think it's something both Jet and The Duke, in their different ways, struggled with until the end of their lives.

Good story, really thought-provoking. Thanks for sharing!

Oh, so much moving writing here. Sparkrocks holding that beat-up rice hat was heartbreaking, and expressions like "young sun" were great. The dying out of the red leaves a good parallel for Jet's burning out, at least for the moment.

In one paragraph, though, there were too many repetitions of "soft" and "softly." In particular, everything related to Longshot seemed to be soft in some way.

Jet's change of heart had particularly strong impact, though we know it ultimately won't last. I love the part about "the ghost's sepulchral tune," the image evoking hollow grief rather than hot anger - and maybe that was the heart of Jet's tragedy, that he was running from an emptiness in his life when he was broken by unbearable trauma as a child, trying to compensate with anger and revenge.

I found The Duke's resentment very understandable, and it shows both the conflict within Jet as a leader and The Duke's ambivalence about him. It also explains The Duke and Pipsqueak's separation from the group. Maybe leadership is an impossible task when it comes down to it - because to do something, anything often means to do harm, and the leader has to accept that and choose the problems he can live with. It was Jet's decision to detonate the damn that brought Oni on them, and though he couldn't have predicted Oni's particular brand of bloodthirst, in a way Oni was the balance to Jet's own amorality as if the universe matched them up. After seeing the destruction wrought by himself and his counterpart, it may have been only natural for Jet to try (and later fail) to go a different path and for The Duke to leave. Unfortunately, the fundamental emptiness in Jet was never filled, and he kept running from that into violence and his ultimate destruction. Powerful stuff, made me think.

So Gaipan wound up destroyed by the Freedom Fighters after all. And given the forced evacuation ordered by Commander Oni, this time it really was only Fire Nation soldiers who perished. That doesn't quite fit the definition of irony, but...

The narration of Commander Oni's eventual fate left out only part that I would have liked to read: his reaction, and later his superiors' reaction, when he found out that his efforts to wipe out the rebels had resulted in the slaughter of the entire garrison. (I wonder, did the Japanese have their own phrase for 'pyrrhic victory'?) That severe loss, and perhaps the way he reacted to that loss when questioned by his superiors later, might well have influenced their decision to have him just recuperate and sit out the rest of the war.

All in all, a good story well told.

I like this fanfic so far. I like how it's framed with what appears to be the old Duke talking to the kids. The Freedom Fighters are each given a moment to shine (except Sneers, but maybe he'll be in the next chapter). Sparkrocks and Hibachi are cute and witty.

It looks like this story is going to explain how the Freedom Fighters were broken up. Onward to the next chapter!

I'll move over to ff.n for the reviews, since I get the alerts right in my inbox. Besides, the new window means I can comment as I read, which... really blew the review to epic proportions. I doubt this would even fit in the LJ commenting system.

I was a little unclear about the action here. Is this a second battle after the one from the last chapter, and if so why is it happening? Maybe Jet and the others are drawing Oni and the firebenders away so Longs and Smells can start the retreat? I'm a little confused, especially because Jet was so certain about retreating last time. Things would be clearer with some markers that differentiate this battle from the last, such as location or a shift in tactical objectives from the characters' point of view.

Also, yay for Longshot's badass Yu Yan move! And I'm guessing he was carrying Smellerbee Tarzan-style, for double squee points. Except that the latter part isn't entirely clear, and even if Longshot doesn't have the time to see her face he could presumably feel her cling to him, or her breath catch as he jumps off, or something. Hmm, or maybe he's not carrying her at all. Confused again.

I'm also guessing this is a different continuity than you latest Ember Lighthouse story, since here Smellerbee has been with the Freedom Fighters longer than Longshot instead of the other way around.

The point where Longshot stays behind to cover Smellerbee's retreat was all sorts of heartwarming, and it was all the more effective because of Longshot's characteristic silence instead of the traditional I'll-stay-behind-you-go speech, and the characters' lack of sentimentality about it while still affirming their bond.

Longshot's archery awesomeness had me melting inside. But freakish talent or no, I don't think human reflexes can manage to aim and fire multiple shots while in free fall. Heck, physics would dictate that, since the action of pulling back the bowstring would twist the body around without gravity and friction to stop movement. He could have done it while, say, jumping down branch from branch, but the free-fall part really broke my suspension of disbelief and ends the fight too quickly, cheapening the danger he is in and his dedication in covering Smells' retreat. You even had to break PoV for a moment there calling Longs' affinity for archery freakish, which I think is an indication of having to try too hard to justify the scene.

Also, when Longshot was firing his "last" arrow with the rope tied to it, I'm guessing that's the last arrow before he hit the ground and not the last arrow period, since he fired another grappling arrow shortly after. Longshot also doesn't seem worried at all about running out of arrows, when without them he would be almost helpless. I guess picking arrows from dead bodies isn't an attractive proposition, and he hopes to pick up more at the base or something.

Great humor as always, with passages like traveling silk merchant without guards, haha. Pipsquak's background is poignant, though I wonder why he didn't try to help the other villagers when he escaped. Maybe there were too many guards, maybe the others told him to run. And the "denied the asset" part was so sad. I wouldn't be surprised if earthbenders simply collapsed the mine. I'm wondering at the timing of the reminiscence, though, since it seems to take away from the pace of a tense battle scene. I would have preferred more impressionistic flashbacks, perhaps triggered by the fire whooshing all around him, then a full life story in the middle of an action scene.

The destruction of the base was a wrenching scene, and I love how Smellerbee is thinking first about Longshot and how he shouldn't have to see this. Also, love the "stonebreaker" part, which is a great explanation for the improbable scene where Zuko was smashing rocks apart with his dao. Though his dao at the time was stolen from an Earth Kingdom man, if I recall correctly. Maybe superior weapons from both sides can be stonebreakers.

And aww crap, you killed Hibachi! Arrrghglbztkx, brain breaking... I think it might have been even more effective, though, if there were some foreshadowing like Smells' eyes passing over unmoving forms on the platform or something. It seemed a little odd that there was no mention at all of bodies or her attempts to check them, when the earlier scene was from her point of view.

Haha, so one of the dumb plans that Oni okayed was the one to blow up the geysers. I think he got cocky there, as I hope he will find to his sorrow or at least annoyance. Good job, and I look forward to more!