I love reading this story, but because it is single spaced, my eyes hurt trying to stay on a single line while reading. Also I get lost multiple times trying to find the next line.

I persevered for 3 chapters but now I keep getting tears in my eyes trying to focus so hard, so it is with great reluctance that I abandon reading this story. Thank you for your hard work, and I wish I could have read more.

Oh, I get how this is working. The curse is still active. The coin only works while Ranma is not naturally male, though. Thus, going from 'suppressed female' back to 'natural male' negates the powerup and euphoria the coin gives him, leaving him tired. Pretty sneaky. :)

Is Cologne actually going to find a cure? Also, assuming she does, is Ranma's exposure to the coin still going to leave permanent damage?

Quizer

Its good, it will probably go on my favorites when I update it, cant add it now, I am maxed out (151 actually, not sure how I did that). Ciao

Actually, I think "Black Dog" is a very good title and one that will be most intriguing for those who don't know what it is. And now I'll ruin that, I suppose, by wondering how you intend to portray clinical depression in an amusing and upbeat manner.

Good story.

Please continue it soon.

I want to see what Nadoka has planned.

I'm not that far along yet, but this is really good.

One thing I have to note is that the first few chapters need better spacing for readability (Indentation would be immensely helpful, I think), and could really use some proof-reading.

I may weigh in with ideas towards the end, but I'm nowhere near that far yet. But I am being quite sucked in.

*cracks up* Did Nabiki write that just to make trouble? Cuz she had to know how Kuno would react! *LOL* Well since Ranma has doctor Tofu's orders to behave and lay off the fights, and the girls are laying low, Nabiki had to find another ways to make money and mischief...Are u certain that Nabiki's Xellos in disguise? Cuz she acts like a certain mazoku...

A few things I would like to review, to see if I understand the story elements correctly:

Ranma is only affected by the coin part-time, correct? As written, I get the impression that he is actually only affected by the super-charging of the coin after he is splashed by cold water, otherwise he is unaffected except for the bonding of the coin to his palm. In other words, if he would normally(?) be a girl, he's revved, but if he would be a guy he's at original level.

Kuno's attempts to become humble have failed (to date) and his reputation as a pervert has only gotten more explicit. After all, when the morning fights stopped they already called Kuno the 'school's greatest pervert'. Both Kodachi and Tatewaki have realized that they need to obtain the good graces of Ranma-chan/Ranma-kun in order to have a shot at Ranma-kun/Ranma-chan, even if they don't understand the real reasons behind it.

Happosai believes Ranma to be cured, and is presently fetching as much Nyanniichuan as possible back to Japan.

Pantyhose and Rouge haven't shown up (or at least not recently), nor has the Saffron arc. Natsumi and Kurumi may have, but have already departed. Would they have left a forwarding contact? Lukkosai hasn't shown. Picolet Chardin has. Akari Unryuu is not a factor (yet).

Cologne has moved beyond techniques and is discussing strategy with Ranma. He has the offer to wipe away his techniques for a year in order to retrain his thinking.

Ranma has been exposing his life to Nodoka, yet hasn't been able to reach the more 'delicate' problem of the curse yet, due to fear of overload. Nodoka has talked with a lawyer about either displacing Genma as head of clan, divorcing Genma and removing both herself and Ranma from the Saotome roster, or divorcing Genma and replacing him as clan head with either herself or Ranma.

If these are correct, then .

1. THE CURSE

The curse appears to not be 'cured' so much as simply overridden. Apparently it is still working in the background. This gives an opening for a removal of the coin while Ranma is in 'uncursed' state - as Ranma is male, the coin wouldn't have an anchor with which to magically bond and might be neutralized without resistance.

2. HAPPOSAI

Would a re-application of Happosai's Nyanniichuan override the coin? Doubt it. Would it possibly create havoc for Furinkan? Definitely (can see a scene where the female martial artists are rescuing the Furinkan boys from Happy's water balloons after foiling an attempt to disperse the water through the fire system - Ranma appears to be immune, so Kuno believes that it won't affect him, gets hit. Curse may or may not be temporary depending on whether the water was adulterated or diluted in shipping). Happosai's sending several shipments by various means would result in periodic resupply even if his original supply was destroyed. Could be a running thread over several chapters as Happy starts by trying to recurse Ranma, failing several times with his water supply destroyed, until the large shipment shows and a final denouement at Furinkan. Akane would be very happy playing 'swashbuckler-to-the-rescue', but might end up with unwanted(?) attention afterwards.

3. NODOKA vs. GENMA

This has the possibility of removing all the obligations save for Shampoo, no matter how it turns out. Nodoka also holds a trump card in Amazon society, but Cologne's recent conversations with Ranma point out that Ranma's decision will be the final say when it comes to marrying Shampoo. Given the problem with the coin, I do not believe that Ranma would let Nodoka make a decision before having the full story, since her decision could determine whether there even is a Ranma to get married. Also, the nature of the curse would help to explain Akane's behavior towards Ranma.

One thing that I don't understand, is how Nodoka can overlook Akane's treatment of Ranma. Nodoka may indeed 'really like Akane', but in this fic Akane has been abusive in Nodoka's presence (not controlling P-chan, malleting, etc.) without any backstory to understand why Akane regards Ranma in this fashion (doesn't know about the curse yet). If it were my kid, I'd write Akane out off the bat, joining of the schools or no, as equal honor/dishonor proceeds from any choice.

4. THE FIANCE BRIGADE

Each has had a chance to state their case, both Shampoo and Ukyou have stated that they want Ranma, Akane has stated how much she doesn't want anything to do with him. Ranma has rearranged the power structure of the Tendo clan so that the fathers cannot block any future annullment of the engagement. I have no idea what your personal preferences might be, so I suggest that the result of Nodoka's reaction against Genma merely clear the playing field by annulling all promises made by Genma and leaving him to hang in the wind.

This would probably work best by having her remove Ranma and herself from the Saotome register and placed back onto her maiden register. Shampoo doesn't care, Ukyou can regain her honor with her family by showing the destruction of the Saotome clan, and without a Saotome heir there is no engagement to a Tendo daughter. Especially if Ranma were removed from the dojo, each would be required to stand on their own merits, and let the chips fall where they may. I doubt that this Akane would come out the winner, simply because she would deny the need to go after Ranma and would lose touch. I can't see this Nabiki making an effort to get him, and Kasumi would simply proceed with her life. Ukyou and Shampoo would each pursue him in their own ways, leading to some conclusion based on future events.

5. COLOGNE

This Cologne is acting like a teacher rather than a source of chaos or an interested observer. It gives her more involvement while allowing her to maintain perspective. In the end, she would probably support Ranma in whatever decision he makes (after doing her best to influence him, of course) although I think that she would at least bargain for strong ties to the Amazons (ally if nothing else, more likely promise to train select members of the tribe in exchange for technique swap, housing and support for future tribe members sent to the outside world for education, etc. Lots of possibilities).

In the end, I see one of three possibilities for the coin: 1) removal while Ranma is 'male', leading to a restoration of the curse, 2) leaving it in place with the knowledge of how to control the supercharge effect, yet leaving him with mental stability concerns, or 3) curing his curse with Nanniichuan, leaving the coin with no 'hook' to attach to and allowing it to remove itself on it's own.

Nodoka and Genma split, probably with Genma and Soun staying together. I don't know whether Soun would get thrown out by his daughters, but he's heading in that direction (if the pamphlets don't control him).

Ranma either ends up on another register, or head of the Saotome clan. He may wind up in control of his destiny finally, but he's only started in his training towards being able to control it. Probably be better for Nodoka to be leader for awhile, until Ranma acknowledges he's ready for the responsibility of the clan.

Nodoka accepts responsibility for straightening out the fiance mess, whether by abrogating the engagements and levelling the playing field or by making a choice is up to you. One thing - people always suggest adopting Ukyou as a means of getting out of that engagement, yet Ukyou was engaged to Ranma. Akane is supposed to marry Ranma, yet the agreement was to 'join the schools'. It was only the fathers that decided it should be by marriage. As well, any of the Tendo girls could fulfill the agreement. Why not adopt Nabiki, marry Ukyou, and get Cologne off Ranma's case by adopting Ranma as an Amazon? This still leaves Shampoo without recourse emotionally, but fulfills all stated requirements. Nodoka and her ideas on 'manly' behavior might make arrangements with Cologne to have Ranma marry Shampoo according to Amazon custom (not recognized in Japan), but she hasn't shown much evidence of requiring that Ranma behave like a perv (perhaps because of shock?) so I don't know if this Nodoka would go for such a thing. Much less if the girls involved would. Akane as written will be in high dudgeon no matter what the outcome.

SUGGESTIONS

You stated that you were looking for a new element of chaos to enter the equation? Well, honestly, I think that you could do things in the following order -

1. Introduce Akari Unryuu. Her pursuit of Ryoga would add an additional element of confusion, especially if Ryoga attempts to use Akane as a means to get out of the 'engagement'. It might also crystallize Akane's feelings between the two if Ryoga inadvertently lets out how he feels about her while trying to explain things to Akari. Not to say Akane would choose Ryoga, just that it would provide an impetus to figure out what she really wants.

2. During Akari story, Happosai comes back with small amount of Nyanniichuan, and hits Ranma and Katsunishiki. Allows explanation of Happy's plans without permanently affecting any of the major players.

3. Nabiki gives Kuno suggestion as to how he can better understand Ranko, by getting in touch with his feminine side. Several scenes with Kuno misunderstanding what it means to be feminine and going overboard

4. Akari hangs around to pursue Ryoga and obtain a cure for Katsunishiki. Perhaps staying with/near Nekohanten?

5. Plum makes entrance in order to save map of springs. Due to increased ability, Ranma able to defeat first plot of minions handily, sends them packing without loss of anyone to Surikomi eggs.

6. Several attempts by Kiima & co. to obtain Plum (Ranma is on probation by Nodoka before she announces her decision regarding the curse - although I would think that she tells Ranma that he's already passed, it keeps Genma on his toes and distracted enough to allow the two weeks to pass before Genma replies to subpoena). Genma encourages Ranma to act in manly ways and safeguard Plum.

7. Plum finally separated from group, and map taken back to Mt. Phoenix. May or may not have taken hostages. Ranma knows of curse effects by this time, and plans to use supercharging to defeat Saffron as necessary. Nodoka makes the trip as well.

8. Final confrontation, with Saffron learning of curse from Kiima (Akaneniichuan?), and knowing to douse Ranma with hot water. Ranma applies lessons on strategy from Cologne, and fights through own depression, to overcome Saffron at normal power in front of Nodoka (perhaps Nodoka turned into doll instead of Akane?).

9. Upon return, fathers attempt to force marriage, Nodoka gives final judgement on Genma. Tendo sisters judge Soun. Nanniichuan cask used by Ranma to break curse of ? (himself to remove coin, Ryoga to keep him out of Akane's bed). Shock effect of Saffron win minimizes desire of people wanting to cross Ranma. Ranma either makes a decision or sets everyone on equal footing (perhaps promise to get married at age 20 - 3 years in the future - but no sooner). Sets conditions of dating/no armed conflict, especially inside the house. Stop.

Anyway, good luck! and I hope that this has helped.

In this chapter, Kuno is supposed to be sitting in for Gosunkugi in Ranma and Akane's classroom, even though he's one year their senior. I'll try to make that more clear.

If you didn't catch my intent, then I didn't write it well enough. Thanks for pointing it out.

In Ch 15 you have a gag with Kuno in the same class as Ramna, when he is really in Nabiki's class.

Read the whole thing, and you definitely need that additional element. Happosai might be able to provide such, but his problems would probably be solved in one chapter. With Kasumi as head, Kurumi/Natsume might show up again. Charon, the supernatural being/agency theorectically responsible for the Dead Man's Coin, might show up to add to chaos, either as a voice in Ranma's head or a physical opponent. If Saffron hasn't happened,there is that story arc; if he has then Happosai shouldn't have been able to get Jus. water from the destroyed springs (unless they settled). When Genma attempts to get a job working with the Shinobu, there might be complications from that. In your vision of the Ranma world, magic is very rare, so I could not in good conscience suggest a threat from that direction. Hmm... Happi could recruit Lukkosai/chingenosai to help him... The Jus. preservation could rally and fight for the coin after they learned Ranma 'cured' his curse... ditto Rouge or other victims of Jusenkyo.

Thats about all the suggestion I can think of in five minutes, hope they help.

Chapter 3

Being able to do anything if he really wants to strikes me as normal Ranma, so the coin would just intensify things. I can see the “doesn’t really cause insanity” theory being true, in which case Ranma would be one of the most likely people to stay relatively normal, for him anyway. His extreme adaptability would really be an asset in this situation.

Chapter 4

Just noticed that the text is too tightly packed. A minor point I know, but it affects readability.

Overall

I’m not sure what your block relating to continuing is. Basically, things have to come to a head or you can just keep stringing things along with Ranma and Nabiki doing crisis-management. Perhaps you just got extremely fatigued, considering how many balls you were juggling. You might want to try just writing on impulse to see where it takes you, but perhaps that’s how you ended up with the two failures you mentioned.

So you need a new force of Chaos to distract the characters…hmmm. Can’t think of anything offhand. If I do, I’ll put it in a review for another chapter.

Churchill, that was about depression, right?

His black dog, that is...

Anyway, if you want some feedback or whatever on the story, drop a line a leave your mail address so I can get back to you.

Cheers.