I'm sorry hon i'm going to be blunt say i think you need to work on your writing. I'm terribly sorry for giving offence but i believe it's for your own good! My writing was awful too and i like to think my english teacher used to cringe at what i wrote to the point that it made her want to gouge her eyes out. She didn't have the heart to elaborate just how horrible i was but she gave me subtle hint. Wow getting off topic there!

So your, um, plot left me unsatisfied and robbed to be quite honest. It was interesting enough but the story has no flow or sense of direction and it felt like you just made stuff up as you go along without putting much perspective. The most important couple here, Adrian and Sydney was so out of character! How could you! Do you hate them or something? Okay so they spontaneously went head over heels for each other and hooked up right after Dimitri made his fabulous entrance, went out for what two days? Adrian buys her tickets to Paris for valentines day or something. They each express their love followed by a one night stand then the next day Sydney dumps him. Sydney dumps him. I hope you understands how this makes me feel. Adrian and Sydney are probably my favorite fictional pairing ever and you just killed them! The whole thing is so unrealistic and there was absolutely no chemistry. It was so dead. I don't think you payed much attention to their relationship in bloodlines. Sydney was repulsed by vampires but Adrian slowly warmed up to her that they became friends. Sydney is so totally not ready for a relationship with him and the way you wrote them! I could go on and on but i wont. It hurts too much.. Also unnecessary move on your part by dragging Lisa here. I won't even go there.

I'm so sorry if i came across as disrespectful, it's not my intention i just wanted to defend my lovelies. I know the reason for the abrupt ending but just.. ahh you broke my heart. I don't think anyone would understand the depth of my love for these characters.

Well take care, read loads to help improve your writing and most importantly write more! Practise makes perfect! :D

It ended too abruptly. It should have been more drawn out and it would have been a good moment to see what was going through Adrian's head.

But her blood isn't appealing is it?

Pretty good story, I love it :) Please update soon, can't wait to see more :D

It's okay. I just wasn't sure if you knew about it or not :)

Hi, thanks for the tip, changed it to the Bloodlines Category!

like it

-Starfish

Shouldn't this be in the Bloodlines section/fandom?