|Reviews for Looking in|
| RedWingedAngel002 2/17/12 . chapter 1
Aww..! It's great to see this scene in Suzume's point of view! You did a wonderful job, Bebe! I love to sleep and dream too, it always gives me ideas and time to think of what I want to write/draw. I always look forward to reading your works. :D
There are some minor things I found, but doesn't really have to be changed, since it's just word format.
See, she was actually quite sane and had no problem keeping her mind on reality..
(Take out the beginning See, since you have it already in the previous sentence.)
Maybe use a different variation to understand/understood? You use it a lot, that's why.
...to save their worlds from crashing and creating (a big mess of each other ?) I'm a little confused. I know what you want to say, but it sound a funny.
The girl grew wide-eyed, her eyes filled with betrayal and pain.
(The girl's eye grew wide, filled/ filling with betrayal and pain.)
Maybe use Red Guy, like Ichiko calls him, instead of 'King' all the time? XD
They couldn't go to that world at all. They couldn't fly, they couldn't even see that world!
(They couldn't (even) fly, or see it!)
Yeah, that's all I could really catch. XD I'm just suggesting to use a bit variation- you do, but some of them are right next to oneanother, which sound a little repaetative.