Hey good story so far, I'm not sure if you know this, but at the end of the manga, both Aiko and Bando survive. Rite before walking up to Mayu wanta walks past a poster for Aiko announcing her new art exhibit. Lynn Okamoto wanted to leave the ending ambiguous. All I'm saying is that if Bando could survive being ripped in half, and Kade, and Nyu were reincarnated, then whose to say that Aiko didn't make it as well.

This story is really good. Hope you keep updating.

Quite enjoying this so far. quite a lot of confusing and conflicting emotions...just like it should be. Bittersweet. Good job!

Man that fanfictin is holy goddanmit awesome

Good story so far. Keep it up!

Please update

Good to see you revisiting this, and I have got to say, MUCH better. Without a doubt.

I find Yuka's character and reactions so much more believable than they were before. You even resisted the temptation to have her just be entirely ok with Lucy at the end, illustrating that some conflict remains on who she cares for. The innocent (Nyuu) rather than the monster (Lucy), though they live in the same flesh, and are in essence, becoming the same person at heart. I would imagine that this spiritual merger is something Yuka feels but does not yet understand. I'm pleased you didn't rush her into understanding. Lucy's got a hell of an emotional battle ahead of her before true acceptance comes. From all of them.

My only criticisms are generally minor. I have to agree with the previous reviewer at the sudden inclusion in the middle of Lucy being referred to in her true name, Kaede, without any real explanation, or reason for it. The rest is just a few grammatical errors which are easy to make when writing a large body of work, and easily fixed.

Overall, vast improvement from what I remember. Do keep this up.

I started to read this on my psp on the mobile site. Seeing as I started to work on a similar story at the same time. I really enjoyed your ideas.

The only criticism I have for this chapter is that you changed what you where calling lucy from Kaede to Lucy nearing the middle, just not the smartest idea. but I do have respect for your imagination towards what could have happened, I have read the rest of the chapters up to date as well.

Although in another couple days I will have a crossover fanfic about a battle between Lucy and the wretched egg (deadman wonderland) up.

OMG! MOORREE!

im really liking this. keep it up.

Very nice so far, dont stop keep going :D

Gah, sorry I hadn't kept up with your story. Like you, I also have been swamped with school related things. The note you addressed to me at the bottom of chapter two was very nice, and I appreciated you recommending my own work to your readers. I'm glad I was able to encourage you somewhat.

I'll start with a few suggestions if you don't mind. One of the major ones (and probably the one for which all the others would branch off from) is simply slllooowwwww doowwnnnnn _. You have a lot of emotions and reconciliations to work with, and the characters had different ways of feeling about things in the manga than they necessarily did in the anime. You don't need to try and just resolve everything in one swift stroke. Even with a reader's suspension of disbelief, I think one might find it a bit difficult to accept that everyone so quickly gets over their emotional traumas where Lucy is concerned. Emotions aren't like light switches to be turned on and off at will. We may outwardly appear capable of such to others, but deep down, it isn't so easy. Sometimes, it's just downright impossible.

Redemption is a journey; put them on the road of that journey. Make them walk over land and ocean, so at the end, such emotional resolutions feel earned, and your audience will understand in their hearts why the redemption was deserved, and not just know it because you wrote it.

A few minor things to add: Yuka probably isn't the excitable type who would rush people to glomp them :P. I personally always considered Yuka to be a bit more "adult", and reserved. She's quite the serious type, and clearly suffering from self worth issues. Could be an interesting area to explore?

Last thing, I don't believe Nana would necessarily be afraid of Lucy. She was always pretty -damn- quick to throw down on Lucy at even the slightest hint of tomfoolery on her part. In fact, Nana isn't really particularly prone to fear at all, at least not so much as would prevent her from standing up to someone. That isn't to say Nana never gets afraid, but she's definitely not a coward.

Now with that out of the way.

Since there doesn't seem to be any exposition of a plot that would sweep all the characters up, I assume that the relationships among the characters, and how they come to terms with one another, and their pasts, IS the plot. It's a good choice, and one I would typically prefer in an author of EL stories since that is what is truly moving about the series. It's certainly what drew me in.

I can see your writing over the ensuing chapters has gotten a bit cleaner from the start, and there's more content as you're starting to focus on character and relationship development somewhat. My biggest advice to you here is: don't stop. Even if you need to devote a single long chapter to the interaction of only two characters. You have plenty of history and emotion to work with, and they've all got a lot to talk about.

Sorry this was so long. I have a habit of doing that when I review/answer e-mails, etc etc. But it's mostly because this had to cover three chapters because I'm too much of a jerk to keep up with things while people are saying nice things about me.

Pretty good. I'm interested in how Kaede has the ability to heal herself tremendously. She's going to have to deal with the damage she's done (Diclonius War). I thought it was pretty thrilling when she imagined Nana being evil.

very,very good. captures kaedes personality well, carry on writing

It's always such a drag when someone who is in the process of creating something you love suddenly stops. I will never forgive FOX for how they sabotaged Firefly *shakes fist*.

I find the idea of Lucy suddenly having godlike Diclonius abilities interesting. It would appear to make some sense, from the manga perspective, considering what she was capable of towards the end of it. Perhaps she -could- have put herself back together (ala the T-1000 in Terminator 2...which is what I was reminded of).

The only part in the chapter I'm prepared to take any real issue with is simply what I perceived to be a lack of clarity on the daydream. I found myself a little confused on what was going on for a few moments, in that there wasn't a clear transition from nightmare, to reality. It just kind of...-poofed- into existence. I realize now that the "finally opened her eyes" was supposed to signify this transition but as I had been reading it, she could simply have shut her eyes in pain, and just happened to open them at that moment, with no more significance attached to the movement.

Hopefully the original author won't take much issue for you writing this. This is after all a fan fiction site. Would be kind of hypocritical to say someone can't build off of -their- ideas, for which those ideas were themselves built from other creators. You at least acknowledge this is based on the work of someone else.