Interesting couple, I liked the story!

Your English is atrocious. Pointers: Keep the story in one tense, one point of view, and EDIT! The story could have a very intriguing plot but I could not make it through the second chapter, very repetative and choppy. Just my opinion, do with it as you will.

This story doesn't make any sence, and that's saying something, coming from me. Also you repeat alot of the same words all the time.

I can see Bethan but this is just a bit unreal and is the rating on M if it isnt change it. Kidnap is T but both that and boy x boy is still T but add Jesse in that boy x boy and its disturbing but if you like that ok check out tethered or something like that but is j and e sorry if I affended you.

very good story, it should have more chapters but ok, i hope you create a new story with them , epic

do the words Mary sue mean any thing to you