|Reviews for Purple Eyes|
| IceBergen 5/3/13 . chapter 24
when will you update?
| bman 4/20/13 . chapter 24
Depends what you mean by direct orindirect sequal, if itshow they would meet in the majin buu saga with no androids, then i would like to see it
| a cute honeypie -nati- 1 4/7/13 . chapter 23
OH AND YES DO A SEQUEL YOUR REALLY GOOD CONTINUE YOUR AWSOME!
| billy blevins 4/3/13 . chapter 23
In the next chapter, trunks and kairi go back in time, kill the androids, beat up cell and spare him because of a time paradox, and goku convines the kais and king yamea to bring kairi out of hell and onto earth, now make happen
| Guest 3/30/13 . chapter 23
Make a new chapter now!
| ULittlePrick 3/25/13 . chapter 1
SHUT THE FUCK UP BUNCH OF IDIOTIC FANGIRLS,
AND YOU, STOP SCREAMIN' LIKE A FRIKKIN BANSHEEASDF!1!1!111
| ANGRY BREAD LADY 3/24/13 . chapter 1
HEY QUEEN REVEINA KAIRI ISNT A MARY SUE SHE'S A NORMAL LIVE CHARACTER SHE ISNT PERFECT SHES JUST COOL OK KAPEESH YEAH OK. KAIRI IS NOT A MARY SUE, HOW DARE YOU USE THAT INSULT
NOW IF YOU HAVE NOTICED, SHE HAS BEEN WRITING FOR ONE YEAR. ONE. YOU HAVE BEEN WRITING FOR ALMOST 5. OBVIOUSLY IT'S NOT GONNA BE PERFECT. LOWER YOUR EXPECTATIONS DOES A COMMENT PLACEMENT MATTER FOR A NEW WRITER? YES KAIRI IS NAMED AFTER THE ONE IN KINGDOM HEARTS ITS IN THE A.N. OKAY A LOT OF CHARACTERS HAVE PIERCING EYES, ALONG WITH HUMANS, THAT DOESN'T MAKE THEM MARY SUES DOES IT? SHE DID A SPIT TAKE, WHO DOESN'T DO SPIT TAKES, ITS LITERALLY CALLED SPIT TAKE. MY POINT IS HER WRITING IS FUCKING AMAZING AND THIS IS HER FIRST CHAPTER
lots of love,
angry bread lady
don't take it too personally i'm just an angry bread lady
| IceBergen 3/24/13 . chapter 22
but why review the first chapter, she's improved so much within this year lol
| McKenzie 3/24/13 . chapter 22
shut up reveina no one likes you
| MistressReveina 3/24/13 . chapter 1
First thing I pick up on is that you don't have any paragraphs in this chapter. Why is that? This chapter is mostly dialogue. You need to have either an even amount of both or more story line than dialogue. Right now, it's reading like a radio broadcast.
You're doing this with dialogue:
"Darn them! They're too powerful!", a pissed off, 13 year old Trunks shouted.
"Darn them! They're too powerful!" a pissed off, 13 year old Trunks shouted.
Commas do not go on the outside of closing quotations. They go on the inside and only if it is a declarative sentence. You've done this through out the entire chapter.
If you're going to do a flash back, it's easier to distinguish it from the present action if you put it in italics.
Kairi already sounds like a Mary Sue with her gorgeous eyes and piercing kind eyes. Then the fact that she has a tail? First, why in the world did she announce that? Neither Trunks or Gohan had tails in Mirai Trunks's time line.
I found it strange that Kairi (did you take this name from Kingdom Hearts?) told them they looked like they were cold. First you said that they were training, so how are they cold? I don't know if you've every worked out before, but if it's cold outside, your body warms up and you are no longer cold. You'll even start to sweat.
Did a spit take? No dear. Just say they spit out their drinks.
I find this story lacks realism. Although this is a cartoon and a fanfiction, it still needs some sort of realism. Where is Kairi's parents and why is she letting strangers in her house so easily?
Don't put author's notes in the middle of the story. It takes away from the story. Anything you need to tell your readers, you can do in the beginning or ending author's notes.
How did Trunks know she was 13? She never told them that. You are the author know the she is 13 and so you transferred at information without her actually saying she was 13.
That is all.
| Guest 3/23/13 . chapter 22
Finish the story in the next chapter.
| Guest 3/21/13 . chapter 22
Almost 6000 reveiws? This fanfic should have *as vegata*OVER 9000
*the real vegata walks into the room* vegata: what are you doing?
Me: n-nothing. ... what are you doing?
Vegata: whatching you rip me off
Me: yeah well i was give in the right to do this from a dbz character, not even goku is as good as him!
Haunting voice: vegata. ...VEGATA.
Vegata: who said that?
*ghost nappa apears* ghost nappa: im haunting who.
Vegata: GOD DAMN IT NNNAAAPPPPPPPPPPPPAAAAA!
| IceBergen 3/20/13 . chapter 22
Do you ever not type good, bc everything is so perfect and we shall reunite on spring break, holla
| Guest 3/19/13 . chapter 21
I think the squel should be about their lives in the buu saga and how trunks and kairi would have met if the androids did not happen. Also a competion between trunks and goten to see who gets to have kairi as a girlfriend would be nice. Now make it happen OR ELSE!
| EML dream 3/19/13 . chapter 21