|Reviews for Moonlight Sun|
| Mr. RedEd 2/25/13 . chapter 6
Good! I'm glad we're getting to know how the present circumstances came about(although I do wish all this had been in Chapter 3...).
Your historical recounting of how Panem fell apart after the revolution is convincing and believable. Most revolutionary governments tend to fall apart or become Totalitarian states within a decade of their founding(Examples;Revolutionary France's transformation into Napoleon's 1st Empire, Revolutionary Russia becoming Stalin's Soviet Union, every other post colonial government you can think of, etc.). So it isn't too much of a stretch of the imagination to see Panem becoming such a state under the 'guidance' of the hard liners of District 13.
Some questions still remain:
1) Does District 13 maintain control with a clearly present military force? Were the people who tried to flee the new games shot down in public or did they disappear in the style of many victims of tyrannies?
2) Does District 13 hold the threat of their nuclear arsenal over the heads of the other Districts? That would make sense, since the Districts barely survived conventional bombardments during the revolution.
I must say that I get the gist of the theory you posted in your profile, about how people subconsciously can figure out even the most complex mis-spelled words by the 1st letters. But, I still believe that consistent good spelling and grammar is important because to constantly do otherwise can lead to misunderstanding and unintentional images in the mind of the reader.
For example; "They didn't have enough crops or resorts." had me thinking of a comic response line; "Not enough resorts! No wonder things went so bad! Without spa treatments and massage therapy, people will go crazy! Look at that Carnival cruise that broke down! Those people were like animals! Animals!" Nyuk-nyuk!
See? I almost automatically turned your serious recounting into comic fodder. I knew you meant 'resources' but I couldn't help it. Thus, I advise you to proof read before you post. Or at least explain if this is your character's diction(form of language).
All in all, good job! Can't wait until the next chapter.
| Mr. RedEd 2/18/13 . chapter 5
Well, to paraphrase Ricky Ricardo from the old I LOVE LUCY show: "Luz you got some 'splaining to do!"
I was really enjoying the look at Peeta and Katniss' lives post-Hunger Games and getting to know their children throughout the chapters. I was disappointed when we didn't get to hear the rest of Katniss' description of the true history of the Hunger Games. Especially as the next chapter was just the sentence, "The years blew by". That elicited a big, "HUH?!" from me.
Well, chapter 4 and 5 is now 4 years later, and the Hunger Games have been reinstated. You do a good job showing this Michael fellow doesn't want to do this, while his female counterpart Sarah seems to be Effie Trinket's spiritual if not physical descendant. Also, judging from her, at least some of District 13's residents have went to Spartan and regimented to flobby and silly. This, along with explaining why the Districts are not rebelling against the renewal of the Hunger Games, needs to be explored!
I am intrigued and eager to read more. Some technical quibbles:
1) you use the expression "post to" instead of "supposed to" twice. As its spoken or thought by a character, is it supposed to be her slangy way of talking?
2) are you using the post-Hunger Games timeline Collins' showed at the end of Mockingjay. Katniss wrote that it was 15 or 16 years after the revolution before she and Gale began having children. As their eldest is 16 by the time the Hunger Games are renewed, that would mean 32 years would have passed since the last one not 46.
Look forward to reading the next chapter!
| PrixieAnneRiddleWhitlockCullen 1/10/13 . chapter 4
Woah... Wait what?!
I'm confused! XD That was kinda...uhm...odd? I don't know. XD
Anyway, I can't wait for more. I hope you update soon. -
| PrixieAnneRiddleWhitlockCullen 1/9/13 . chapter 3
I was waiting till the last chapter you updated to review but this chapter absolutely stopped me.
I mean stopped in a good way. After all, chapters 1 and 2 were very amazing.
I'm already loving the plot and the characters.
However, chapter 3 absolutely blew me away.
The first sentence was very challenging and the last sentence was also intriguing...
Imagine that... a 3-word chapter. Who would have known? XD
| war makes monsters of men 9/23/12 . chapter 4
okay, so im a bit confused,
in the first chapter did Katniss not live with Pearl, Finn and Peeta?
And then in the third chapter you wrote four words, and now in this chapter why did the hunger games start again? its a bit confusing.
But on the whole it is a good story.
| TayOfManyNames 8/22/12 . chapter 4
OH MAH GOD MAKE MORE ANDI.. Pwease?
| opaque-girl 8/22/12 . chapter 1
So I have never read Hunger Games (I have seen the movie though) and its thus incredibly hard for me to leave a proper review.. Yet I will try my best..
I thought you had some good characters that are, which would, I'm sure grow in the future chapters and there is much you can do to experiment with them - however, what you really need is a solid story and a beta. There are a lot of grammatical mistakes, and I really suggest a good beta to make this story better. For example,
There needs to be a comma after Peeta, not a full-stop - it's a continuing sentence.
| MockingjayWithFangs 8/21/12 . chapter 1
I am sorry but I did not truly like this fic, you made several grammatical errors such as sense instead of since, too instead of to and at one point you wrote post instead of supposed.
I do not like Pearl, she seems like a brat to me and it seem rather implausible to me that Peeta would go to the forest with a game bag, that suits Katniss more.
Your mixed usage of present and past tense makes it more confusing and harder to read.
I hope you can improve this and I am sorry if I was too harsh.
| Writing4YourLove 4/9/12 . chapter 4
Good job! Update soon!
| Molly Blancaflor 3/24/12 . chapter 3
what the hell was that?
| berniegirl13 3/22/12 . chapter 2
SO good! Update! the last sentece gave me chills!
| Ileana Mackenzie Collins 3/20/12 . chapter 2
| SpellStorm 3/18/12 . chapter 2
Cute but serious, I like it! Update, please!
| Eighteen Inches 3/8/12 . chapter 2
This is really interesting and I can't wait to see how pearl reacts to hearing this news...
Can't wait for the next chapter :)
| ReadingCompletesMe 3/8/12 . chapter 2
I'm a massive fan of the hunger games and your story is great you are A really good author and I love these 2 chapters a lot keep writing :)