|Reviews for A Tale of Two Generals|
| xXKiddo511Xx 3/12/12 . chapter 1
I know you had me read this earlier, but I still want to say "good job." I know it's hard to break grammatical rules, but if you need my help in fixing how they talk so it seems more realistic, I'm always happy to help you out. And having just a little more description for Takehiko would be amazing.
On another note, this chapter made me want to write the childhood of my two OCs. Hmmm...that's just what I'll do!
Keep up the good work, by the way!
| RubyMoonz 3/7/12 . chapter 1
Okay, firth things first. I am in no way a real critic but I there were a couple of things I wanted to point out for this. I'm going to start off with the things that made me want to reviewthis, both the good and the bad(which aren't really THAT bad, or even bad at all), so here goes:
First off, you describe really well and you did a good job with the girl but you only describe the boy physical features which are similiar to the girl's but it left me wondered if the boy's hair was long or short or what. I even wondered what he was wearing since the girl's clothes were described. That would have been nice to know but you still did a good job at helping me picture the girl.
You mentioned this in your AN at the end but the fact that they are two years of age and can speak that well will have people wondering how the heck they are so developed in speech. I suggest either making them old enough where they can talk like that or just have to deal with the grammer issues that writing in a child's POV has to have. I honestly would have loved this more if Atsuko and Takehiko both spoke as two year olds should. Them talking like makes it seem...unrealistic? It sends my senses on high alert, but that's just me.
The last thing that bothered me was how two boys could take down these Kimlasca soldiers but not the Angelic Knights. You mentioned the sytle the use needs open space to be used effciently but you said they (quote) "the fact they were one of Malkuth's most well trained units..." does not seem so when they were taken down so easily. It down-credits them more that two kids were able to do a much better job at taking down these soldiers than they, themselves. It would have been more believeable if you had a few left over to help Thoma and Hibiki to actually show they are 'Malkuth's most well trained'.
Now for the good. :)
As I mentioned earlier, you did a good job at describing Atsuko but you just needed to add Takehiko and it would have been perfect.
I do like your style and your description is pretty good too! You did a good fighting scene and I could imagine while I was reading and I wished I could do fighting scenes at least somewhat as decent as you.
Overall, just a few issues(and maybe some grammer but I suck at grammer and those little things, so I'm not help. xD) but it was a good read. I'm glad I took the time to read and I do eagerly await the next chapter. I want to see what happens next!