| Reviews for One of those days |
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Mikarin Aoi 5/14/13 . chapter 1This was sweet. Let me point out some things to make this a better read though, okay? One - Your second sentence has a mistake. "..one of the few woman (women) I could smile at" Two - „I'll come by later", ("words," he/she said - is the right format - example: "I believe you," Carlisle whispered /OR/ Carlisle whispered, "I believe you.") In the beginning you used ,,this" and then later changed to "this" Three - "30 seconds later" (use the word "thirty" - it isn't a big number, try to make it a point that you only use numbers in stories when for example, you're mentioning a year, like 2012.) And four - remove this (LEMON very graphic sex-secene) from your summary. There isn't one at all. Other than those, the story was utterly sweet, I liked it. :) By the way, I was just helping out, if ever you thought of editing this piece to make it look perfect. I hope you don't mind and I hope you didn't take it the wrong way. -Aoi. |
Just4Me 2/8/13 . chapter 1A very touching moment between Carlisle and Esme. |
ChibiOfCuteness 3/24/12 . chapter 1This was really good. CarlislexEsme all the way, baby! |