|Reviews for The Toa's Apprentice|
| incessantly18min 5/10/13 . chapter 7
Hi there! I really love your fanfic. It's quite interesting. I hope you will update soon. Also, will all the Toa's have an apprentice? Or would it only be Cheryl and Matt? Thanks!
| The Gentleman Ghost 12/5/12 . chapter 5
Nice to see you update again. Great chapter chapter as usual. Keep it up.
| Shatter Dave 12/5/12 . chapter 5
Good job! Love the story, the humor here and there, and Cheryl! I didn't catch any grammar mistakes so good job with that! You're a very talented writer and I hope you continue to update
| SwordsOfEternalLight 6/24/12 . chapter 4
? A human Toa? Oh whatever.
Very nice way of describing Mata Nui.
| The Gentleman Ghost 6/7/12 . chapter 4
Hooray for random ice! Very well done! Update soon!
| Llewlitz 6/5/12 . chapter 1
I should have known I would find you here! xD
I read your fanfic a while back on the Lego Message Boards.
| Varkanax40 5/23/12 . chapter 1
Nicely done so far. I've just finished chapter 1. Your portrayal of Kopaka was spot-on.
| The Gentleman Ghost 5/23/12 . chapter 3
Hmmm...this has gotten even more interesting. Gotta love a quick update! Keep it up!
| Shatter Dave 5/23/12 . chapter 3
I remember Matt! ArghYeMateys guy wasn't it? Anyways, a good quick update!
| Sonictoa6 5/23/12 . chapter 3
your writing style has improved over the years Rahaga. I can tell you have added and changed some elements of your story (such as you fighting an ash bear instead of the origional muaka)
| Shatter Dave 5/21/12 . chapter 2
Good job! I love the detail you put in the story! The only complaint I have is how she defeated the Ash Bear. To me it seems unrealistic. I dont know, maybe its just me.
| The Gentleman Ghost 5/20/12 . chapter 2
Just one pronlem:
First you refer to ash bear as a cat, then as a bear, then as a cat again. An ash bear is not a cat so I would recommend changing that. Other than that I found this chapter quite stimulating. Keep it up!
| Guest 5/14/12 . chapter 1
Great job introducing the story! You really draw me in here; I definitely want to read more. Are you planning on more of this story? Because it sounds to be an intriguing one. I'd definitely read it!
I really love your characterization of the main character, Cheryl, in the beginning. A responsible young twelve-year-old who knows how to appreciate the simple things in life :) She's so sweet and straightforward, but she shows a clear edge to her with her retorts and such.
Some of the witty retorts do feel a bit forced in the intensity of the situation, but they are funny. Telling us more her thought process behind mouthing off to Makuta, or her reaction to an instinctive quip, would round her out more as a character and make the moment more believable.
But I love Cheryl's characterization. She's young and innocent; her world consists of homework and finishing her "99-cent ramen" (I love that detail!) Her reaction to seeing Makuta is that she's obviously imagining him, and she laughs at herself. Literally moments after someone trying to kill her, she's pouting about not getting one of the "fun" Toa Her interaction with Kopaka really sets up for potentially fantastic character clashing between them. All in all, Cheryl's a great, realistic main character. She feels real, detailed and consistent.
Kopaka's extreme sharpness in his words surprised me at first. He's blunt and sarcastic, yes, but he doesn't threaten. But the line at the end, "... in case something should happen to me" made it click so well. He's on a mission to prevent his home from going without a protector. He has to be irritated that something could potentially defeat him, that he has to "stoop down" to finding help, and now it's this smart-mouth little girl he may have to leave his duties to. I'm not surprised he's snapping at her. He really does sound like Kopaka, though, especially the "To kill you; to protect you; and you serve some purpose" line. I just about laughed out loud, reading that.
"I didn't bother to take the house key" - That line got me. Very strong sign of how big this is, leaving. The locket, too, taking a picture of her family. Very simple detail, but really packs a lot of emotion. I can see the locket possibly becoming something to hold onto in the homesick times.
I do hope you plan on continuing this! You've definitely pulled me in. Can't wait to read more! :D
| The Gentleman Ghost 4/1/12 . chapter 1
I like your portrayal of Kopaka. It's just how the books and movies described him. And speaking as one who hasn't read the original version of the story, let me just say that it has captured my interest(with a bear trap, ouch) and I will definitely be on the lookout for updates.
P.S. Hooray for being the first reviewer!