|Reviews for Harry Potter and the King of Knights|
| DruidFWY 1/17/13 . chapter 4
All right, before I read any further I would just like to give you my opinions on this fic. I have been looking over FSN crossovers for a while and I was also in a little HP mood as well. Very sadly there are notoriously few Harry/Arturia centric stories, yours and another one in the Crossover section are the only ones I have seen.
The premise itself caught my attention, Harry/Arturia is rare (and I do not know why, it should be common), Arturia being summoned by Harry even without the Grail Wars Taking place, I smell Zelretch's intervention in this one...
No on to the problems...unfortunately no fic is perfect and yours do have some. Firstly, I find the events, conversations, and generally the situations to be very under-developed...such as;
Harry's lack-luster reaction to finding out that he is speaking to King Arthur, he should have at least gone speechless at least for a short moment, sputter in shock or expressed some form of skepticism. The start was rather rushed.
Next, how does Dumbledore accept Arturia so fast? I would have expected him to have asked many more questions than just saying 'welcome'. Perhaps as you have implied that Dumbledore has prior knowledge of Typemoon events, though that does not really explain much to readers. Then there is Arturia enrolling in Hogwarts, everything in between has not been explained, did Dumbledore announce her arrival to the student body and professors? Why is there no gossip or rumours? Or the fact that the 'famous' Harry Potter is seen conversing with different people instead of his usual friends? Furthermore, is Harry really allowed to use flo during schooling? So many questions!
The choosing of wands is also always a pivotal moment for Harry Potter stories, and by extension fanfiction and frankly I was excited to read that part. You skipped it entirely when it should have been an interesting experience for Arturia. Dumbledore cannot just give a wand to another, she has to visit a Wand-maker and get one that fit her.
Another thing that bugs me is how can Harry turn a full 180 in reaction to Hermione and Ron (already damning Hermione...that is harsh)? Sure they are doubtful about the Goblet incident, but that does not immediately constitute to Harry treating them like enemies.
Lastly, which is perhaps the most problematic...the story does not have a solid progression, everything is rushed. It is essentially going from one event to another; I really recommend that you draw things out a little, give an explanation here and there. Next is my personal opinion, there is too much first person writing, I think third person would be better for this story.
Do not take this as a flame, in fact I never flame anyone; just giving my comments that is all. I like the premise of this story, and the pairing is definitely interesting. EVEN if Harry is OOC, I like it when he is not angsty, that always rub me the wrong way. I am hoping that you will improve in future chapters, even if your update time takes longer, it always helps to ensure that you draw things out and make sure you are happy with the chapter before posting it. Good luck, I will keep an eye of this story for now.
| soulknight121 10/5/12 . chapter 7
It just was another day , well the cats in the cradle and silver spoon little boy blue and the man in the moon by cat Stevens
| CloudBloodbane 10/4/12 . chapter 7
Sounds like a cat's in the cradle reference I think by Harry Chapin.
| god of all 10/4/12 . chapter 7
Great story so far please continue this story soon.
| god of all 6/15/12 . chapter 2
Great chapter and story so far please continue this story soon.
| Pokemon Master Razit 6/6/12 . chapter 6
good story. i like that the king is getting a chance to have a bit of a life. cause she probaly didn't have but a little time in the past. also the pairing of harry/arther/fluer is a good one. i also like how harry has the potential for greatness but he has to work for it. but also his ablities speeds it up a little bit and allows him to push harder.
| Pokemon Master Razit 6/6/12 . chapter 1
| riffin121294 6/6/12 . chapter 6
It seems harry darker personality came out. Good story
| Acolyte of the Blood Moon 5/11/12 . chapter 5
I like this story, it's not bad, but a bit more dialogue would be nice.
| Pokemon Master Razit 5/8/12 . chapter 5
| Cassandra30 5/3/12 . chapter 1
| Spring Raine 5/3/12 . chapter 5
I'd like to see a SaberxFleurxHarry pairing.
I'm glad Harry didn't forgive Hermione. Iget that she's feeling guilty now, but after what she did how can she expect him to forgive her so easily?
I like stories where Harry has a brain and a backbone so I'm very happy to see him doing better in his schoolwork. I think his schoolwork suffers because Hermione hates having anyone getting better grades then her and Harry didn't want to annoy Ron by getting good grades as well.
| Tanned Snapette 5/3/12 . chapter 5
Other than some grammatical issues, your story flows well and the character development works.
| Narjiro 5/3/12 . chapter 5
Saber fleur harry please
| DoctorWho41 4/24/12 . chapter 1
Good idea please continue