BAWL! Loved it. Ha, Vince, I'd totally turn you down too. I hate it when guys propose in front of crowds-how are you supposed to say no then? But she did! Good for her! ...Jim? Theodore? Am I detecting a pattern of familiar names, my dear Cartega? :D Beautifully-written, adored every word!

Very interesting start. I noticed in your bio you said you were a young writer and that you'd like some points of construction. There's very little to criticise, you write very well, you'd never have guessed your age, you seem to have a really good insight into what someone of vince's age might feel.

The only point of construction I might suggest is to space out your larger chunks of text to major it easier to read.