|Reviews for Remember When|
| persevera 5/16/13 . chapter 21
I'm glad that Sylvia chastised Kristin for her shortness to Nathan. She does need him for what she's going through and he was just about perfect in this chapter. I loved it when he said that it was hard to hear her cry when he couldn't comfort her. That's the kind of sentiment that would make Sylvia sigh, I think, since she was used to a man who, rather than worrying about comforting her, was the source for most of her tears.
Nathan supported but didn't smother and had a cup of tea waiting for her after her bath. I just thought that was very sweet.
I liked his confrontation with the admiral and Knox, where they pretty much admitted knowing that Richard was funding them with illegal money and that was fine, as long as it was kept secret. Nathan/Jack's response to that was perfect. I'm sure he was a little turned off by it but understood the purpose for maintaining the status quo and just wanted to keep Kristin/Sylvia out of it.
Kristin's comment that she'd rather be in a room alone with Richard than with those two was ominous.
One thing to consider: [Nathan thought for a moment, trying to think of how to respond to all this]-You essentially use the same word twice, because if he thought, then he was thinking. It's especially redundant because the next sentence begins, ["I really don't think Mrs. Mayfield knows anything]. So maybe you could say instead...Nathan thought for a moment about how to respond to all of this...or how he should respond maybe. You get the idea.
| thats-a-moray 5/15/13 . chapter 37
["It's to restore blood flow to the brain," Nathan explained. He carefully laid Kristin on her back, being sure her feet were elevated. He then sat next to her to try and wake her. "Kristin? Kristin?"] I like that Nathan seems to be keeping a cool head here.
[Sylvia gave her a kind smile. "When you were under hypnosis, your mind created this place. This is where you feel safe. This is where no one can hurt you. I brought you here."] So Sylvia is still exerting some influence over Kristin...
["I did, but you failed to mention the trauma I'd have because of it."] Something about this sentence doesn't quite click with me. I think 'failed to mention' is a little understated? It sounds a bit too clinical. Also for Kristin to call it 'trauma' seems like an admission that she has been traumatized by these events, when she's actually been trying very hard to get past everything that's occurred and is always insisting that everything is 'fine', so while she certainly HAS been traumatized I'm not sure she would use that word. I could certainly see her accusing Sylvia of having wronged her, but I think, subconsciously, she would use a different wording.
Jeeze, Knox is a dick. I'm wondering though, why is he so fixated on Sylvia? I assume this guy gets off on violence, so when he found himself presented with the opportunity to violate Sylvia before he killed her he simply couldn't resist (this would also imply that he knew he would be called to kill Sylvia and his stalking her was a way for him to savor the kill, sort of prolong his pleasure). This sort of behavior also implies that Sylvia is far from Knox's first victim. He has almost certainly raped other women (his boldness indicates a self assurance that he will not be caught, implying that he has gotten away with it before) and possibly killed other people too. So why haunt Sylvia in particular? What was it about killing her that was so special?
["Go run a lukewarm bath."] If her fever is 104, shouldn't they give her a cold bath? Wikipedia also suggested lukewarm baths, but I assume that's for a normal fever. Kristin's temperature is almost at 105 and brain damage occurs at 107.
[He lowered his voice. "Is this because of the Xanax?"] Swear to god Nathan, I'm gonna slap you!
["Did you notice she said me instead of her?" Lucas suddenly blurted out.] Now that is some detective work! I didn't even pick up on that in the last chapter.
["They look like rope burns," Nathan noted.] If this is the case, is Kristin also showing other physical signs of being raped? I'm wondering if Joshua is equipped to deal with something like that...
["So you do think it's the pills?"] Yes Nathan, the pills gave her rope burns. *slaps him*
[ "I told him he could go back to sleep if he wanted. The poor thing was just exhausted."] It's so sweet that Kristin is still thinking of Lucas at at a time like this. It shows tremendous bravery and compassion.
[Nathan gently rubbed her back, and it wasn't long before he heard her breathing slow. He was relieved she finally was able to sleep, but he knew the rest of his night would be sleepless. He wasn't sure what was going on with Kristin, and he was afraid that if he did sleep, he wouldn't be able to keep his promise.] I'm not sure he'll be able to even if he doesn't sleep. He can't actually control what happens inside of Kristin's head. The most he can do is provide a feeling of security, which may help to lessen her nightmares (assuming they are just nightmares), and comfort her when she wakes up. Either way, this puts them in an interesting position. They're both exhausted but neither one of them can really sleep. It sort of reminds me of Nightmare on Elm Street.
Great chapter! I love how you're keeping the story moving forward, adding new complications to the plot as we progress. :)
| thats-a-moray 5/14/13 . chapter 36
Just FYI, I have some mixed feelings about this chapter. On one hand I really enjoyed the parts with Lucas. Those were definitely my favorite parts of this chapter. I also liked seeing him working in his natural element on the Internex (being in 1941 must have been torture for a computer nerd) and how self-confident he was while helping Nathan look for the admiral's desk. It was a nice contrast to how depressed he was last chapter and seeing him happy felt cathartic. As for the parts I didn't like, I'll get to those further down.
[They'd gone to see the new Avenger's sequel at the multiplex...] Huh, I wasn't expecting a reference to media in our world, but I really like this; it grounds the story well and sets it apart from the time they spent in the past. 2019 is only six years away.
["Lucas, we're on shore leave in Pearl Harbor. If you want to see your father, whose power plant is only a short distance away, I'm sure we could arrange something."] This seems a little too expositional. I think you should cut 'whose power plant is only a short distance away.' 'We're on shore leave in Pearl Harbor' implies that Lucas's father on the island somewhere. Even if the reader misses this cue, it will become clear later in the story when they do visit Lucas's father. :)
Woaaah, Nathan's outburst... I'm sorry to say this, but I just lost a lot of respect for him. Does he have some sort of phobia of drugs or tranquilizers? With the way he reacted, I thought Kristin was allergic to the pills or that she chugged down half the bottle. To be clear: what I'm about to say is my PERSONAL reaction to Nathan's outburst. I do see how it fits with his character and I am NOT saying that it was written poorly or that it should be changed in any way. But, as I said earlier, it did alter my point of view on Nathan and I'd like to explain why.
It's as if she didn't trust her to make her own decision about the medication. This is probably to do with the fact that I and my mother take medication and, I have to say, our lives have been significantly improved by it. I would probably not have started writing any of my fics if I hadn't got up the courage to try anti-depressants (I intend to get off of them once my life is stable, but for the time being they have been immensely helpful). My best friend did the same thing - but her boyfriend at the time was horribly unsupportive of her and it caused her a lot of grief. She's not the only person I know whose been through that. I know that Xanex is a completely different medication. It's not the medication that bothers me, it's Nathan's reaction to it.
I am glad that he got over it once he had some time to think, but I have to say, I found it unsettling and I'm just glad Kristin was unconscious during his outburst. Even though his concern came from love, I'm afraid he might be becoming too overprotective of her.
["That is Veronica Watson's phone number," Lucas said with a grin.] Now THAT is awesome. Go Lucas!
["We met on the beach, and she's my age."] Is there a reason why you're emphasizing Veronica's age? I assumed they were about the same age.
["Fine…we can arrange for you and this Veronica to go on a date…as long as you're responsible and stay out of trouble."] Jeeze, Nathan the kill-joy. But woah! What's this about a Juliana? O_o Maybe Nathan is right this time.
["It was just a silly dream."] 'Silly' is not the word that I would use, Nathan.
[Joshua shrugged. "I'm sure it's just a phase," he whispered back.] Dude... probably not!
I'm not sure what to make of Joshua here. Is he just trying to make Nathan feel better? I realize that he doesn't know that Kristin/Sylvia was raped by both Richard and Knox, but having such vivid dreams about rape should be a cause for concern. Also, Joshua is into the supernatural, right? There is a phenomenon where people report being raped by ghosts in their sleep. And given what we know (1. Knox is dead, 2. Ghosts are real) that seems like a likely possibility! I'd say it at least warrants investigation.
I hope Kristin is okay. Hopefully she at least managed to get some good REM sleep before all of... THAT. O_O
Again, I am loving this subplot you've got going with Lucas. I hope to see more of it.
| thats-a-moray 5/14/13 . chapter 35
[It was no secret it probably would have happened eventually, however, giant whirlpool vortex or none.] I don't think you need 'however'. You used it a few sentences ago and it feels kind of out of place here. :)
[Kristin had been the most affected out of all of them, for obvious reasons.] I'm not sure it is obvious? The question of why Kristin seemed to be vulnerable to this sort of thing and trying to figure it out was a major plot point in earlier chapters.
I have a question about Sylvia. I considered it before, but for some reason it's been nagging me more this chapter. If Sylvia was Kristin's past life then shouldn't they share the same soul? If that's the case, how could Sylvia be reincarnated as Kristin if her soul never passed on?
["Of course," she replied. "Of course, if you change your mind, I'll be right here."] You repeated 'of course' twice. I dunno if this was intentional.
["He told me that my mother didn't seem all that broken up about it."] That is just heart breaking. :(
These chapters have been a nice change of pace from the ones set in the past. I like seeing Kristin get really angry and being proactive. I especially liked seeing her with Lucas and I'm looking forward to seeing this subplot develop.
Jeeze, poor Kristin. I'm not sure if she's losing it or actually dealing with spooky ghost stuff. Neither option is particularly good. Great chapter!
[Nathan remembered that a week or so later after, she then seemed fine.] Extra word.
["Well, Joshua will be stopping here later; he wants to give you an exam to make sure you're bump is healing well enough..."] your
| Edhla 5/13/13 . chapter 45
D'aww, that scene between Kristin and Lucas is completely adorable and so well-crafted. You let them emote without being overwrought, which is something I really value in a good fic. (As an aside, Dark, you need to forgive me if I ever spell "Kristin" as "Kristen"- my boss is "Kristen", and I'm used to typing it :) )
"Awoke with a scream..." I had a feeling poor Kristin wasn't going to catch a break for long :(
I think it was awesome that Kristin asked Nathan not to touch her; given that she's just had night terrors, it seems quite understandable, especially if she's not sure what's real and what isn't right now.
"Anger..." I love me some Angry Kristin! (I have no idea why, but you'll have to go with it ;) )
Your description of Kristin's rope burns was *excellent*, Dark. I felt them on my own wrist, and that's seriously not easy to do with me.
Seriously, STAKE THROUGH KNOX'S EVIL HEART. And then set him on fire. Which I'm not sure works if he's not physically there, but they can try, right? He's been carrying on with Kristin's mental state for far too long.
TBH I was a little hesitant with some of Nathan's words and actions in this chapter, and I'm not sure whether you intended it or not. His primary motivation to calm down Kristin sometimes seemed to be "because you are making me feel bad", and I arced up at "your little Frank Knox problem." Little? (!) I'm perhaps more feisty than Kristin, but I'd be rather PO'd at someone referring to the issue that's slowly ruining my life as "little." But as in all things, your mileage may vary. I thought I'd mention the alternative interpretation, though, see what you think :)
The argument speaks to that (I wrote the above before I'd read it, I review as I go :D ) I like that you show Kristin's frazzled nerves and the idea that a hug and kiss from Nathan isn't going to "fix" things... and that Nathan seems genuinely baffled about what to do. Nice tension there, very well done xx
| MadameGiry25 5/13/13 . chapter 45
Awww! That was such a sweet scene between the two of them. I really loved the way that you used the scenes from the movie to give us an idea of how much time went by, but they also gave the scene a rather lovely flavor. The whole thing just came together really nicely for me. Loved it! So brief, and yet so poignant in so many ways...
"She shuddered slightly..." Granted, this is a bit nitpicky, but I kind of wondered about this description. It makes it feel like it's been a long time since the dream and she's remembering it from a distance. Might want to consider something that shows her state in the presence. Just a little thought that stood out to me a bit.
"...losing her mind…again" Happens to me a lot, particularly around exam season. /shot But in all seriousness, I like the way that you use this to show us what's going through her mind. She thought that she was basically done with the worst part, and it turns out that she isn't. Can't be an easy thing to deal with by any stretch of the imagination.
I really liked the anger between the two of them right after she woke up. It's a different view of them, and that shakes things up a bit. She's in a different stage of this ordeal, and I really like the way that this shows it. She is stronger than she was, but she still has so much healing that she needs. Nathan's behavior is really helping her out here, even if she can't appreciate it at the time... poor dear! It makes it difficult to know that her behavior hurts Nathan, but it all has to be that way for now. She's not ready for anything else.
"...couldn't stay in there all day..." Wha-at? No fun! XD
The pretty much nonchalant way that she initially views the injuries on her wrists makes me shiver, but it really does make sense at this point. I would probably flip out if I found injuries on myself from a dream, but I guess that Kristin's pretty used to such things by now. ;)
"Are you all right?" On the plus side, the door probably would have locked at his presence even if Kristin hadn't done it. Poor Nathan always getting stuck on the wrong side of the locked door!
That little teaser from Knox... poor Kristin! I almost hate to say it for her sake, but he really just needs to get this over with. We'll go and point him to the captain of the George and they can have a nice long chat and figure out these intense anger issues. /shot
Again, the strain on their relationship is quite interesting, and they are both so lucky that Nathan isn't giving up on her yet. She just needs to trust him now. He will do everything that he can do help her.
I'm not going to deny it: I was giggling when Nathan was acting all concerned in the car. That was just an adorable mental image... I like the fact that she can be exasperated by just a small thing, rather than constantly being focused on the big thing. Let's hope that they can get the letter and get it over with soon, for both their sakes.
Noo, Kristin! Don't just leave! That's the worst possible thing you could do! Oh, dear, this is not going to be good. Not good at all.
Looking forward to the next chapter! Well done and keep up the great work!
| thats-a-moray 5/11/13 . chapter 34
[No, what he did wasn't right.] Minor nit-pick: this is kind of an obvious statement. We know what the admiral did wasn't right, even if he was just a pawn, so I think you can cut this out. I'm not sure if I've said this before, but I tend to seek out lines like this one because I love reading streamlined prose. Of course it's really up to you. :)
["It just better stay that way," Nathan answered as he turned to leave.] You know, Nathan spends so much time doting on Kristin, I forgot how intimidating he can be. He is really over protective of her. Not that it hasn't come in handy.
[When the bath was full enough, she undressed and stepped into the bath.] This sentence is a little repetitive. Instead of using 'bath' twice you could end the sentence with 'water'.
[She opened her mouth to scream, but the effort was quickly distinguished because Knox put his hands on her shoulders and forced her down beneath the water.] Damnit! That scared me! Also I'm annoyed with Kristin for falling asleep in the bath. Jeeze girl, first you almost die in the past and now that you're back in the present you nearly drown yourself? XD Oh well.
It's interesting that Kristin has lost weight since her trip and received a bruise. Although, I do feel you may be playing up "something isn't right" a little too much. You mention some variation of Kristin "not feeling right" almost every paragraph, but the strange things that keep happening to her - losing Sylvia's ring, finding a bruise, dreaming of Frank Knox - make it clear that SOMETHING IS NOT RIGHT HERE. More show, less tell.
Great work! I'm eager to see what happens next.
[She looked down at the small bag or toiletries in her hand...] of
| thats-a-moray 5/7/13 . chapter 33
I don't think you needed the AN to explain this. I suppose it's nice that you thought to include it, but this kind of time dilatation is a pretty common trope that most people should be familiar with (ex: The Wizard of Oz).
Minor point: It's a little weird that the nurse is referred to as "the nurse" in prose and yet Kristin knows her name, so it seems like she should always be called Natalie. This might just be an oversight.
It is a bit unnerving that Kristin is having these nightmares... it could just be the trauma of the event, but the fact that Sylvia's ring is also missing is troubling, too. I suppose it could have been lost during the storm, although that does seem kind of unlikely since she was wearing it around her neck, so she would have had to hit her head very hard for it to come off completely. I don't think Joshua would have taken it off of her.
["I'm only sorry you need to call them up and explain that it was all a mistake."] I get what he means, but it still seems like an odd thing to say. I'm sure their families will be extremely happy to hear the good news.
[... you are all going to be ordered to spend the next week in Pearl resting.] ... Pearl Harbor? Oh... O_O
[It wasn't long before Nathan and Captain Abernathy...] Minor point: I don't think you need a break between these paragraphs, but that's up to you.
I'm really curious to see where you take this story next. Great job!
| Empress Nightshade 5/7/13 . chapter 22
Oh boy, it looks like Kristin might be in trouble. Knox doesn't seem too friendly a character. Although, I think you're portrayal of him was really good. He truly did come across a creepy. Also, Kristin's reactions to the news from Sylvia, the dream, and Knox were really realistic. I could almost feel her emotions when I was reading it. And I have to admit it would be pretty scary thinking you're going to die because you've been dragged into a past life. However, she does have Nathan and the rest of the crew, so hopefully things will work out. Keep up the good work.
| thats-a-moray 5/6/13 . chapter 32
[Kristin didn't like the way that Knox was looking her up and down.] And neither do I. He might not be her killer, but I've had a bad vibe off of him from the beginning. :(
[But Knox saw his opportunity and pounced, so to speak.] I'd lose 'so to speak.' I can easily see Knox as the 'pouncing' type. Like a rapey mountain lion.
[I'm not going to let them hurt you.] I'm with Kristin on this one. Sylvia is doing her best to protect Kristin, but she can't protect her from being physically hurt - she can only stop her from experiencing it as it is happening. I'm extremely worried for both of them right now.
[Kristin turned her head for a split second to see him land flat on his face; she then made a dash for the boathouse and looked for a place to hide.] This is an interesting twist. Usually it's the girl that falls. Haha Knox, you dick. I hope you fell in dog shit. (Also, just curious, what kind of shoes is Sylvia wearing? Cuz if she's doing this in high heels that's damned impressive.)
[Reggie stood there, dumbfounded. When she found her voice again, she asked, "What's that supposed to mean?"] Another twist? Interesting...
[Sylvia smiled. "Hi."] ... THE FUCK.
Well that just blew my mind. I thought for sure that it was Nathan looking for her. I had forgotten that Sylvia was going to create a storm. She did one hell of a job.
[It was apparent he was going to rape her.] You REALLY don't need this line. It's far too matter-of-fact, and it's been clear for a long time that he plans to rape her.
But other than that, this was an excellent chapter! Great work! I especially loved the suspenseful ending.
[He knocked on the door where Ben Krieg, was staying.] Unneeded comma.
| lilgenious 5/6/13 . chapter 2
I remember reading the first chapter of this story and quickly read over the first chapter before jumping to this one.
The first thing that I have to say is that I love a good old mystery. The entire case with Sylvia Mayfield is intriguing to say the least and how the forensic team decided to drop the investigation because it was too old, is odd. Though fascinating.
Kristin seems intent on discovering what happened to this poor woman. The way that Sylvia died made me shudder, she was still alive when she was placed into that chest and dumped into the ocean. Which is a frightening and painful experience.
I can't say much on the characterisation because I have never watched SeaQuest before, but I know enough about them through your writing that I can tell that the murder investigation is in good hands. They are going to solve it, even if they are not a forensic team. I think that all of them are rather haunted by the memory of what they discovered in that chest. They aren't going to rest until they know what happened to her and possibly get an arrest for the murder of that poor woman. Especially Kristin.
I love the mystery. I love how you have the team working on the case and I love how you have intrigued me to read the next chapter.
You have me looking forward to reading the rest!
| Empress Nightshade 5/4/13 . chapter 20
Wow, it's been so long since I've read this, but this was a really good chapter. I loved the hypnosis scene. And all the information Sylvia gave was both interesting and very worrisome. Hopefully, they can figure out something to help Kristen. Although, I'm sure she won't take the news very well. Keep up the good work.
| MadameGiry25 5/2/13 . chapter 44
The beginning reminds me a bit of the weather/mood simile that you used in Justice with the way that the late afternoon sun reflects the fact that Kristin is beginning to strengthen again. She's feeling that much more sunny inside. What a weight off her chest!
"Joshua had told you," Ha, dodging the question, are we, dearie? I love the way that she's still playing innocent, even now. Probably a good defense mechanism, after what she's put Kristin through.
"...the clouds rolled in..." Now, I admit that this is being kind of nitpicky. But I almost wonder if it would be better to go into a little more detail about the clouds here. It's an important transition, and the description of the weather's change could really add to the suspense and the fear that's beginning to ramp up. Just a thought that struck me.
"...so hard, it felt as..." I want to say that you don't need that comma, but I'm not 100% sure.
"...she found herself being..." It's kind of cool the way that she is only aware of the fact that she's running into the branches, but she can't exacly see what's going on. There's so much fear in this section with the knowledge that Knox is right behind them, and they aren't in the real world and there's still that little bit that's unresolved... *shivers*
"Frank Knox keeps me here." Depending on how much Kristin actually remembers from the George... I could really see her head spinning right here. I keep getting this mental image of her swooning in a gorgeous gown... Only this time she doesn't have Nathan to help protect her. Or Lucas. Lucas would be good too. :D Now I really want to rewatch Knight of Shadows.
"...wants that more than I do" No kidding! I don't blame her!
"...watching The Exorcist..." So, not really a science movie then. XD
"Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory" D'awww! That is just the most absolutely adorable choice after what we just saw happen! I love the Lucas/Kristin scenes. It's especially adorable when Lucas is the one being supporting. *happy sigh*
It's quite curious that Jack disappeared without a death certificate. I'm not familiar with Peal Harbor, but I suppose it's probably not all that unusual for the men who disappeared to not get an official record. Of course, that does help if someone... wanted to make him disappear without anyone being suspicious. I'd not really stopped to consider Jack after everything. But I wonder if Nathan could get information where Lucas can't... hmmmmm.
Another fabulous chapter, lovely! I look forward to the next!
| Edhla 5/1/13 . chapter 44
"A happy sigh." Well, it's been 44 chapters coming, but it's about dang time ;) Of course, I strongly suspect that things are not all over and well and great, but even if she's getting temporary relief from what she's been going through, that's enough for me :)
"Literally could not..." I know the feeling, Kristin. You did well describing this part; it sounded authentic.
Holy crud, Frank Knox again? They need an exorcist or something for this creep. Gone. Finished. Incinerated. Stake through his heart. Something!
"Not much further"- oh, Kristin :( You should know that whenever anyone says, "Not much further" they generally mean "a whole heap further"- though I feel bad for her here.
"We were watching the Exorcist..." I swear I hadn't read that before I suggested they need an exorcist for Frank Knox above :) Mindmeld!
"Certainly not a horror film..." beg to differ. The boat ride is terrifying ;) Lucas is too cute about his not-a-date though.
I love that you're bringing it back to the Pearl Harbour attacks and the context of Sylvia's murder, too. Excellent work :)
| Sierraoscar154 4/27/13 . chapter 43
Yay, and back to this story again!
Poor Nathan (and poor Kristin), I really feel for the guy; he's powerless to stop what's happening to the one person he cares about the most, but this is something that in taking in the mindspace of Kristin, not himself, so all he can do is to standby.
I feel like I should know some of their names in the not-quite-heaven-but-might-as-well-be place, with Amelia, Rebecca and Mary...I thought of Amelia Earhart, but that just might be a coincidence and probably due to not paying attention during the rest of the story.
Whatever the case though, it seems like peace is finally at hand for Kristin and Sylvia. The imagery here was fantastic, and describing afterlife that these people found themselves in was calming and reassuring.
One thing I felt was a bit iffy was the CPR scene; when you do CPR, you're more than likely to break a couple of ribs in the process. I do understand that this is a more paranormal take and that CPR did not *revive* her, but I think that she would have been a bit more injured by Joshua doing CPR. That's just my take on it though, and that was the only thing that really bugged me about the chapter.
But, things are looking like they're returning to normal; maybe peace is upon us once again.