|Reviews for The Lion King: Shattered|
| jtgil 3/20/13 . chapter 3
Are you still going? This is amazing!
| Rih4L 9/24/12 . chapter 1
This is so good! I can't wait to see what happens next. (:
| Vitani825 9/8/12 . chapter 3
Excellent story. I'll be waiting for the next chapter.
| Gingyz 8/14/12 . chapter 3
Evee is the best nom character remake ever
| Guest 8/14/12 . chapter 3
| Guest 8/13/12 . chapter 2
| Shembre 8/5/12 . chapter 3
Very cute so far! I normally don't read (or write as you know) fluffy stuff, but this works well for now since I know everything is going to get pretty crazy eventually. Keep it up!
| Guest 8/1/12 . chapter 1
Ew Lion Sex
| Aaron 8/1/12 . chapter 2
You should keep writing this and make it better and longer
| Guest 7/5/12 . chapter 2
Loving the emotion, here - especially the idea of Scar's ghost rearing its ugly head, by way of these quips - "I am the king; I can do whatever I want to!" "You sound like your uncle..."
You must continue... ;)
| Guest 7/5/12 . chapter 1
This is good, Shayu! You've certainly got potential, as a writer - just remember to use a spell-check; for those words that you find difficult to spell!
| Shembre 4/30/12 . chapter 1
Hey! Finally getting around to reviewing this- read it like a week ago and started a review but my internet died and I had to restart my computer to get it to work. It's not the best. :B
First off, read the M version and then looked at the end of the T version to compare them. Very interesting so far, and when I was reading, and Kiara and Kovu came upon the mysterious stranger I was like, "Is she... is she one of those spirits they were looking for?" And then she was and that made me happy. That was a cute moment. :D You've already set it up nicely, that for part of the story at least, Kiara and Kovu will be working on their relationship and strengthening it. They've already taken certain steps to solidify their relationship (which would be painful for a female cat of any kind, since male felines have barbs on their manhoods that are there to make the female ovulate. That's why there's a lot of screeching that goes on during cat mating season- not sure if you knew that since Kiara seemed to be enjoying herself without discomfort ;). Now it'll be interesting to see where the rest of this story goes!
And one thing that I noticed is that you have some issues with your homophones. From what I remember, I saw that at least "knew" should have been new, and flower "pedal" should have been flower petal. c: Something else is the way that you break up dialogue. There were a couple of parts where it was rough to tell who was talking because you placed the dialogue below the action tag. I know I do that a lot, but mostly to indicate pauses or to set "dramatic" text apart from the rest. That's not a big deal though. But something else is that each character should have their own line. For instance, there is this line: "He started off in their previous direction. She giggled at him as he did." You probably can get away though, if you wrote instead, "She giggled at him as he started off in their previous direction." That way, it's more like Kiara is watching Kovu going way, rather than two different character actions on the same line/paragraph. :D Try to do the same throughout the same chapter, since a lot of pieces that I've read discourage "head hopping". That's why for JBtS each section is from a new character's POV. :)
Hope that helps, and wasn't too rough! But I know you can take it! :D
| Cylocrux 4/23/12 . chapter 1
Alrighty then - I got here from DA, which means I saw the picture of Madness (Props to Shembre, by the way!). I have to say, I didn't think I'd be all that interested in a story involving Silent HIll, but dang, this looks pretty good! There are a few punctuation glitches here and there (commas and periods), but nothing too serious. I'd also advise against creating large blocks of text when describing people and places, as it can be difficult to read through them.
Overall, I hope you update soon, as it's very apparent that you have quite the story...
(I read the mature version too - very well done!)