|Reviews for Yen Yani Yolie|
| PenGator3 5/15/12 . chapter 2
Slightly deconstructive but good...
| PenGator3 4/24/12 . chapter 1
I don't care; it's good!
| Breaking Bunnies 4/22/12 . chapter 1
Why 'ello there! This section seems to be on an increase of new writers; it's always nice to scope-out some fresh talent for this lovely cartoon. But enough of a crap-tastic intro and onto a review.
Two things I like exploring in fanfiction are gender-swaps and humanizations, though I've only accomplished the latter. I believe that this is the first time anyone has gender-bent the characters, while human versions abound. Since Yin and Yang were designed to incorporate gender-sterotypes into their persons, it's rather amusing to see those traits planted in the opposite body. I believe the episode using that ploy was 'Personality Problem.'
One thing I would like to start on is the new character names. Yin and Yang are of course based upon the Chinese philosophy, yin meaning 'dark' and 'feminine' while yang meaning the verso. Therefore, technically girl!Yang should carry his/her sister-now-brother's name, and vice versa. However, I understand why you would ignore this. Another thing is that the twins' theme colors did not change as I would have expected, from pink to more reddish and bleu de France to baby blue like a certain round-headed superhuman blond.
Instead of ranting on punctuation or grammar, I'll move to a more important point: the characters themselves. Naturally, boys and girls act much differently at any age, but at times I felt wrong-rubbed by how one or more behaved.
Here are my examples:
/"Or learn new ways to almost get into juvie." Yen retorted back.
"Hey, I'm the older sibling! Show me some respect!"
"Show me exactly why!"
Both Yolie and Yani were shocked at what Yen had said. He was the well behaved one. To answer back in such a manner was unnerving to say the least./
Yes, in the show Yin WAS the more well-mannered; her and Yang still and all fought and disrespected one another quite regularly. So Yani and Yolie being unnerved is what's truly unsettling, especially Yani beginning to tear up.
/The twins rushed towards Carline only to stop when they saw the tears.
"Aw man! Great, how are supposed to kick her butt without looking like jerks!" Yen asked./
Last I watched the show, making a villain(ess) like Carl cry was considered a token of achievement. To back this up, the episode 'A Bad Case of the Buglies.' Unless this is the first time Carline has appeared, the town would know her as a B-grade nuisance, thus not caring whether the Knights-in-training made water flow. Of course, one cannot expect a writer to make a character one-hundred percent IC. And since this is your first Triple Y fic, it's forgivable unto you get a better feel of the characters.
One thing I shall say about your writing-style is that it can be greatly helped simply by reading more. Yeah. It's literally that easy. Another Triple Y author, GriffinsMustFly, mentioned in one of her reviews that when she first began to pen, she copied the style of another writer unto her own took form. Mayhap you'd like to try that? Expand description, lengthen your vocabulary list, and get a well-mixed satchel of sentence structures. All will draw-in readers.
Don't let my words get you down, and if you feel at all offended, do know that that is not my intention. Feel free to contact me via PM so we can work out any hard feelings, alrighty? The premise is a welcome back-away from shippingfics, and might I ask, is a character like Yuck going to appear? (Warning, you have encountered a wild Fangirl!) I'd love to see what exactly you'd do with him, being that he's technically a middlecell. Switch his preference to being viewed as a female or leave him the selfsame for comedic purposes? Hmm. Guess we'll have to see!
Write with joy,