|Reviews for Holdin' on to Black Metal|
| Beatlefan22 1/31/13 . chapter 13
| Guest 7/2/12 . chapter 12
Oh no! I hope they can kill Christina but not C-Jay considering he's their best friend and I hope he doesn't eat Lesley as bait and I hope that Paul can at least help Lesley but not get killed in the process! Please update soon I'm looking forward to the last chapters!
| Guest 6/30/12 . chapter 11
I wonder what's going to happen next? And if C-Jay is pulling a trick on them? I have a feeling he might be. And I also wonder who is going to fight Christina? Please update soon!
| KissMyBassSutcliffe 6/30/12 . chapter 11
| KissMyBassSutcliffe 6/19/12 . chapter 10
Yay happy birthday Paul! well yesterday... i love ya! so much! lol why didn't Paul give her mouth to mouth?
| Sarah 6/19/12 . chapter 10
I hope Lesley can kill Christina and not die! I also wonder if the possessed C-Jay will be angry with Lesley and if he was really trying to feed off of her? Please update soon!
| Hawker97 6/16/12 . chapter 9
I like it. You're a really good writer,making all this up.
| Dee 6/7/12 . chapter 9
Holy smokes. Just when I thought this story couldn't get any stranger.
On the bright side, I do see improvements in your work. Congrats.
Have a good morning/afternoon/night.
| KissMyBassSutcliffe 6/7/12 . chapter 9
lol Paul fainted! this is great I love it!
| CatnipMittens 6/5/12 . chapter 1
Great story so far. Just as good as the last one. It's also nice to see that Lesley has a friend. Keep up the good work!
| Sarah 6/5/12 . chapter 9
Interesting! I wonder how Alyssa was Christina? and how she became Christina. And if they will get Christina out of C-Jay's body and prevent her from ruling the world! Please update soon I am impatient when it comes to new chapters! XD
| TheCrazyBassist 6/4/12 . chapter 9
Wow, I'm impressed. You really stepped it up this chapter. For once, I actually understood what was happening, and I didn't have to re-read it. I still think that the dialogue is a bit hard to follow, but it's much better than before! Good job! :)
Just one bit of advice: You seem to have trouble staying in the right tense. I find the past tense to be the easiest, but I don't know if that'll work for you. :)
Update soon, please!
Peace and love, TheCrazyViolist
P.S. I laughed when Paul passed out. I know, I know, I'm mean.
| TheCrazyBassist 6/1/12 . chapter 8
Oh, no, the evil Alyssa strikes again! Whatever shall Lesley do? SAVE MY RINGO! PLEASE! And C Jay, I rather like him, lol. :)
Update soon, please.
Peace and love, TheCrazyViolist
| Dee 6/1/12 . chapter 8
I don't understand this story in the slightest. Alternate universe fics are something the seasoned writer usually stays clear from.
Let's talk characters. John, George, Paul, and Ringo are dangerously veering towards being OOC, Lesley is turning (or already turned) into being a Mary-Sue and your other OC's are vague and don't really seem to have personalities of their own. I think that if you sat down and wrote out each person specific traits and characterization you'd be a lot better off.
My next comments are that this plot and events are very strange. It doesn't make sense, I don't even know how John, C Jay, Hope, Paul and George came back to life again. Also, Paul in love with a seventeen-year-old? I don't think that would happen, no offense. Alyssa, the bully, just magically appears again? How did she get back into the Beatles' world? Paul probably wouldn't confess his love to a GIRL he met when she was thirteen and never saw again until she was four years older.
Now, my last bits of advice and suggestions. This is all pretty much dialogue, and not much of anything else. It's alright to have a conversation going, but break it up with a sentence or two about the setting or what another character is doing. Like:
"Hi, Paul!" Lesley greeted the handsome Beatle.
"Les, hi!" He excitedly said as he pulled her into a tight hug. From what she could see over his shoulder, the house looked nearly the same. The slick, leather sofas gleamed in the bit of sun and the golden, wood floors shinned. The air smelled faintly of tobacco smoke and lemons, a scent that brought Lesley comfort. George stood awkwardly in the corner, his hands stuffed into his pockets as he watched the two embrace.
She peeled herself off of the man and looked into his eyes. "I've missed you."
See how much better that sounds? It helps the reader more feel like they're standing alongside the characters you're writing about. Lastly, try to stay in the same verb tenses. What already happened, stays in the past tenses, while whatever the person is doing should stay in the present.
I mean this only as constructive advice, not flames. Please don't take this the wrong way.
Have a good day/morning/afternoon/night. I look forward to hopefully seeing you improve your work. Toodles.
| Sarah 5/29/12 . chapter 8
Oh my gosh I wonder what happened to C Jay! And I hope she can save them from Alyssa1 Please update soon!