I do have a bit of trouble when it comes to giving criticism, but I will try my best. I will fix the mistakes first.

"...that this must stop right now." you can remove the 'right' from right now only because it is a redundant expression.

"I don't see why all this is necessary," Trixie said, "I mean, it's pretty obvious that you like me." I am pretty sure you don't need the comma in I mean.

"Don't get me wrong here, your offers are tempting and all, but I still can't be too sure." This statement needs to replace the comma with a semicolon.

I think I can give more reviews so instead of putting it all as one, create multiple reviews. Also maybe you can review my Naruto horror fanfic, even if you don't actually read it.

Don't let Proflame kill the moment

AWESOME SAUCE!

nice,i love how u ended the chapter.i'm gonna read the next one now,i hope it's as good as this one.(take that trixie!)

"We're here to create love, not encourage antisocial behavior or stir up a ruckus."

XD EPIC LINE.