It's a good story idea and I don't mean to be hurtful when I say this, but you really need a Spell check, Grammar check and a Punctuation check. No offence but the Grammar Nazi in me was just bugging me to no end to say this. Get a friend or family member to check it over and fix the errors. Good luck with the rest, I'll follow so I can read it.

So. This story is better than your other story. The one from Harry Potter. That one was kind of hard to get through because of the spacing and your lack of punctuation. Something you can still work on in this one. With that said... please don't feel like I'm attacking you like 'silence too loud' and 'dreamsafantasy' They were just plain mean and cruel. Actually, I think they were being little bitches and tearing you down because they could (even though dreamsafantasy hasn't written a damn thing.. and silence too loud could use a little spellcheck and grammatical help herself). Don't get me wrong... you do have alot of work to do when it comes to your writing. BUT please do not give up. Practice makes perfect. You can get better and will if you work on your technique and just everything in general. Work at it.. and it'll get better. I promise

love the lost boys update soon!

*facepalm* That's all I have to say.