Hmm. This isn't too bad. You seem to really like using Lance, something that we both have in common. The plotline is interesting, to say the least. My only gripe is that when you use dialogue it's sometimes hard to distinguish it by who's talking. Other than that, this is good.

This is great!

Poor Lance! He's such a good guy, I feel so bad for him

I really like this story, but it's a little confusing at some points for me.