Your writing skills are awesome! The way the fight is described, Sayaka's emotions and all are beautiful! Cant read enough of this. Hope to see more update soon. Really love the way you write. Keep going!

omfg this is so good

I beg you with my sweet life: please write another chapter before I grow old and gray and Kyoko steals my candy. Please.

very nice plz update soon i wanna see what happens.

Just... great.
Your style of writing is perfect, the whole plot is perfect, the characters are perfect.
I think I've never read a better fanfiction than this one.
I look forward to the next chapter and will make sure to check out your other works as well! :)

Wow! That was a very intense! The demon fight was very interesting and visually appealing.

Oh that Sayaka! Her actions and reaction to the consequences of her wish seem a reasonable portrayal of what might have happened if she hadn't boarded that one way train to witch town.

Hitomi kind of surprises me though. I take it she hadn't done anything yet with respect to Kyousuke, as I feel she or Sayaka would have at least mentioned it. Interesting that without Madoka, Hitomi only has Sayaka as her best friend. No wonder she feels lonely now since she doesn't get much time with the Sayaka-chan!

good story can't wait for more

Good to see this updating :) The developments in this chapter are intriguing, and from what you say in your author's note, I'm especially looking forward to what you have in store for us.

Just a small point: at the very start of the chapter, that isn't what "perfunctory" means. It's only used to describe actions, and it means "carried out with a minimum of effort". (But maybe you were having Sayaka get it wrong deliberately?)

Welcome back, author. Good thing you came back. Even I, a new person in this fandom, couldn't really remember your plot that I had to reread everything before this new chapter. This said, would be great if you could update faster!

And with your promised Kyousaya chapter next I'm gonna bug you for it. Better update soon eh e u e

Welcome back, glad to see this updating again. I hope the next chapters come out soon.

Yay! Finally an update!
The character interaction is just fantastic in this chapter! So much dramaaaaah!
Wow, Homura has a really cool place! So much that Kyubey likes to hang out there too. hehe.

I was a little surprised by how much Kyouko advanced the plot on her own like that. That tracking thing kinda came out of the blue all the sudden. I could really feel the tension and frustration when the others had to deal with Kyouko being so smug about it. Even though she was getting a little arrogant, that line "I would do anything to protect you, Sayaka. A lie is a small price to pay for your life." made me very happy!

Noticed a mistake: Mami laughed. "I'm just kidding, Kyouko.
Should be Sayaka, right?

Definitely looking forward to the next couple of KyoSaya chapters!

I have to agree with ghikiJ about Sayaka. There are already a lot of fanfics that deal with her issues surrounding regrets and shattered idealism. It's nice to see a post-canon story that starts her afresh - still naive and idealistic, yet still able to develop and grow.

I'm curious to see how Kyouko and Sayaka establish a friendship later on; it is a gap in the story that I'm looking forward to be filled.

Also, something I found odd is how easily Kyouko convinces Sayaka not to go hunt the witch, since in the anime she would fervently strive to bring justice. I think it would have been better if Sayaka had fought a bit harder for her side of the argument instead of just listening to Kyouko with an "if you say so" attitude.

Your writing makes this story a joy to read, and I have to say that this is the best KyouSaya fanfic I've come across so far. You've done a great job editing, and there's only one typo that I can recall here in chapter 1:

"The redhead grinned, her lone fan glinting under the sun."
-fang, I presume?

The fight scenes are quite brutal and graphic - not usually my taste, but it certainly gives a darker feel to the story than I originally had expected.

Anyway, thanks for writing! Looking forward to reading more of this when (not if, right?) you update!

Thank you.

I wanted to let you know that I think you've really done justice to this idea, and I honestly enjoyed your story more than the original anime. You really have a way with the details that bring things to life. I've reread The Color Of Lilacs several times, just to catch, and appreciate, all the little turns of phrase you use. Writing aside, you obviously have experience editing (I only found a single typo, and I can sympathize from experience with how hard editing your own work can be) have a good grasp of story structure, and used those skills here. I'm really glad I found this fanfiction, so I just wanted to let you know that you're very talented and intelligent, and I really appreciated you spending your time to bring us, for free, this story.

Thank you. :-)

This is pretty good, though I notice you've changed a number of things from canon, like you said, operating off the vagueness of the anime's finale it works.

I liked the scene where Sayaka and Kyoko almost remembered Madoka, among others. Oh, and it's Sayaka Miki and Kyoko Sakura. I remember because they both sound like they have two first names to me.

A demon that makes people commit suicide... sounds a lot like a witch. Interestingly, your previous demon (the wolf) appeared to actually physically attack people (I doubt the ten year old cut his own neck that deep, though perhaps I'm wrong).

Finally, a KyouSaya fic in which I can actually agree with the way Sayaka is portrayed. After stalking the fandom for a couple of days and reading almost all the new stuff I have missed, this is probably the most accurate in depicting Sayaka's character. I honestly don't know why, but a lot of the writers in this fandom seem to portray her at her two extremes, the naive and delicate girl or the brash and self-righteous mahou shoujo. These are two sides of the same coin, yet somehow, only a very few authors have managed to weave and present both those sides seamlessly.

Without going overboard.

That said, I would to commend you for that part of the story alone. I believe Sayaka, in her simple-mindedness and idealism, can be one of the most difficult characters to write in a fanfic simply because she is so normal compared to the others. Her mind is fickle and her adherence to her belief is weak (or strong depending on how you look at it) due to her tendencies of seeing things in black and white. Perhaps this is due to her sudden change of heart in the series and the fact that she the normal girl who got battered by fate and was not strong enough to combat it or adapt to it, like Kyouko and Homura. Because of that attribute to her character, she is often misrepresented and misinterpreted, and it doesn't help that fans have mixed opinions of her.

The dumb girl who gave her life away for a boy who doesn't see her and paid the ultimate price, or the heroic one who only wanted to do what is right for the world even at the cost her own humanity. Which one is it?

So far, it seems like you think it is both, which is a good thing.

Of course, this story has yet to discuss the issue of how Sayaka became a Mahou Shoujo, but if this follows what happens in canon then she probably made the same wish. The point is, your Sayaka seems stable so far, as one would expect in this timeline where witches don't exist. Your Sayaka seems more three-dimensional. She still has a healthy dose of confidence yet also feels insecure being a newbie, especially when taunted by Kyouko. She still has that playfulness akin to what we saw in the first two episodes with Madoka, a part of Sayaka I truly miss in these fanfics since most stories that involves her always centers around Sayaka turning into a witch. And, finally, she still has that sense of responsibility for everything that she does, unlike Kyouko who has the devil-may-care personality.

Truly, I cannot even stress how glad I am to see Sayaka being done justice in this fic. Thank you!

Moving right along, I have to say that I did wince at some of Kyouko's antics, although it's not so far-fetched especially when you totally ignore the drama cds. Her relationship with Mami is one of the things that made me uneasy, but since you decided not to include the plot points from the drama cds, this is easily ignored. I, myself, am not that familiar with the drama cds and only know that Mami and Kyouko worked together back then. And since you said that Kyouko and Mami have not known each other before, then I suppose you are also not going to include the Oriko Magica stuff as well?

For the record, it was alluded in the anime that they have met before. I believe it is during Kyouko's conversation with Kyuubey in episode 4, although at this point I am not quite certain where it is. It has been a while since I watched the anime.

Anyway, I know that this is a KyouSaya story, but I would also like to see how Mami and Homura are integrated in the plot. After all, they are the ones investigating demon behavior and such. I would hate to think that their little project is simply a background issue that will never be explored later on. Moreover, Sayaka's relationship with Mami is quite profound in the anime, so it will be nice to see how you handle their friendship and mentor-student relationship in this story as well. I understand that delving deeper in Homura's role in this story might make it too complex, but again, she is still part of their little group, and since one of the recurring issues is the fact that Kyouko refuses to work alongside Mami and Homura, I find Homura's opinion about the set-up intriguing.

Context stuff out of the way, I find your writing pleasant to read. It's smooth and the diction allows for word variety and minimal redundancy. I only found one or two typos, so you do a good job at reviewing and editing your works as well. Your imagery is fantastic, as well as the little mannerisms you put into the characters. Those are the things that make a fanfic come to life and be engaging to readers.

Hopefully this story will not be dropped in favor of the other one you are currently working on. I look forward to the next chapter.

ghikiJ