|Reviews for Right of Way|
| Rinne 7/11/12 . chapter 7
And because of the site's changes, I didn't realise that I wasn't logged in when I just posted a review. The long guest review is mine.
| Guest 7/11/12 . chapter 7
Hi there. There was a lot to like about this story, you're a good story teller and this did very much feel like it fitted in with the show. Very well done. It flowed beautifully.
If I could give a few pointers on things that were throwing me as a reader (and please don't take these the wrong way, I enjoyed your story immensely):
When you have speech, put the things associated with someone else about to speak with that person's speech. i.e. where you had:
"Yeah, and I'm Michael, not Detective Britten. Got it?" Alex looked at the man and smiled.
you should put the bit about what Alex was doing/thinking/feeling with what Alex says, like below:
"Yeah, and I'm Michael, not Detective Britten. Got it?"
Alex looked at the man and smiled. "Michael, right."
It was something that got me reasonably confused at some points, as a reader, as to who is saying/thinking/feeling what.
Also, and this was mostly earlier in the story, referring to Michael as "the man" got to be very distracting, particularly when Hannah was thinking about him in a romantic manner. There is nothing wrong with referring to him as Michael, or a husband, or father, or Detective, because they are very specific. The other isn't, and does get distracting.
One last thing, which is something I believe personally. To me, it frustrates me when I see an author hold stories for ransom. "I'm not going to post any more chapters unless I get X number of reviews..." "I'm not going to post another story unless I get X number of reviews..." Why should I invest in your stories if, because you don't get enough feedback as far as you're concerned, you might just stop posting? Particularly when the fandom is so tiny, as it is in this case. I've posted in much larger fandoms and not gotten any reviews for 6 months to a year. It happens. Be grateful that some people *are* liking your stories.
Anyway, I'm going to continue on to your other story, because you are a good story teller, with a great grasp of characterisation, and I'm interested to see what you've written.
| color my world bright 6/4/12 . chapter 7
This review should hit your desired target of ten total reviews - so I do hope to see "Aftermath" soon! ;)
Whoa, Britten. Talking about bending the rules...but I'm not going to complain - it worked, after all.
Wow, another twist. You just keep them coming, don't you?
Britten is thinking of Alex as Rex even more now, I'm a bit scared to see how that will affect the end of the story, if it will at all. I'm reviewing as I read, so don't judge me if I seem a little slow.
That chat room scene was...huh...just more to load into this mystery, right?
"'It is NEVER okay to kill, Alex, never.'" - I'm actually a little bit surprised Britten would say this. He seemed perfectly ready to kill Ed...
Wow...Espinosa dead in the red reality - so is that the case solved in the red reality, then?
Burgan just WALKED IN?
Ah, case closed in both realities now. Not exactly perfect endings, but they're pretty close, in my opinion. Though I have to admit the green reality ending was a bit suspicious...
Britten's session with Dr. Evans was...interesting. I'm surprised how easily Britten finally accepted that the green reality wasn't real based on how much he seems to want to hold onto them both in the show - but I will admit, that case was quite suspicious.
Rex's inner thoughts about Emma and being exhausted...oh my...
Ah, so Dr. Evans has talked Michael down from firmly believing that Rex isn't real. I love Hannah, but I think the green reality is real - or, at least, I'd like to believe that.
The Brittens invited Alex over? That's very sweet, and so IC - it reminds of how they let Emma stay at their house. Alex seems so much like Rex...
The ending was just perfect - I like how Alex isn't exactly a replacement for Rex, since Rex is still real to Michael, but they're accepting him as family all the same.
Did I like this story? No, I loved it :D One of the best in the archive, I hope people start writing more. I cannot wait for "Aftermath"!
| color my world bright 6/4/12 . chapter 6
Alright, I've been packing for my summer trip which is why I've been pretty AWOL lately - but I'm finally done packing, so I'll be able to review this chapter and the next all at once!
"'You stump me. You're like a Rubik's cube; I could never figure those damn things out either.'" - Ahaha, such a Britten-esque statement - and then there's also the truth behind that.
Ah, you're continuing to switch between both realities. It's getting even more and more like the show, yay!
These cases are getting even more interesting now that they're involving the same people, not just similar situations. Good job on that, it leaves room for great speculation (;
...Jesus, Dr. Lee is confusing me. But I get the gist of it. Briteen solves the case and Rex disappears.
"Rex had only ever liked grape-flavoured Kool-Aid, a fact Michael had been made keenly aware of during the boy's elementary years when he threw a tantrum after the man had bought CHERRY Kool-Aid from the store." - Oh my word, that sounds hilarious. I think I just might have to write a one-shot about this...do you mind if I do? Hmm, I'll PM you about it later.
Rex's conversation with Michael about Michael's lack of cooking abilities - so in character and so, so funny.
"'Like what? I mean aside from Kool-Aid, Emma and fajitas, isn't your mind just empty?'" - LAUGHING, DYING, LAUGHING. YOU ARE A GENIUS. This teasing is so in character and yet it's so playful and it has so much fluff.
I adore AWAKE!fluff.
Oh the twist at the end! Nice ending. Normally I might have PMed you over this, begging to know more, but since I'm reviewing this late I can just go onto the next chapter :D
Wonderful chapter, can't wait to read the conclusion!
| color my world bright 5/31/12 . chapter 5
I've missed this story, and I have to apologize profusely for the delay in reviewing. I've been very busy lately, but I'm here now and I'll read and review this story if it's the last thing I do.
...Oh, the finale. I'll miss AWAKE, so much.
I'll admit, I was a bit confused at Dr. Lee's sudden change in perspective but maybe he's just lightening up?
"But Lee continued in the same small-talk manner like a fair-weather friend or work colleague might, something he was neither of to Michael." - Harsh, Britten. But I can see where he's coming from, Dr. Lee doesn't seem like much of a buddy Michael would usually have - and based on what we saw in the finale, I'd say that I'm not surprised by this statement.
Since this is more of an investigation-driven chapter and not a character-driven one like the previous ones, I don't really much I can comment on - sorry about that. However, this crime seems really interesting and unique - good job on coming up with the idea.
"But that was Michael Britten's style, through and through. He would never change. He didn't change when she married him and he didn't change when Rex was born. Most astonishingly of all though, Michael did not change even when their son died." - Huh, I never looked at it that way, good way of thinking about it.
That paragraph about Rex and Hannah - I won't copy it all into here but it was so sad...it makes me wonder what really happened in the finale of AWAKE. It definitely wasn't just "he woke up and it was all two nightmares!". No, it was a third reality so I'm still confused as Kyle Killen has said one reality is definitely real.
The ending with Hannah and Michael was perfect.
Thank you for the shoutout, sorry that this review wasn't as long but like I said, it was mainly procedural things.
| Dcharger 5/29/12 . chapter 5
Okay, I just want to say that this is a really great story. It feels almost as if I was watching an actual episode.
One thing I want to say about this chapter is that while "Estas Colombiano?" does translate into " Are you Colombian?" the word "Estas" would be used more in the sense of something like, "Estas bien?" meaning "are you alright?"
The correct word would be "Eres" which also means "are you?" but is used more like"Eres de California?" meaning, "are you from California?"
The response, "No, Estoy Puertoriqueño" uses the same word, just as a different form, as the original question, used in the same spence as "estoy borracho" meaning "I'm drunk" So the correct way of saying that would be, "No, soy Puertoriqueño."
"soy" being used in the same sense as "I'm from Wisconsin" which in Spanish would be "Soy de Wisconsin."
Hope that helps, Just goes to show you can't always trust google translate..."
| color my world bright 5/20/12 . chapter 4
*le sigh of relief* I'm finally caught up with this amazing story.
Rex's strained thinking about the last time he spent quality time with Michael was very sweet and slightly sad, but that's what I love about their relationship - it's unique.
"Rex felt less important than his father's job, even when he was a little kid." - A perfect way to capture Rex's view on his father. It was shown a lot throughout the pilot of the show when Michael had to leave the restaurant and Tara had to drive Rex home. Being a part of law enforcement does take its toll, as anyone would expect.
"Michael Britten always slept on his front, with his face mashed into the pillow" - that made me laugh uncontrollably for a minute or so, I'm not quite sure why.
The fact that Rex knows more about Michael's sleeping habits than he does about his personal preferences makes me want to laugh even more, although it is a bit depressing :/
"The man had been so patient and understanding with him when he was uncommunicative and angry, giving him so much space. And the youth had just assumed his father did not care about her enough to be upset." - PERFECT. A perfect description of their previous situation, Rex's avoiding of Michael, etc.
"His dad's reaction to this suggestion was to adopt a who are you expression" - :D
Huh, I've never been to California so I've certainly never been to LA or Santa Monica but it sounds wonderful.
"They both stared before smiling at each other in wordless agreement." - Um, excuse me. Yeah. YOU TWO! THE MALE PORTION OF THE BRITTEN FAMILY! Rex, you have a girlfriend! MICHAEL YOU STILL HAVE A FREAKING WIFE! SURE, SHE'S DEAD IN THIS REALITY BUT SHE'S ALIVE IN THE OTHER!
I now conclude that my commentary will severely annoy you, so sorry about that.
The sunscreen conversation was very IC - Rex's reactions, Michael's persistence.
"'That's better. There, done. You can now go and fry yourself to a crisp.'" - AHAHAHAHA! SO IN CHARACTER, SO SARCASTIC AND SO HILARIOUS!
I am quite delirious from lack of sleep...
The swimming race bit reminded me of how they ran a race when out jogging and Rex lost...again.
"'She totally blew me away. And the next day I honoured my side of the bet and got myself ejected from the stands and on page seven of the local gazette. My superiors didn't see the funny side of it.'" - How romantic ;)
AH, the banter at the end about what TV show to watch - so sweet! :D "Kitchen Nightmares"? I've never heard of it, but even if it's made up it sounds like something extremely entertaining to watch.
After I review you won't have four, you'll have six or seven, because I'm just that dedicated to your story ;)
I'm sorry if this review was too long, it's certainly longer than my other ones, but when I get really into a story I like to quote things in my review and then comment on them. Some of my commentary is a bit annoying, I just love this story so much.
Update soon :)
| color my world bright 5/20/12 . chapter 3
GREEN REALITY, AWW YEAH!
Like I said in my previous review I have to say I prefer the green reality to the red one despite the fact that I love Detective Vega and Hannah.
It seems to me that Rex has softened up to his father a little quicker than what I would have expected from his character on the show but hey, he's a teenager. His emotions probably change quickly - I should know.
Ahaha, Bird and Britten's exchange. Yes, Michael, there is no crime today in LA...don't act so surprised...
...then again it's LA we're talking about...
Dr. Evans - in character. You're doing a great job at writing the characters' dialogue and reactions like they would be on the show.
Wow, Michael's methods for getting Rex to go to bed...so much father/son fluff that I can't even breathe. The Michael/Rex relationship is amazing.
And plus, more REMMA :)
| color my world bright 5/20/12 . chapter 2
I'm extremely sorry for being absent from reviewing this story but I have some free time today so I'm catching up :D
Hannah and Michael's relationship seems very real in this story, and I love that. I'll admit that while I do like the idea of Rex living more, I love Hannah and they're very IC.
Haha, Dr. Lee. The "fear" he can induce isn't even because of his physical appearance, it's the threats he can deliver. Wonderful. I love BD Wong (the actor), though, so even when he's sharp in the show I still adore his character and his determination to help Michael through this.
DETECTIVE VEGA EQUALS AWESOMENESS. I probably sound like a child when I say that but I love Detective Vega, he's a great character and the actor is amazing. He's IC as well.
Hannah finally cleaned out Rex's room...I'm surprised she sold some of the items in his room but keeping his drawings and such was really sweet :D
Onto the next chapter!
| xMissyMaex 5/15/12 . chapter 3
I looove this! I love how in character everyone is and how detailed it is. Very well written, please update soon!
| icanhearthedrums 5/14/12 . chapter 2
so sad to hear that Awake has been cancelled...but so glad to see that there is one other person out there who considers the relationship between michael and his son to be worthy of writing about...would love to read the next chapter!
| color my world bright 5/13/12 . chapter 1
Jesus, I love this.
Seriously, there's not a single character on "AWAKE" I don't like but honestly, I love Rex and Michael's father-son relationship, because it's so strained and fragile but it's still there.
Plus, you added a bit of Rex/Emma, which I adore - what is their pairing name, anyway? Remma? :D
I'm disappointed that NBC has cancelled "AWAKE" but I will continue to read fics about it as long as people write them. This chapter was very IC, in my opinion - especially Dr. Evans - and I cannot wait to read more.