|Reviews for Into the Shallows|
| Fanatic-Fanatica 1/8/13 . chapter 1
Cabrillo lost only one leg
| truthsetfree 7/13/12 . chapter 1
Nice set-up chapter. Hope to see some action soon. Characterization was great. Awesome job on the ship’s tech. Excellent ending.
The short one strained his eyes, "ORE-GUN, Oregun mispronouncing it as "gun" and not the correct "gon."
Would be better as: The short one strained his eyes, "ORE-GUN,” he read out loud, mispronouncing it.
“He could walk or even run for miles but idle standing on the bridge brought pain to what was left of his legs.
He lost both legs in a mission and was successfully fitted with prosthetic legs.”
If it were mine, I’d change it to “He could walk, or even run for miles, but idle standing on the bridge brought pain to what was left of his legs. He lost both legs in a mission and was successfully fitted with prosthetic ones.”
“When he could Juan Cabrillo would play a rousing game of tennis for disabled Iraq and Afghan veterans.”
There should be a comma in that sentence, right after “could.”
“How could this very hot, commando GI Jane that spoke 5 languages fluently, was well versed in every form of hand-to-hand combat and could fire most every weapon imaginable be interested in him.”
That should end in a question mark, not a period.
“At that moment he was handing out life giving fresh hot coffee to the assembled ship's officers.”
I love that, but something about the lack of punctuation makes it a challenge to read. I don’t know how to fix it though.
“Having the missiles delivered right to an Iranian port such as
Chabahas was out of the question. Too many prying eyes.”
Check that sentence. I think the site did something to your spacing.
“We were to keep our distance and listen for radio chatter.”
That “we” should probably be a “they,” since everything else in this chapter has been a “they.”
“Mark's hardly knew his other roommate Greg Johnson since they were on opposing watches. He was a handsome young man with a sever problem of balancing his large harem of girlfriends.”
Should be: “Mark hardly knew his other roommate Greg Johnson since they were on opposing watches. He was a handsome young man with a severe problem of balancing his large harem of girlfriends.”