O.O *freaking out*
Gohan! No! you can't die!

(this was very good, you don't see many dbz stories mixed with vocaloid)

It looked interesting but you lost me when it came to the large chunks of text. I'm not sure if FF did that to you or if you aren't aware of proper formatting just yet. Basically, a good rule of thumb to follow is to create a new paragraph each time the speaker changes. For example:

"Hello, my name is Bulma" she looked about 9 years old, her green hair was in two ponytails and she was wearing a teal coloured kimono with a pink ribbon wrapped around her waist.

Two other girls walked next to her "Hi! I'm Pan!" the 6 year old girl said. Her hair was black and also into two pony-tails. She was wearing a light red kimono.

Something like that... actually looking at that, you might want to improve your grammar as well. Basically end each senence with a period, question mark, or something. It makes it a lot easier for the readers. Anyways, I hope my advice is helpful. Best of luck writing!

-D101

O.o weird...operation failed. Freaky! I seriously don't know what to say...I can't even tell you if I liked it.