|Reviews for To Be Loved|
| Minxheart 3/3/13 . chapter 4
awh how cute love the Jed/Kate couple!
| callie rawston 7/10/12 . chapter 4
So I only just realised I had not reviewed the end of this.
I found it interesting to get Ryan’s perspective on events, as he is almost an outsider but not quite and his description of Kate being so independent yet totally dependent on Warren’s approval was just so spot on. When he spied Kate and Jed curled up together and reflected back on his conversation with Molly a long time before I almost found myself being annoyed at Molly for having interrupted them way back then (yes not the most rational of thoughts!). It was fascinating to get Ryan’s understanding of Kate’s sleep deprivation and his wondering why her father could not see this and I appreciated that he rationalised Kate and Jed comforting each other to find it a positive. When he witnessed them wake up and crept away from the intensity I found myself wanting to creep away with him and leave them to it, but it was just what Ryan would have done.
Kate’s viewpoint was equally intriguing but also threw up some ideas that although were not unexpected made me feel the need to re-read this update far too many times! Her initial uncertainty in a way that was so believable despite Kate’s public confidence in the show brought a lot to that opening section, especially her reflection that whilst it went against what she wanted she had accepted that her and Jed could never work.
I struggled with the concept of Kate provoking the situation he found herself in, not because it isn’t believable or beautifully written but mainly because I hated the idea of the level of desperation you had made her demonstrate to show how she got to that place. The sickening description of her losing the baby alone, even though you did not go into detail, was so vivid that you know it distressed me intently. That, coupled with the referenced history of her bleak lonely childhood and her apparently unhealthy fixation on Jed, broke me completely but strangely I found myself pleased that she knew her dad disapproved of their connection but she was prepared to go there anyway. That last intense scene as she cried and took comfort in his arms was so perfect, but I don’t know whether my tears were for that reason or because of her acknowledgement that it could never be.
A beautiful ending, I loved this fic.
| CSI Encyclopedia 6/14/12 . chapter 3
I absolutely love this story. We need more bedlam fics. :) Can't wait for the next chapter. I was actually in tears at the end of this. Poor Kate.
| callie rawston 6/12/12 . chapter 3
After making me so very sad with the last update, I started this one just thinking that poor lonely messed up Kate could really do with a hug!
You confused me with the opening to this, but in a positive way, as from the first paragraph I was certain Kate was willingly engaging in another meaningless fumble and then you threw me by showing that she was actually with Jed. The idea of taking away the last nine years was an intense one, as was Kate’s realisation as she was pinned to the fridge that she would have been happier if those years had never occurred. I liked her explanation of her relationship with Sean, her justification for what had occurred and how she had seen far more to it than he, as a married man, ever would have done. Your description of her belief as to why she really was no better than what she had become and the guilt at not living up to Jed’s expectations was so beautiful as well, it just made her make sense on every level and gave an insight into the crazy way she had been acting for the last nine years.
I knew pregnancy revelation was coming but perhaps not in that particular moment and like Kate I wondered quite why she had chosen to say it at precisely that moment, although perhaps she realised she could not go there this time without being honest with the man she loved. The sadness in that she had gone through it all alone because of how Jed and her father would have reacted and her then failed attempt to retract her words were so hard to read because you transported me to the scene and again I just wanted to give her a hug. I was grateful for Jed trying to offer her some attempt at support but then she did exactly what Kate would do and shut him out once more, which broke my heart so very much.
I did appreciate the vague amusement of the two of them now communicating through a closed door with Jed struggling to understand the muffled Kate and realising that she had once again attempted to seek comfort by hiding herself away in something. It made sense to me that his first reaction was to attempt to work out why she couldn’t have told him, comforting in fact to find out that he was certain he would not have judged her (even though at this point he did not know the entire truth) but his confusion as to why he was now on the wrong side of the door when she had made the confession in the first place gave that section such a strong focus. They had never really needed many words to have a conversation these two, something you used a lot here as there short responses went back and forth, but you showed well how Jed’s thought processes began to work through the little he was being told.
Angry Jed was an interesting, if not surprising, development as it is definitely his character to get annoyed with her when she fails to act in any way rationally but at least on this occasion it worked out for him and she opened the door. I knew he would not be able to find the words easily to explain what he was thinking but his offer that he would have been there to support her was so lovely, even if misplaced. I found myself gutted on is behalf even before she gave away enough information for him to finally understand that it was his child that had been lost so many years before but then equally distressed for her when she offered up the knowledge that she had hoped her baby had been like him, not her or her family line, because that is heartbreaking for her to acknowledge.
By the end I was in pieces over them both, but then you knew I would be! I just wanted him to be able to find the words she needed to hear and he was already thinking.
| callie rawston 6/12/12 . chapter 2
I love that you dedicated this as a get well soon fic, especially as not only did I not get well soon but you managed to cheer me up with the endless discussions over this fic and others anyway, regardless of you not being sure how long you could write feel better fics!
I love perceptive Molly and her ability to read her friend’s behaviour, even if she couldn’t fully appreciate all that was behind it. Her acknowledgement of Kate’s dislike towards Sadie and the recognition that both women shared similarities she was sure neither would admit. However the line I loved most was where Molly was uncertain whether her close friend’s issue was with Jed specifically or that there was someone in the room who’s attention did not lie with her. How very in character of Kate to have stomped off to her room in a mood and want to shut out the world, but still make enough noise to gain the attention of those remaining in the flat – conflicted does not even begin to cover it.
I don’t know what was sadder – that Molly knew Kate was crying behind that door or that she knew Kate would never ask for comfort, nor would it be particularly welcome if offered in that moment. Whilst not knowing the while story you showed that Molly knows her friend well enough to cope with her behaviour, even if she cannot fully comprehend it. Her questioning of Kate’s motives for her behaviour towards Jed was well-placed, if mis-informed, because from anyone else’s perspective Kate could definitely be described as possessive towards him. Molly’s understanding of the similarities between Kate and Jed were also very honest, in that they do react the same way to things even if they then behave differently as a consequence and it was useful that she could see this in a way no one else would be able to. I found myself agreeing with Molly that perhaps she was better off not knowing the full score as to what had gone on back then, nor the intensity of their relationship now, but of everyone she is perhaps the only one other than them themselves who would be able to see how much they were hurting each other. I also quite liked the inference that Warren’s attitude towards Jed may in part be responsible for Kate’s connection to her cousin, as Warren would hate that so very much!
And then again with poor conflicted Kate, because as much as she wanted Jed to have chosen to return to her rather than stay with Sadie she was also grateful he hadn’t witnessed seeing her cry. It was in character for her to know she had been playing games with Sadie and that she had dragged everyone else into it, but it was her acceptance of her jealousy that surprised me because I was pleased that she was able to have that much insight into her own actions. Her need for Jed to be focused only on her seemed so desperate, but not in the shallow way she was worried about, more that his look made her feel loved. The sad implication of your words being that she had been very lonely in his absence, especially with her father apparently incapable of being more than just a support.
I liked her explanation of the differing bonds between herself and Jed, and him and Sadie, and reading between the lines it was if she willingly accepted that her connection with him was far stronger but her insecurity in its secrecy overwhelmed her when she watched him interact with someone other than her. It was upsetting that she knew Molly was the other side of the door and yet felt incapable of letting her in, even though her friend had seen her cry before and her realisation that Jed was only behaving as she herself would in staying with Sadie, and taking full responsibility for this even though it wasn’t hers to take. You once again used the metaphor of her hiding behind something, only this time was more concerning given that it involved scolding water and bubbles but the reasoning was the same.
Her understanding of her extreme behaviour and her need to feel physical pain to replace the emotional distress losing Jed both now and nine years ago was distressing to read and was only worsened by the fact that she was suffering, as always, alone.
| callie rawston 6/12/12 . chapter 1
So I’m still reviewing and determined to get caught up! You already know I love this from all the conversations we have had about it, but that doesn’t mean I won’t give its review my full attention!
So let’s start with Kate! Her need to storm into her room to avoid showing the world her tears is so very in character and whilst she was very angry (at her dad, Jed, herself), the whole thing was also very sad, especially as she admitted that she only tried it on with Ryan because she was jealous. It was interesting to get more of her perspective on not only why she did what she did with Ryan, and her subsequent guilt, but also on how she perceived Jed may feel about the situation he arrived into. I don’t know whether from her perspective using Ryan was worse than all the meaningless encounters but you conveyed how much damage she is doing to herself regardless so well.
It fitted well that Kate seemed to use the duvet as something to hide herself under and hide behind, bringing her a semblance of comfort but also acting as a shield. Yet whilst you described how her need to stay shut away from the world to put what she did out of her head was all-encompassing, you justified so well why this changed the moment Jed referenced their past and he threatened to let Molly and Ryan in on more than they had individually known about her past.
And then onto Jed, who’s first thought was to notice bleary eyed Kate and understand that she was in a bit of a mess and yet still feel a little mad at her for her behaviour, which makes sense given what he literally just walked in on. His concern over her behaviour, his hurting over her dismissal and his belief she forgot quite how close they had been were very touching to read from his eyes. I liked the way you took us back the nine years to their previous connection through how his mother had informed him Kate was coping, or not, with his departure and then linked this to the present as she acted so similarly to how she had with him back then.
For someone who doesn’t talk much Jed was never going to find it easy to engage Kate in conversation and you portrayed that well, with him thinking far more than he was speaking but with him still trying to get her to open up even as she continued to hide herself away. His perception of her self-conscious behaviour was sad, as it was perhaps the first time he realised she didn’t know any better than he why she had acted how she had but you showed how he could see that this was more about their past than her current actions, especially when Jed reflected on another encounter of theirs several years before when it had obviously been apparent to him that Kate had shut herself off emotionally from the world around her and he hadn’t been able to do anything to rescue her from herself. I doubt his apology was required, nor really his responsibility, but it was still right of him to say it anyway. I don’t know how to feel about Molly knowing a little of what had occurred, especially as her and Kate had obviously never really discussed it.
However just when I was reflecting on all of that, Kate tried to kiss him and Jed pushed her away. Now whilst I commend his motives, especially as he was intending on leaving, it was still so sad to read as Kate seemed to want nothing more than to be close to him once more. A heartbreaking little note to end on, but left me wanting to read what else you would bring to this in the next update.
| RacingRosso 6/12/12 . chapter 1
I actually feel terrible that I didn't even notice this was up! Shows how badly I've been doing at keeping up with reading and reviewing really. Thanks for the little dedication at the start :)
But I really like it. It's beautifully written and I can imagine Kate exactly how you describe her despite it being a while since I saw Bedlam.
I do feel awfully sorry for Kate but I like the way you write her. I think you've managed to get her vulnerability spot on. Because, let's face it, as much as she is quite a messed up character, there are definitely hints of vulnerability and I think you've captured that perfectly. Although we probably shouldn't feel for her, given her behaviour, I can't help but feel that her behaviour could be explained, you know? So yeah, I do feel for her.
Jed, I do like Jed. I just quite like everything about him. He's really rather sweet, isn't he?
I love the whole chapter but I think one of my favourite lines is this one: 'Ignoring him she pulled the quilt tighter around herself, she snuggled back down into the comfort of the bed clothes and silently found herself hoping that he'd give up and she'd be left alone for the remainder of the night.'
I can't help but feel that the simple act of her pulling the quilt around herself is almost a physical way of protecting herself from everything around her. That action is quite childish, children tend to hide under the covers if they're scared of something whether it be the monster under the bed or whatever, don't they? Admittedly, I could be reading far too much into it but I do think that she's trying to protect herself from further damage there.
This chapter was amazing, I really liked it. And I do apologise that it's taken me so long to read/review. Going to read the next part now, quite excited :P
| ficmouse 6/10/12 . chapter 3
You had to go and make me cry in the last part didn't you. Poor Kate she just unravelled and suddenly it was all to clear. I admit I'd guessed where it was probably going but I didn't expect it to pack quite such a punch.
You portrayed Kate's torment so well, and it was made even worse when Jed just couldn't understand what she was trying to tell him. He is such a sweetie though. He didn't judge even when he made all the wrong assumptions he still said the right things.
I think that kind of summed up their connection, they aren't always on the same page hell sometimes not even reading the same book but he still understood and still offered the comfort and support she needed without blaming her.
I'm sorry I don't seem to have anymore words.
| ficmouse 6/10/12 . chapter 2
Ouch. I love that Molly knows the very worst of Kate but is still there for her understands Kate and has an idea of what motivates her. I loved that you showed her continuing to be Kate's friend even though she is undervalued and unappreciated. You showed Mollies silent unjudgemental sympathy so very well. The fact that she realised there were no words and just washed up said it all really.
Somehow your portrayal of Molly also showed how alone Kate is. Mollie was there all along, willing to listen or comfort if Kate would only reach out but she wouldn't or couldn't.
As for Kate. The scene in the bath with the hot water made me wince. I was thinking more about self flagellation than self harm or punishment. It was a very effective technique and felt more realistic than I could quite deal with - awfully squemish me!
Molly's view was really quite unsympathetic and then we have Kate who is so unhappy, so alone and needs so desperately to be loved. I ought to blame her for being jealous but found I couldn't.
Not sure how secret her pain is though. They all know she's hurting the only thing they haven't figured out is why.
| ficmouse 6/7/12 . chapter 1
Better late than never...
I like the insight you've bought to this particular scene. You've managed to make me sympathise with Kate even though her behaviour is pretty dan appalling almost cruel here. However you've written her point of view in such a way that makes her behaviour understandable. She's so very confused and hurting so ably you can't help but feel for her. You've shown her as a person who is more sad than bad.
Jed's gentle compassion sheds more light on Kate's torment and I do like the fact although he is the one who is supposed to be mad he has moe emotional intelligence and understands her motivation. It is clear that he still cares. I was so pleased that he cared enough not to take advantage and he could have done.
| Aria-Mae 5/23/12 . chapter 1
LOVED IT! Awww Jed, Kate needs you :'( Please update!