|Reviews for Lost Destination|
| weeeeeeeee 6/9/13 . chapter 41
Did I ever tell you how much I missed this story? ;_; Went off to another fandom, then another one, then finally decided to come back and check out the vocaloid section just to read this fic. I missed this man! Epic adventure stories are hard to find after all...
So... you're looking for a beta reader? Well good luck with finding one! I'd love to help but I don't even have an account or anything... maybe we could try like, email exchanges or something? ' Good luck though, I hope you find one soon!
Also not that I want to be cruel or anything (I mean don't get me wrong Rin was awesome), but I don't mind having her killed off. I think it makes the story more interesting because we'll get to see Len adjust too (assuming you haven't killed off too). One chosen light person is enough I guess.
Also, I just wanted to say your writing has improved since I first started reading this. You don't mix up your past/present/future stuff as much (English is so c complicated that even I've done that). Your vocabulary has grown too, you can spell a lot of words correctly. I'm proud of you for being able to write a whole novel story in English! Please keep it up (and update soon)!
| Wonders of Chocolates 5/6/13 . chapter 41
Longest... review... reply... ever. AWESOME! (I often make LOOOOONG reviews... orz)
You can call me 'Aira' or 'Choco' or whatever. Just pick out anything that you think sounds good :D
Yup! Exams were around the corner when you updated so I have no time to review. orz Still, your story relieved some of my stress so no worries! *pats your back* My exam results are... average... (moping at my current position in class) (goodbye, No. 1 position /waves goodbye /sad)
I'll be meeting you in court if 'dead Rin and dead Len' ever happened. /shot jkjk But srsly, the 'Tragedy Twins' has its death count for OVER 9000 /shot
Heh, Justin Bieber. pfft wwww Oh btw, my friend (who I mentioned sometime ago that liked Kaito) found Eggplant. And now she fell in love with him. Before she even MET Kaito, she's a Len-natic. And I think when she meets VY2 Yuuma, she'll fall in love with him too... (She likes mature-looking guys, apparently)
Usually, their 'dere dere' side will occur when their loved ones come near them. So yes, Eggplant will help. Sacrifice the Eggplant!
Update! Update! Update! Upda- shot
Update before I shoot myself with an imaginary shotgun again! That is ORDAR no I fail at commanding people... Just update. The readers (especially Kagamine fans) need YOU.
| Wonders of Chocolates 4/27/13 . chapter 40
NOOOOO KAIKIIII WHY'D YOU DO THAT TO RINNYYYYY?! Len would be so DEVASTATED for another loss next to his parents! *great april fool's joke btw* *I fell for that so easily and I almost had a breakdown orz*
And I'm SOOOOO sorry I didn't review the last chap! Dx I got lazy and stuff... *this is aira2889. I just created this account :D*
Huh, so the characters DO have love interests! oo I'm quite surprised because... I thought they're immune to feelings such as love... (Well, it's because the guys are hot; who wouldn't fall for them?) (I feel stupid for even thinking that they're 'immune'!)
So far, you've nailed Mayu's character/personality as a yandere! Just remember that she STILL has her gentle, 'dere dere' side (but it doesn't have to be TOO obvious, of course. Yanderes are the type of characters that build up suspense!)
Nonetheless, great chap as always! Update! X3
| Aquamirandallen1 4/2/13 . chapter 40
nice happy april's fool joke . This is a good chapter, now i am starting to like this Mayu Usano.
| Lynn 'Ne'-chan 4/1/13 . chapter 40
yeah... i'm gonna kill you if you kill Rin... *dark aura*
now now... what kind of weapon i will use to kill ya? *dark smirk*
gun? sword? swords? tnt?
| aira2889 2/13/13 . chapter 38
*Welcome back! :D* *and I'll try correcting some mistakes* *though, I could be wrong in some parts because I'm not a genius or anything /shrugs* *hope it'll help you! :D* *corrections are in brackets*
1) Under the red moonlight, where the moon *is (was) at its fullest shape, there was a young light blond girl not older than fifteen nailing a *blond hair (blonde /or/ blonde-haired) (with letter 'e' at the back: chicks; without letter 'e': dudes) etc etc
2) On the ground beside her feet *there was another doll, with a light long purple hair and the head of the doll was torn off from the body. (insert a comma before the word 'there' /or/ backspace the word 'there' and it becomes - On the ground beside her feet *was another doll) (backspace the comma after the first 'doll' and backspace 'a' before 'light long purple hair' - ...*no comma* with light long purple hair etc etc.)
3) It *hit onto the ground soundlessly, *with its head roll off from the body upon the impact. (hits) (no comma) (...its head *rolling...)
4) Decided today lesson was a junk and useless for learning, Mayu decided to skip and blah. xD (I think it'd be more plausible for it to be - Thinking that today's lesson was a piece of junk and useless for learning, Mayu decided to skip and etc etc.)
5) She had felt uneasy *all along when she somehow knew that her new considered friend, that shota Len, had lost the bet with his sister and had to wear a dress for the whole day. (I think 'all along' wasn't necessary :S)
6) *More over when she saw his dress in tryout at *weapons shop, she was envious that he, a guy, looked extremely *pretty, and *might be even more prettier than she is. (Moreover -comma-) (the weapon shop) (pretty -no comma-) (I'm not sure of this but I think it should be - and he might even looked prettier than she was.)
7) And to add more for her dismay, since shota Len *looks so much like his sister, it made his sister looked even more *like an angel, pretty, beautiful and delicate. (looked) (like an angel; pretty, beautiful and delicate.) (I agree, Mayu. Rin does look like an angel. :) You only noticed it by THEN? /shot)
11) 'That smile belongs to me, you bitch!' *She grabbed tightly at the wall she was hiding at, *crunching her teeth. (Mind your language, Mayu. /scolds her) (Never put the first letter of the word after the dialogue/monologue ended on capital/caps lock - EXCEPT for names. Thank you. /bows) (I think it should be - she grabbed the wall she was hiding behind tightly, clenching her teeth together.) (crunching sounds... weird... xD)
13) Mayu was getting more upset as her beloved Gakupo-sama offer that ribbon bitch, which Mayu decided to called her, his clean, nice handerchief to wipe off the stains. "I want that hanky…." She cried to herself, and only noticed in late that the girl was gone and replaced with someone familiar. (Ah... um... - Mayu had gotten more upset as her beloved Gakupo-sama offered the Ribbon *Biatch, which Mayu had decided to call her, his nice clean hankerchief to wipe off the stains.
"I want that hanky..." she cried to herself, realizing a few seconds late that the girl was already gone and was replaced with someone familiar.)
15) *Ctrunching her hands on the wall edge hard till her fingers were red and the edge started to chip off due to the pressure, she was about to dash out from her hiding place and *pushed Yukari away from Gakupo. (Crunching? xD Maybe you could say umm... - Her hands gripped the edge of the wall until her fingers were red, chipping off the paint on the wall due to the pressure.) (full stop)
16) (I think you should combine the two paragraphs together.) A loud yelled, which caused Mayu to scramble back to her hiding place and peeked at the group. It seemed that the green hair boy was calling at the couple and returned with that Ribbon Bitch and another new girl. "No…. more new rivals?"
(oo;; Uh... I'M GETTIN' LAZY! NUUUU-) (-from the previous paragraph and combined with the next- She was about to dash out from her hiding place and push Yukari away from Gakupo *until she heard a loud yell, causing her to scramble back behind the wall. She peeked at the group once more and it seemed that the green haired boy was calling out at the couple and returned with Ribbon *Biatch and another girl.) (push the 'Enter' button) ("No... More rivals?" she mumbled, devastated at the scene.)
*sighs* I guess this is the end... *sighs again* The disease called 'laziness' finally caught up to me... ;n; I guess you'll be having a headache after you read this. Oh, but I'll add a short note! Separate paragraphs with dialogues/monologues for each different person so that readers won't be confused on who's speaking at that time. And also separate paragraphs that tells details of events (or whatever you call it)
I'm sure you realize that I skipped numbers. It was because the mistakes I had deleted were just MINOR mistakes... I guess you could spot them, right? ;D
Unnn... This is not helping you... right? :S
| s.STORM 1/15/13 . chapter 37
I really liked this chapter. It felt emotional, especially for len. It felt like he got his father's final message for him and rin. Oh and now they've met with kaito again.
Kaito's demos has been great, except judgement which was horrible. His new design is also really nice, even if it's not that different from the original. I'm really looking forward foe his release.
| aira2889 1/15/13 . chapter 37
*After you said that, I immediately peeked at the review section and realized both of the last chapter reviews are the same... Coincidence much?* *and wasn't V3 Kaito already been released? Or was I wrong?* *Kaito's V3 and English VB is AWESOME!*
Wait, you're Chinese and *checks author's profile* a Singaporean, then? :D Hello there, fellow person-living-in-neighboring-country! *yes, now I actually bothered checking where you lived* Then, I shall have the chance to say "Happy Chinese New Year", even though I'm aware of this being TOO early... /hit
Finally! Ted met Rin and Len! *and he thought Len's a girl www*
And so, Kaito needs some explaining to do...
So yeah, see you in Valentines. (14th of February, get it?)
*my laziness's back again and because of that, I can't type out the grammar mistakes... darn.*
| aira2889 12/30/12 . chapter 36
(eggplant crepes, Len in skirts, Kaito stealing... ermergerd *derp face*)
I noticed mistakes and I would like to point them out, but just like you, I'm also lazy. ;D /shot
And it was the end of the year, and that means school will start... (tch.)
I felt weird that nobody realized Ryuuto was a 'spirit', but then I realized Rin and Gakupo hadn't met him since they appeared in later chapters after his. (right?)
Ia and Yukari... they're spirits? - I mean, if they're villains, that'd be awkward. Why'd Ryuuto be friends with villains? xD If Ryuuto's gonna be buds with them, they're gonna be... not evil, and maybe on the same level as him... (?) And plus, if he plans to be close with someone, he needs to have their trust in keeping his name as the element spirit. (well, whatever. /shot)
| Animebookfreaker 12/30/12 . chapter 36
Kaito is still stealing... Len is now in a skirt... and Rin somehow got hold of eggplant crepes... interesting turn in the story...
UPDATE SOON! :3
| s.STORM 12/14/12 . chapter 35
Seems like kaito is starting to make a move, it seems things are getting interesting. I'm really interested in the forbidden sword that kaito mentioned.
Well guess len's lack of formal education clearly noticeable in the battle. But i was quite surprised len managed to use the lightning spell nicely, even if the sword broke. But he still sucks at fire magic, but i guess that is due to the gold flame. I always thought len might have a trauma after almost burning himself with his own flame.
Mayu is an interesting character, i hope to see more of her.
| aira2889 12/14/12 . chapter 35
*Glad you liked my short story! :DD Writing sadistic stuffs are my specialty! ;DD* *And it was not a prediction actually, only for fun and games! :DD* Well, I kind of knew Mayu'll not kill Eggplant, *'cause Eggplant needs to be alive for comedy purposes /shot* but then you said she 'will' kill 'someone'...? Oh my... oo;;
But anyway, Len crossdressing and then landing on Mayu's chest? xD It feels like such a long time since I last saw that type of skit in MMD videos! XD *haa, the good 'ol times...*
Oh, just a note to 'ya! When you're writing dialogues, you usually don't use past tense, unless you wanted to highlight the fact that it happened before they spoke about it. It'll also help you make the characters be alerted to the situation they're in. Like, for example, the difference between using present tense- "I want to eat eggplants, so give me now!" and past tense- "Yesterday, I wanted to eat eggplants, until you gave me the ice cream..."
So yeah. Hope it'll help ya! ;D *and using eggplants is a nice touch-up for building up comedy. ;D*
Shota is also a name. Like, the name of a person. And it was commonly used for boys. Yeah. Just for some extra information.
Update more, please!
| Aquamirandallen1 12/5/12 . chapter 34
Nice chapter as always. this story should not go M-rated if it is just a small girl crush unless Mayu goes yandere or think even dirtier thoughts. I hope there will be some action in a friendly duel between Kyle/Kaito and Gaku. :)
() ().() ()
| lolli-dragon12 11/28/12 . chapter 34
hey great work! this is amazing! when is Miku coming in? Len is awesome! anyway I love this story update soon 'cause I can't wait until you post the next chappy's! keep up the AMAZING work! I will continue reading your amazing stories! XD
| s.STORM 11/27/12 . chapter 34
Holy crap man, you scared me with that opening. I thought it suddenly turned into a M rinxgakupo story, i would stop reading this story if that actually happened.
Aside from that, we have a lot of characters introduced in this chapter, and i guess that was the part you told me before about rin helping len strengthening his light magic right?
Well there's no telling what happens next with all of the new characters that we still don't know what their purpose is.