|Reviews for Mismatch|
| ella changed her penname today 1/23/13 . chapter 1
First of all, I'd like to say that I'm not familiar with this fandom at all so the things I say will not be guided by knowledge of canon. Also, I'm typing this on an iPad so I apologize in advance if there are any typos in the review.
Rubbing his red-rimmed, brown eyes,
Unnecessary comma between red-rimmed and brown.
Though the coffee she was sipping was ice-cold and strands of blonde hair drifted into her eyes, Lilly ignored Lass
I don't see how the fact that the coffee was cold and her hair was in her eyes relates to the fact that she's ignoring him... did you mean to put though?
why I got
why I've got, unless it's an dialect.
Real class act
Real classy act. Again, if it's a dialect thing ignore me. XD
I don't got a choice.
I don't have a choice.
as she bolted down the rest of her coffee
I've never heard bolted used in that sense before. 'Gulped' or 'chugged' would make more sense.
Lil took that pretty good.
Lil took that pretty well.
and only took the two pieces each Lilly's sign commanded.
This seems like a weirdly worded sentence. Lilly's sign commanded doesn't quite fit to me.
I really liked Lilly - she's very feisty and I love her attitude. By your descriptions, you made Vera very unlikable. If that's what you were going for, mission accomplished! Your writing was very descriptive - I liked how you accompanied every bit of dialogue with an action, although it became a little much at times. I wished the lines could speak for themselves a little bit more sometimes.
Even never having touched this fandom, I definitely understood what was going on and what the characters were like, so kudos for that.
I thought overall that this was a very good prologue. It was short but it set up the story well. Good work. :)
| Edhla 1/11/13 . chapter 1
It's been a while since I've seen this show, but I did kind of OD on them at one time ;)
What really struck me here is your attention to dialogue. At first, Lilly's lack of grammar kind of surprised me; ("I got" instead of "I've got", etc) and then I thought back: yeah, she really did speak like that. Well noted, and well handled. Excellent.
Same for Stillman's dialogue. It's distinct from the other characters, and very well written.
I also like the fact that you're not portraying Lilly to be an angel here. Lass isn't obliged to stay; she's really being quite harsh for objecting to someone transferring out.
Nice nod, too, to the fact that despite the fact that I think there's laws surrounding it, cops in homicide programs seem to never, ever go home. :D
The detail about her mouth hardening is excellent, and I'm sure if caffeine were suddenly outlawed, most law enforcement agencies would go into meltdown ;)
In short, excellent work, here :)
| zebraboymom 1/7/13 . chapter 9
Very vulnerable scene written very well. I could feel the emotions. Nice job. Looking forward to watching the relationship progress.
| lulubell6 1/2/13 . chapter 9
Congratulations on your new job!
I am so happy you updated. This story is amazing. I love that Lilly and Scotty are bonding. I can't wait to read more!
| Trinity005 12/31/12 . chapter 9
You might not believe but just yesterday I was thinking about this fic (and wishing you hadn't given up on it). I was very glad to receive an update notification today!
I loved this new chapter and seeing Scotty slowly open up to Lilly. She's getting involved with him without even noticing, which I'm enjoying to read.
| Rhonda Roo 12/31/12 . chapter 9
OH wow.. such emotion, can't wait for more!
| Amanda4Meloni 12/31/12 . chapter 9
Once Scotty tells Lil' all about Elisa being bi-polar and her eventual suicide, she will hopefully tell him all about her childhood attack. Whether she will tell him about her mothers alcoholism, the abusive relationships and all that Chris put her thru in later years - she may feel it's too much too soon, she definitly doesn't want to scare him off!
More soon please :-)
| persevera 11/22/12 . chapter 2
They're beginning with a combination of attraction and antagoism.
The murder that they'll be investigating sounds interesting.
[you're just like an iceberg. You don't got a shred of soul or compassion underneath all that ice.]-I didn't get that feeling about her with the comments she made. What had she said to make him thing that she had no compassion? She'd actually sounded more compassionate than Valens, worried about and innocent man having been wrongly convicted.
| persevera 11/21/12 . chapter 1
Lilly is irritating in this chapter. She'll demand that she be treated as an equal on the force but she'll still pout like a teenager when her partner transfers out for very valid reasons. It seems very selfish and petty.
I haven't seen a lot of episodes of the show but the ones I have seen, I don't remember the grammar being this bad. I can't really identify one character over another, except the chubby guy with curly hair.
I like the little break from the office where you show that it's Halloween and Lilly thought to leave candy and instructions for its distribution.
| ReadingBlueWolf 11/19/12 . chapter 1
This is an excellent start. I like the drama in the first part with Lilly and how angry she was at losing Lass. That part was handled really well. And that last line about she took that pretty well was funny. It was a great way to end the tension you brought into that beginning. I wasn't sure why you added the part about trick-or-treaters on the street. I don't know if it adds to the plot or helps move it along in any way. Regardless though, I liked that little change. It was a neat way to give time and date. I loved how you described Vera. That was a great way to explain him and personality. I also like the exchange between Stillman and Lilly. It was a great way for Lilly and readers to gain information on what's going on. The ending with how she feels about getting a rookie as a partner is a great little hook to bring people into the next chapter. Great job!
| darkin520 11/12/12 . chapter 8
Haha...I love Lilly's reaction to Kite. He's just so...there's something about him...like he thinks he's so perfect or something. Lilly doesn't think so, but doesn't want to say either for professional reasons. Ah, but the scenes with Scotty and Lilly were lovely. I love how she got Scotty to go with her. Then, when they started opening up to one another...that was beautiful. I love how you're creating their relationship. And I'm not sure if this is canon or not, but I always love how there always seems to be someone who was Catholic or an altar boy in your stories. I just love how religion comes out in your stories as I find it fascinating. I mean that as a compliment, btw. Ah, but I think I loved the last scene the most. Sad...but perfect, I think. I just loved Scotty's bluntness and Lilly's apologetic manner. I just can't wait for more of these two. Well done. (And I shall be catching up with Ricochet soon, too). :)
A couple of minor errors:
Yeah, well, you know how goes.-not sure if the missing word was intentional or not, but it seems there should be an it in this sentence.
"Drinks then." said Kite-"Drinks then," said Kite.
| RedheadedMarina 10/29/12 . chapter 1
I am unfamiliar with this series, but you start the story off with an intriguing premise and I'm interested to see where you take this. The characters of Lily and Lass come across as genuine; she in her need to keep going the way they were, and he in his need to change. No spelling or grammar issues that I could see. Looking forward to reading more!
| The Death Frisbee 10/29/12 . chapter 6
Hey there! Going back and forth between the past and present was clearly divided and no trouble. Same thing with the switches between characters; no headjumps into the wrong character's head noted.
as another ghost faded into a crisp autumn night - good line, not overwrought.
As someone who's thirty-one, the 'twenty-nine' section made me sad, but is true and does work without seeming uncharacteristic or too juvenile!
You still are able to write cops - a very serious profession - well, without making them overly jokey and unbelievable or mind-numbingly serious. The balance is good, and the progress of the fic is working well.
Your description of Lilly as a porcelain doll works well, as someone who's seen a good handful of Cold Case episodes (particularly if I like the music - the one about the slumber party using REM and the one about the cult using Elvis Costello are particular faves) but doesn't follow the show.
Good, believable characterization and solid writing. SPAG follows!
"Scotty?" Craig had called - new paragraph. Also, which of them - Scotty or Craig - is putting on the windbreaker? Not grammatically incorrect, but unclear.
at the receiving end of Scotty's fists like the day after Elisa's funeral when his - too lengthy without commas - separate into clauses or make it a few sentences.
lecture me about, just do it!
the men's room - extra apostrophe
killed him, when the badge
off his cheer stubble - I think you mean chin stubble?
pulled of the ruse - ruse is a trick. 'rouse' is 'awaken.'
the gears of justice. - extra space
two AM - spell out
for the sake of their sanity, and Lilly had quickly adopted - not adapted, b/c you mean 'taken,' not 'changed.'
than Kite; there was no - comma splice
cold sweat, and he felt dazed
paused unbuttoning his shirt, as fuzzy
had been the one he had long accepted had been lost years before she had - too many 'had's, so the sentence reads awkwardly
| Trinity005 10/22/12 . chapter 8
Nice! I love reading the parallels you make with the actual scenes of the show. I'm curious to see if Lilly is going to that date with Kite the following day!
| Amanda4Meloni 10/20/12 . chapter 8
Jeeze, I want Lil' to just hug Scotty for all she's worth.
They are just sooo right for each other...