begin ze nexta chapteur -.- lol heehee

Nice, haven't seen a girl bronze rider in a story. I've seen brown and blue, but not bronze. Can't wait to read more and find out what happens to our new favorite bronze wherling and dragon.

I honestly love it, I haven't seen a story where a girl has Impressed a bronze before, and you should keep writing.

like this story, a new look and I always like it when some "dumb" female doesn't know that she can't do something...!
looking forward to the next chapter!

I se trouble brewing with young Takira. Still ok and waiting for more

What a nice story. Well written and left where you can write more or just leave where it is. I enjoyed reading and your characters could be expanded if you do return. Thanks for sharing

Going straight for the throat storywise, eh? No long and tedious lead-in letting the reader either wish for some action or decide to leave (and maybe never return...) OK in my book...

Where are the other persons mentioned in the second paragraph?

May I suggest a proff-reader?

Apart from that it looks promising...

Jan.

Very fun and interesting story idea! I'm glad to hear several people are looking at your story, and do hope to see more soon!

Cheers, T.

Ack! That's what I get for not paying attention. I do not usually start stories until they are finished or have a good start...not too patient to wait for the next chapters and now you have caught me with your cliffie! Guess that I will have to mark it for the next chapter.

Well I do hope we are going to have more. A different start is always worth reading

First, use your spell check. Among other words, it's spelled thief, not theif. Second, your conversations need physical work. Each speaker needs their part of the conversation on a different line. This is what you wrote:

The boy was staring fearfully at the man and I rolled my eyes before I realized why, the man that had caught us was a dragonrider. As I contemplated what a dragonrider would do with thieves he spoke, "And what were you two doing, eh, a team of thieves? Is that what you are?" I then looked him in the eye and said, "No, I never met 'im before in my life." I had decided to talk like I was a bit slower so that he would think I was a petty theif, not someone that could steal everything you owned. He then said, "Really, is that the truth?" The boy then finally spoke, "Yessir, it's the truth. I swear me life on it. I was just hopin' for some marks to buy some food with, you see." The dragonrider then laughed and cut the ropes, "Well then, young lad, go on ahead," was all he said before he put some marks in the boy's hand and shoved him in the direction of the nearest food stall.

This would work better, you need to go back and study your writing skills again, the above is is not good English structure. This is:

The boy was staring fearfully at the man and I rolled my eyes before I realized why, the man that had caught us was a dragonrider. As I contemplated what a dragonrider would do with thieves he spoke, "And what were you two doing, eh, a team of thieves? Is that what you are?"

I then looked him in the eye and said, "No, I never met 'im before in my life." I had decided to talk like I was a bit slower so that he would think I was a petty theif, not someone that could steal everything you owned.

He then said, "Really, is that the truth?"

The boy then finally spoke, "Yessir, it's the truth. I swear me life on it. I was just hopin' for some marks to buy some food with, you see."

The dragonrider then laughed and cut the ropes, "Well then, young lad, go on ahead," was all he said before he put some marks in the boy's hand and shoved him in the direction of the nearest food stall.

This is much more readable. It's an interesting premise, but you seriously need to work on the structure.