|Reviews for ballad of exthana|
| roseflorintine 9/24/12 . chapter 1
Um...first of all the grammar needs work. Start a new paragraph each time there's another line of dialougue. Capitalize properly. You can get a beta if that helps. And you need more description. It's uncomfortable to just dump information on the audience, you must work it in, along with more description. And capitalize your title. Here's an example of what you could do:
I ran down the darkened tunnel, feeling the dank, stale air rush by. A child's wailing cries echoed off the cold stone walls, and I ran faster.
| lilypup 6/6/12 . chapter 1
checking my reviews i cant figure out how to do it any other way