|Reviews for The army of Jin Kisaragi|
| Cardlover95 6/21/12 . chapter 1
I actually have read this one right after it is posted but well, ...
For the cons, I think Noel is a bit too emotional for a soldier which she indeed is (even in the BB series. Plus, this is your story so this is "your" Noel)and ... doesn't she become Jin's direct secretary too easily? I mean normally, it is not easy to gain someone's trust at all. I think in the further chapter, you can let their relationship goes steadily and firmly.
Oh right, like Resoleon said, you should address the owner of the speech too. Of course, if you read his (or her, I haven't known yet) stories, you can see that the character's name are always mentioned in order to let the read know who is speaking but ... you don't have to do so if that is a self-talk or 1 on 1 talk which the speakers are nearly too obvious. But in this case, there are too many soldier at the place so you should say the speaker more frequently (almost all the time) in all necessary case and you can address them in some other way to avoid repeated pronoun. (such as: The blonde soldier instead of Noel. The Major or the Blond Soldier, Blond Man, Kisaragi Major instead of Jin.) Well, that is just one aspect.
Ok, let's talk about the pros, I did think this story is good for the content (Warhammer BlazBlue) with Jin as the Major and he does fulfill his role in the story. The other characters are well described too. I like the way you write about the epic battle. It is quite detail, realistic, good use of vocabulary, quite good grammar. Hummm, and the soldiers are funny too. :))
Aside from all the things I said above. My opinion is: I like the story and I look forward to reading the next chapters. I hope to read some more about Jin and Noel.
| DONOVAN 6/13/12 . chapter 1
Good story. Really hope to see more.
| IXResoleon Sevil Nugliar 6/10/12 . chapter 1
I got a bit confused as to who was talking from time to time and also I was wondering how Jin didn't knew Noel from military academy.
When it comes to characterization, Jin normally has a deep hatred for Noel when he hears or sees her because she looks like Saya. I sort of felt like Noel was a bit left out.
Also, I was wondering if this was a One Shot Fanfiction because didn't seem to end like one but you didn't say it was one, either. Other than that, very descrptive fight scenes you have here.
P.S Thank you for requesting a review from me.
| Blue Bragon 5/30/12 . chapter 1
My only complains here are that Jin should already know Noel from the Academy in and that when Noel fights, she goes auto as her Nox pistols control her to deal with enemies.
Aside form that that, this is awesome. I always wanted to see Jin leading men to battle, considering he was a Major, so it nice to see it happening. For some reason this reminds me of Warhammer in tone, but it just fits so well with how grim the BlazBlue is.
I hope that you continue, because this is shaping to be very interesting.