|Reviews for More Than Just Pieces|
| ckrets 10/25/12 . chapter 21
Haven't reviewed in forever because of school and such. Rolling commentary:
Gosh it's been awhile. I have to admit, Ada and Zeke don't really stand out to me anymore. There are just so many tributes. Glug. Your descriptions are good. I can almost feel my stomach churn.
"Tears are what show that we aren't just mindless pawns walking around and killing just for the sake of it or, God forbid, the joy. They show that we are human, just like everyone else." - Great quote. It's so powerful, and it speaks more than meets the eye. I feel that this speaks truth for every tribute facing their demise. Gah, this line too: "Stand tall, Ada. Don't be afraid to cry, but don't let the tears hold you back. A good soldier rises above the fear and the pain and hatred. A good soldier stands firm for what they believe, regardless of what they are met with. A good soldier never forgets why they are fighting." Ada's grandfather has such a great collection of quotes. He is such a strong, wise man, but deep down, he seems broken too. I love that he gave Ada his Medal of Honor. Now I'm intrigued with Ada again. Perhaps I do want her to win, or at least make it far into the Games. I would love it if her death was not at the hands of another, but of her own. Suicide would be interesting for her character, espcially since she is so set on living and coming back home. I'd love to see that fire die inside of her. Ada's starting to grow on me again.
Some of your paragraphs are huge. You should definitely break them down. It makes it easier to read. Hmm. The flash-drive thing is odd. And tacky. But you explained its purpose well, so I give you props on such a quirky little idea.
Wow, for someone who isn't willing to die, Ada is very pessimistic about the entire situation. But of course, it could also be taken as realistic. Who can blame her? She isn't the most popular girl, nor the strongest. She has a right to be afraid and not confident in her abilities. But if she wants to survive, she needs to stop complaining and start strategizing. Oh, Ada agrees with me then. XD "Yes, I will." - 'Nuff said about that.
Zeke's actually pretty cool. I find it ironic that he's giving his Dad a pep talk on standing up for himself, and his Dad is letting both Zeke and his wife walk all over him. Zeke, you've got such a good heart, though. He loves his mother, but he wants his father to grow a backbone too. I can tell Zeke's a fighter, in the mental sense.
Remember: new speaker, new line. Your chunky paragraphs aren't pretty, and they're hard to read. It makes it easier for readers to read smooth-flowing paragraphs, and it makes it more enjoyable. The exchange between Zeke and Rori was weird. It feels awkward reading it because it doesn't seem natural. Rori is spilling out her life story, which may seem appropriate in context of the situation, but it just doesn't feel right. I don't know. It was just odd.
Wow, didn't expect that from Rori, but it's a cool touch that isn't explored in many Hunger Games stories like this. But explaining Rori's life story in-depth isn't exactly fitting. This story is about Zeke, not Rori. Though I suppose a little background can't hurt, but will it help in the long run?
Show, don't tell. I want to read the good times Zeke has with Keith.
Overall, Zeke is cool, but not as noteworthy as Ada. Your writing is good as always, so keep it up. Improve your paragraphing! I hope this helps, and sorry for any typos.
| TheSilent Knight 10/5/12 . chapter 23
Only just noticed that this chapter was up. I loved the part that talked about forgiveness. Very poignant. Little disappointed that we didn't get to see what they thought of the other tributes, but that's okay.
The Silent Knight
| Hutsune 10/4/12 . chapter 23
*rubs eyes in disbelief* an...update? An actual update? Wow that really made my day. Sorry for the late review though. I've been away on a hike so I wasn't able to check.
I know I've said this before, but I love the religious background you've given to District 5. The part with the two Arabic women giving their beads to Allura was especially touching.
I really liked the conversation between Allura and her brother. It really makes one think about things. I feel sorry for Allura's mother. Poor woman, but I can understand Allura's feelings towards her.
The thing that caught my eye the most in Aden's part was that he thought that Allura would have to die in the same way that Allura thought that he would have to die. And I've always wondered why tributes don't try to escape...I guess now I know why. I like Aden I lot, especially because of his music. Music is a big part of my life, so I always appreciate it when I read about it or hear it. I can just imagine Aden playing his harmonica in the Games and being found and killed by Careers! Please don't do that...
I'm really sorry to hear that you're having a rough time. I hope that it's at least getting a bit better for you.
| Chi-Chiwawa 9/28/12 . chapter 23
Not bothering to log in: good chapter! I love Lucas.
| wjjwmsn5 9/22/12 . chapter 19
I see Carraldiness in Mason and Avery...
I loved this chapter! Great job.
| wjjwmsn5 8/19/12 . chapter 17
The Reapings. Over. Does not compute. Lol
I love this. It's a brilliant fanfic that I can't wait to see go to mystical, fantabulous places lol. But really, I seriously love it. I'll review Seeing Red soon.
| ckrets 8/16/12 . chapter 20
Haaa, Mason broke up with Pine. That scene was utterly hilarious. Avery is interesting...but she seems...insane. It's so weird how a girl who loves her siblings so much could turn the other cheek and /kill/ a tribute who volunteered in her place. It's just...wow. She /killed/ "that girl" and I can tell it's starting to haunt her. My hope is that that memory of killing Helen will eat Avery alive.
| ckrets 8/16/12 . chapter 19
Ahhhh I loved this chapter. I love Elina and her conversation with Katelin and how the revenge aspect of it all is slowly destroying her character. And I seriously have fallen in love with Jett. He's not your average Career tribute...too foolish, too young, too naive...and that's precisely why I love him. I can't wait to see him in the Games (I do hope Jett makes it past the bloodbath) because I want to see his interactions with the Careers. Hmm. I'll just have to wait and see!
| wjjwmsn5 8/13/12 . chapter 16
Love this chapter!
| ckrets 8/10/12 . chapter 18
I feel so bad for Gardenia. You just know she's going to die...I mean, her own friend said she couldn't even win. That's just...sad. And I could only imagine the visit goodbye for her. Imagine Maysee trying to consolodate Gardenia and failing. Maysee said she Gardenia couldn't win. How will Maysee try to her cheer Gardenia up before she goes into the games? I'm anticipating how their goodbye will go.
| LadyIfe 8/10/12 . chapter 22
"'You do not know what I see in my nightmares, Kaye. Nobody does. Everyone says that the Games are like a blood-filled drama that will keep you engrossed. While that may be true for the Capitol, it's not the same for the ones who are actually in it. People are in there dying! It's not a game. Once those lives are gone, that's it. There's no cut or wrap or anything like that. People don't get off the stage and go and have snacks to film the next scene. No. They're gone. Gone forever. Leaving behind people who loved them and the life they had the Victors has to live with that for the rest of their lives. I have to live with that the rest of my life!'"
Like seriously best part ever. I'm liking this more and more. I was just so caught up in reading, I couldn't put it down. I mean I did have to but then I went back to reading it like some...crazy ...person - anywho, Kaye is fabulous. Even with a bad foot, she's still strong and how she was with her friends. Very nice touch. I really hope she gets far in the games. It seems that way cause she's got a lot to come back to, I mean every one does, but I guess her life gets to me more. So I totally dig her. (XD not lame.)
Bahhhh, it sucks for Mihailo ... like really sucks. I really don't believe he'll make it at all. But who knows. And then I was expecting some father/son moment ... Wtf!? D: there is none. Who cares about work, he should've been there ... ; n ; really sad bout that. Anyway, his determination to prove this guy wrong might work out in his favor.
And like its totally weird cause I'm from a Sicilian and Hispanic family, Puerto rican to be exact, and so I was like 'Asdfghjkl'! Not really the same but its close enough for me. Lol. But I did enjoy this chapter a lot. I laugh, cried, laugh some more. Can't wait for more. Great job!
Oh right, there's a part where I think you meant 'she said.' Not 'he said.'
| ckrets 8/9/12 . chapter 17
This was a nice chapter. I like Dagan. I want to know more about Sadie's personality in the future. I can't wait for their train rides and interviews!
| LadyIfe 8/9/12 . chapter 21
I'm so scattered brain!
Anyway, I really loved the emotional setting in this chapter. It could've been the major of the characters gave heart felt words to the tributes and vice versa, but it was beautifully done.
Then the fact that they aren't just using strength like muscles, but their smarts. It not always about the psychical features. I think one, if not both, will make far in the games. I also love how the mentors are. They add more to it because it seems like they're opposite of the tributes.
To me at least.
LOL alright one more chapter. :)
| wjjwmsn5 8/8/12 . chapter 15
Great chapter! I can't decide which I love more. I really, really love this story!
| ckrets 8/8/12 . chapter 16
The more I read your story, the more I get attached to these tributes. I adore Beriana. She's such a sweetheart. I love all of these tributes so much. You've developed them so well and it's only the reapings. It's going to be hard watching each of their inevitable deaths.