|Reviews for You can t be sirius!|
| CHM13 4/14/13 . chapter 17
Just read this, I like it. My only comment is some of the spelling, but I think you mentioned English wasn't your first language, so you have done remarkably well. I've just started taking German this year...
| mysterious.girl 4/13/13 . chapter 17
Nice! You have great English, well done! I love Ally's character, please write more soon!
| EmmaBean 2/15/13 . chapter 2
Hi there! So it's German that you primarily speak. Very cool. See that makes so much more sense (btw overall your English is pretty good :). Now I don't speak German, but I love my English, and you did mention you were open to tips, so here goes.
1) When using conjugations, you've been using the accent mark i.e., cant. What you want to actually use is what's called an apostrophe in English i.e., can't. They look ridiculously similar but sadly aren't interchangeable.
2) What you want to aim for with quotes is starting like this, "I am Sirius!" rather than having the beginning quotes be on the bottom line i.e., „I am Sirius!"
3) Try not to start your sentences with "And".
4) Now spelling - spottet is spotted, practally is practically, excitment is excitement, immedately is immediately, etc.
5) In terms of group possession, "there mistakes" ought to be " their mistakes", as there designates a physical place whilst their designates belonging as in "their own clothes" and can be either plural or singular depending on how the pronoun is clarified. Also, "they're" is just the conjugation of "they are". Conjugations are basically the English language's way of doing a legal cheat ;)
6) This sentence: "Like hit by a bat she stumbled back and fell directly on her but" ought to be like this, "Like being hit by a bat, she stumbled back and fell directly on her butt."
7) With this sentence: "Immedately her hand stopped stroking and it almost seemed to Harry, that his godfather was disappointed" the grammar issue here is that you want to use passive voice when the sentence object is more important than the subject. The active voice is generally easier to read. So something kind of like this, "Immediately, her hand stopped its stroking, much to Sirius' growing disappointment, well, at least that's how Harry saw it" is what you might want to be going for. Mind, you can switch it all around etc., just as long as the voice stays active. *(really this one is just a preference thing in my opinion, I still think that, "Immediately, her hand stopped stroking, and it almost seemed to Harry that his godfather was disappointed" is fine too, but idk, you decide haha!)
Anyways, I really hope I'm not being a complete pain in the behind (if I am, feel free to delete my comments : ) but I think it's awesome that you're writing in English even though you don't have to and if I can be of any help w/ these comments, I'd like to be : )
Keep on keep'n on! EmmaBean
| EmmaBean 2/15/13 . chapter 1
So I quite like the content of this story; however, I feel before I even continue reading, I've got to let you in on a little secret...
That being: when you are speaking of ONE person who is female, you should say, "woman" and conversely, when it is a group of female persons you say, "women". A man is singular while men is plural, and so the same rule conveniently applies w/ women. See? :)
I also highly suggest even going back and fixing that error and any others you can find ;), especially as it occurs in the first sentence of the first chapter. For a lot of people it's a turnoff of reading your story.
| bambiboo17 12/13/12 . chapter 15
oh! love it
| bambiboo17 12/3/12 . chapter 14
i like this
| Guest 11/29/12 . chapter 14
I love it. YES YES YES she should definatly wear a dress. I so want to see siriuses reaction. Apart from a few mistakes -which is understandable seeing as its not your first language- it was total and utter epicness ! I loved it. UPDATE
| bambiboo17 11/20/12 . chapter 13
,bleh! i want more
| Beyoutiful coura 10/6/12 . chapter 12
PLEASE UPDATE MORE OFTEN! Loooove tthis story! I understand if u have a life or whatever but my life DEPENDS on this story its soooo good :))))
| Guest 10/5/12 . chapter 12
Haha. It really is epic.
| MaeSilverpaws1 9/24/12 . chapter 11
HI.. poor Ally... but we all know that Siri will nurse her back to health :0)
Hmmmm how long before she can actually talk about what happened?
I beta for a couple people if you would like me to give it a shot for you PM me and I will give a chapter a shot for you if you would like... mae dot evans dot lee at gmail dot com if you want to just email...
Love the story
| AshNox 9/24/12 . chapter 2
This is very good, especially if it's your second language. That always impresses me massively.
Another good chapter :)
| AshNox 9/24/12 . chapter 1
Really enjoyed reading this. There are a couple of typo errors that a spell check would pick up, but the actual content is great. I can't wait to read the next chapter.
| Guest 9/17/12 . chapter 4
Ally is American isn't she? Or German... Or... Now I'm stumped. I'm not sure but she is definitely not British. I can tell by the way she talks, and being an American, I would know.
I like her.
| Kyoki no Megami 8/18/12 . chapter 10
as you can probably see looking at my weird greeting i'm from germany too xD interesting story, enjoyed reading it up till now
hope you continue soon
kyoki no megami
p.s. you mentioned questions about whether or not they come together in the next 3 chapters - i'm more interested if he'll die, like he did in the original story