|Reviews for Dead In The Water|
| Sonosublime 4/18/13 . chapter 13
Bob Zombie Winning
This scene had more chuckling aloud several times. I also really like how you explore everyone's thoughts while the scenes are happening - it gives a lot of insight into their characters. Despite Ellis being a complete asshat, I was able to somewhat sympathise with him (I wish Zoey had this conversation with the entire L4D2 group though. They have a lot to answer to).
Francis and Nick's relationship is golden. I love the dynamic between the two of them.
And it's really great to see a story delve into the origins of the Green Flu, not something you see often on this site. I can't wait to see where you go with this.
My main complaint is with how you're treating Zoey (then again, she always seems to get the short end of the stick in fanfics, my story included. Maybe it's because everyone loves her so much). I like how you're exploring how she is being affected by all the death around her, but why is no one else feeling the same way? And the way that she is practically sent running into Francis' arms at the end. I can understand her feeling comfortable around him, but having her "need" him almost makes her seem like a weak little girl - a vast difference from the strong independent woman that we saw in the game.
That aside, I'm looking forward to seeing where you go with this.
| Sonosublime 4/2/13 . chapter 10
I'm really enjoying this story. i love continuation fics, and this one is one of the best I've seen. your characterisations and explorations of people's thoughts and mindsets is engaging and believable. plus i now see Louis walking around with an awesome sword-cane XD
although I'm wondering why the survivors never tried to find a way to raise the bridge again, choosing to instead go back into the cities. It kind of makes Bill's sacrifice seem pointless. Also, how did the L4D2 survivors find them again, and why are they so much healthier-looking than the original survivors? also, what was the deal with that creepy town with intact bodies? Is that a plotline you plan to revisit later?
anyway, good luck with the future writing. I would love it if you wrote a sequel (and future L4D stories after this), but of course that's up to you.
| Xguy110 3/25/13 . chapter 14
Karma is a bitch.
| xXanonomousXx 2/25/13 . chapter 13
I spent a few days staying up till two in the morning to read this. When I started reading, it took me all day, night, and part of the next morning just to read the first four chapters.
| TheAssassinOfBadassness 2/20/13 . chapter 13
Your story makes mine look even worse... It's so goooooood! For some reason the very few spelling errors remind me that you're human, it's a very strange believe. Your writing is superior to everyone elses!
| Harry-Flashman 2/15/13 . chapter 13
A first-rate chapter showcasing some the best passages I've had the pleasure of reading on the L4D theme. Deft hand with dialog, psyche-reveals plus a wonderfully effective under-stated treatment of the Francis : Zoey physicality and consummation.
P.S. You've captured the classic symptoms of prolonged combat stress and sleep deprivation perfectly - damn fine job. (Whatever happens, Z will have those bad dreams for the rest of her life.) Ideally Francis should now encourage the rest of the squad (comrades) to rally around to help get our favorite wounded warrior's tank refilled.
| Xguy110 2/15/13 . chapter 13
Wait. No sex? Wait. Sex. Dammit. You know technically that Francis is now a perv since he's had sex with someone about 20 years younger?
| Xguy110 2/5/13 . chapter 12
So here's a reasonable explanation as to how Nick and Francis know each other.
| Xguy110 2/5/13 . chapter 11
| Xguy110 2/4/13 . chapter 3
Shotgun pellets can kill. Even without piercing skin, the overall shock of the blast will kill you and fuck you up.
| Xguy110 2/4/13 . chapter 2
You know... I really like this story but I haven't got the time to read it. I'll follow the story.
| Harold3456 1/30/13 . chapter 2
Very impressed so far, I really like your characterization, dialogue and description of setting. It's obvious you take your writing really seriously, which is fantastic for the rest of us.
I'm especially impressed with the restraint you're showing in shipping. I think it's safe to say I'm in the minority in that I'm not much for shipping just for the sake of it, so the fact that you're maintaining more of a will-they-or-won't-they dynamic between Francis and Zoey, interspersed with some actually believable character development, is refreshing.
I only have one question, and that's "why aren't the three survivors on a boat yet?" The whole generator gambit only occurred so the survivors could get a boat under the bridge, so it's implied that they have one. They only went back to lower the bridge again so the L4D2 survivors could ride across it.
I'm currently writing a No Mercy prologue, and had plans to do an epilogue right after that took place. Although a lot of things contradict from your interpretation of events to my own, even this early on, I really don't care much about that. Hopefully in the next couple months I can read all the way through your story and, with your permission, I may even slap a link to it on my profile as a soul sequel to my own.
Anyway, in short your writing's great. Keep it up!
| Harry-Flashman 1/26/13 . chapter 12
A first-rate installment in an engaging, intricate story. My reactions thus:
1. Neat description of combat-related nightmares; it's different between individuals but it's often the surpressed sound-memories rather than the mental images that are the scariest at such times. Also, a sufferer will sleep soundly until about about 3am and then the insomnia will strike with nightsweats and a black, formless anxiety until dawn. Triggered most when tired and stressed - so bravo for that BurnBuddy.
2. Blown away by the crisp dialogue. Well polished, commanding stuff. Always difficult to do well and capture individual's intonations and colloquialisms and easy to become stiff and stilted - so well done in carrying off a talk intensive chapter so well.
3. I liked the plot device to get Francis and Nick to bury the hatchet and form an alliance: those two dudes as a sub-team could be a very, very interesting and formidable pairing. A synergistic replacement for Bill [the human one].
4. Suggest not getting too soppy with Bill the Dog. Yes many folk love Lassie, but it could get a too cliched.
5. Good to see that Francis is getting back on an even keel: more visceral.
6. Interesting to see Zoey finally get close to the mental breakdown [battle fatigue] she has every right to experience by now. Her nightmares and erratic, touchy behaviours are classic symptoms. Hint: a soft chat with Louis and some empathy from Francis won't pull her back from the abyss. She needs at least two weeks complete R&R in a fun, supportive environment surrounded by close mates. This will top up her tank. But everyone is only given so much natural fortitude capital and even R&R rest breaks will only part-fill the account. [Some of the others in the group will also be starting to run on mental fumes too. Louis is a prime candidate for a sudden shell-shock or battle fatigue episode: statistically it will be triggered in or just before a firefight; it'll be a final bridge too far.] Bizarro behaviour [withdrawal, phantom illness and repetitive obsessive-compulsive actions] in the safehouse is another likely manifestation.
Lovin' it Burnbuddy and can't wait to read the next chapter.
P.S. Thanks for your own invaluable feedback - most appreciated!
| Exleader75 1/21/13 . chapter 11
It's been a month.
Anyway, this is one of the few gaming fanfiction I enjoyed reading. This is the only one I could find that brought the two group of survivors minus Bill together.
That's an automatic plus. The plot and pace is another plus. You write well and capture the survivors' chatacters nicely too.
Like the other reviewers before, I have already known attached to these characters including that dog. Your next couple of chapters will follow the 7 survivors plus dog to the Florida Keys, which will be entertaining to read.
The zombies are getting desperate without food, so they will not go down without a fight. And why haven't we seen a witch yet?
Good show! Update soon!
| Harry-Flashman 1/19/13 . chapter 11
OK - finished Chapter 11. Although the intensity dropped momentarily with the introduction of the second group of survivors, it lifted superbly for the Chapter 11 finale.
I agree with another reviewer that you have knitted the second group into the story very well with Nick in particular emerging nicely as a credible and understandable character. Coach and to a lesser extent Rochelle remain, as yet somewhat sketchy ciphers though. Ellis could go either way: there's enough to keep him interesting but he's always at risk of becoming just another second banana who is there simply because he's part of the L4D2 cast. It's interesting too that since the arrival of the second group, Francis has become the story's marquee player and Zoey has moved slightly from center-stage in the story (not withstanding yet another masterful display of field surgery skills!).
One abiding query of mine that started to become more urgent from the time of Zoey's rescue concerns Francis' portrayed ability to intellectualize his rationale for his behavior and feelings towards her in such depth and balance and quality; given his backstory this is a big stretch. After all, language is the limit of anyone's consciousness, and Francis be most unlikely to possess it to the fine and nuanced degree shown. By comparison, Ellis' tongue-tied, bashful gosh-shucks admiration of Zoey-from-a-distance rings more true to life. Please don't take this as a criticism, but simply as an expression of my keen admiration of this story and of my motivation to take it all in.
Bravo mate! I sincerely hope you continue to bring on new chapters.