This is very well detailed and seems to be the start of something epic in scale. I personally am someone who likes to have descriptions so would it be possible to give some idea of the scale of the ships themselves in terms of length width height it comes to naval warfare and space warfare in general I am not an expert but i found your descriptions very easy to understand and am thankful that you did not try to make the space battle the main point unlike other stories where the entire time they are describing the entire space battles which direction each individual ship is moving in also does not feel like other cross overs where an author is fapping about how much this universe kicks that universe's ass and you end up with 50000 x's went and kicked 1000000000 y's ass cuz x is so much better than y.

I've found this story very enjoyable so far, although this seems only to be a prologue of sorts. I'm very curious how this will unfold in the Mass Effect universe, it was stated by another reviewer already that ME has possibly the flimsiest space-based warfare capabilities of any sci-fi I can think of. Of course, this directly relates to the path the Reapers lay down for them to take, but when you throw in a fleet and billions of people from a universe that has been at was for millenia it could get downright ugly (especially if said fleet/people are extremely xenophobic and do not tolerate heretics at all).

Several good points have already been made by Dusel so I won't elaborate on those any more, I'll be waiting to see where this goes!

I really like this story. The fact that you spent over 40k words on back story alone is a testament to your commitment and bodes well for the story. It definitely shows promise and I'll be reading it as more comes out.

I don't know why, but I got a real kick out of The Magos' ship being named Deus Ex Machina. It just made me giggle a bit when I saw it.

I hope to see more soon.

whoa, took some time to chew through :P

Great beginning, will certainly be interesting to see the changes this will cause in ME, especially as they have billions of civilians with them, making them a large power bloc in hte galaxy.

This is a very intriging story.

I have great hope for this story. Beyond the apparent effort showed in this prologue in world building, something all ready remarked by others reviewer and that I find quite impressing, the aspect that inspired such hopes in me is the characterization.

Especially the one of the Warhammer protagonist, it's an unfortunate fact that few author search to really delve into the psychology of the Imperials, and even fewer offers portrayal of characters such as Inquisitor Khan, who while being a obvious product of the perpetually bloody universe of W40k has philosophical leaning and way of thinking near those of the Emperor: benevolent rule.

Anyway. I await with impatience the meeting between these universe, and the spark and changes that will surely follow.

Hello, I noticed this story and was astounded by it's lenght so I decided that I would like to read it. So I did and I'll be writing this review as I read. I will rarely say what I liked, I don't think I need to say things that I liked since I liked them and I will not be giving you opinions on how you should improve your story since you haven't asked of them, rather I will write of things that I found in your story that I do not like about it.

1) I've read about 1/3 of the story by this point and a patern is showing - The Protagonists are ass-kickers and the antagonists do not posses two brain-cells to rub togheter. I've reached the part of Mindoir and I feel that, as a fan of Mass Effect that I inform you of the mistakes you've made as you wrote the attack on Mindoir, most notably I'd like to comment on how utterly unable the Batarians are to do anything, it may just be me starting off Mass Effect playthroughs on Hardcore and Insanity from the get-go but the abilities of the Batarians slavers were just so damn abysmal that I was rolling my eyes at Shepards monologue, it was just that darn embarasing to read such an easy fight where as I play Mass Effect and the weakest enemies drop my shields after exactly one second out of cover.

Furthermore the attack itself, the tragedy of Mindoir was not that the attack happened but how utterly pathetic the Systems Alliance performance was when they came to save the colony, by the time Alliance Marines were deployed Batarian resistance was so stiff and their defences so well prepared that the marines were pinned down and unable to do anything but watch as the Batarians stuffed cages full of screaming humans into their ships, making a clean getaway. That is told if you are Spacer and meat up with Lieutenant Zabaleta and hear his story, he served with Hannah Shepard and was in the counter-attack, his failure to do anything against the Batarians is what made him into a bum living on the Citadel.

It IS interesting though that you are combining Colonist and Spacer into one though.

Also, the other Inquisitor? Trent? Could you have made him less of an idiot? This is the Inquisition we are talking about here after all and their mandate is not something you entrust to a fool, while there are certainly those who are overzealous I had come to expect more of the Inquisition.

And I also cannot fathom the different names? Tenderfoot? An Indian name? The PDF commander? The others? Weird.

2) Also - Systems Alliance Cruisers are always named after Earth Cities, just like Dreadnoughts are named after Mountains and Frigates are named after famous battles. So, uh...the Stratocumulus? Uh, is it an explorer vessel or something?

3) Wait, wait, wait...how can a human-sized man pack a Multi-Melta and a Man-Portable Lascannon and Autocannon when the last two are as tall as Adeptus Astartes. What is this? A Tau made armor? I'm sorry but I cannot even imagine it in my head.

4) I've reached the half-way point and I think the info dumps are getting to me, neccessary as they are to those who are not as familiar to Warhammer lore a great deal of Khan's monologues are aimed at info-dumps, it really makes him look like a ham who is showing off how much he knows. It is an interesting read but you have failed to point out one crutual thing when info-dumping - DESCRIPTION OF THE SUBJECT. I'm sorry but you failed to describe Imperial ships and all that info-dumping will go over the heads of some people as it normally does to me when I'm forced to relay on my imagination alone to give form to what I have read and just saying Cathedrals in space simply does not give Imperial ships their due justice.

5) I'd like to point out that N7 isn't a Standard per-say, the standard is N and there are 7 levels of it though phisically there isn't much difference between levels. Secondly it'd be a waste to send a recruit out of boot to the N7 program, N7 isn't about how phisically strong you are, it's also not about how good a soldier you are, it's about being a leader and making choices. N7 potentials actually train by leading squads through training. Sending a soldier fresh from Basic would be foolish if he or she aren't tested for leadership and decision making qualities.

6) Khan is walking a dangerous line, the Emperor may have wanted to stamp out Religion and have the Gods of Chaos forgothen...but it cannot be denied that he is a God, and that this belief is what has kept the Imperium alive, plus if I remember correctly 20 Adeptus Astartes chapter undertook Crusades into the Eye of Terror because they were found wanting by the Ecclesiarchy, I can't remember if this was DURING Goge Vandir's rule or right after it when Sebastian Thor began his reformations and the Imperium threw itself in one Crusade after another in repentance. And that is where the Irony of Ironies lays does it not? In order for the Emperor to save Humanity he had to become what he tried to stamp out...And it worked.

7) I've reached about 2/3 of the story and that's as much as I'll likely read for now, or maybe ever. Who knows. You should have really cut it down to more menagable chapters, I've been reading it for several hours now(with brakes since the Euro Soccer Championship is on TV and all) but I honestly got tired of it. Plus now you're delving into Shepards early years and as I guessed it's full of messing around with friends and though talk, I don't like though talk.

In conclusion? Your's is a very well written story, I dislike your main character Khan though, doesn't rub me the right way, no humility that man, and Shepard is going to turn into a swear machine isn't he? I'm being rude now, I'm sorry, I dislike it when the Protagonists of stories swear, I actually wince, it is a bad habbit of mine, to swear one that I dislike so I also dislike it when the Protagonists I've supposed to like start swearing, it doesn't make them more likeable, it doesn't make them thougher and if it makes us relate them it makes us relate them to assholes. Damn, I'm still being rude.

Okey I feel that I need to say this at least, there is a gathering of fanfic critics on this website and they have been around for years now, they actively hunt down stories that posses swear words, lemons and smut and spam them full of hate reviews, not only that but they use a macro to spam reports to the Admins about these stories, the Admins have apperently turned a blind eye and just ban the reported fics, though now with the introduction of a Report Captcha...in any case those bleeding heart 'white knights' may get on your case if they find out that Shepard was swearing while still underage. Take care.

Woah.

It took me most of the day to read this whole prolouge, but it was totally worth it.

I seriously don't have words for how much I love it.

Just woah.

Hey great story please continue. By the way when do you think you will be releasing chapter 2.

This was a quite intense read. I think partially because you delved deep into the fiction of your chosen universes. Mass Effect I know quite well having dived into the codex and the novels and such. 40K I have almost no knowledge of at all but despite that, you managed to depict it in a way that allowed me to understand what was going on despite my lack of knowledge of the source material. I personally think that's somewhat key when doing a crossover since you're going to get readers (like myself) who have knowledge of only one side.

As for the story itself, I'll start with the Mass Effect side. I loved the way you expanded and altered Shepard's backstory. The colonist origin isn't given much in the source material beyond the paragraph blurb and the bits you get from the freed slave in ME1. Oh, and a throwaway comment in the prothean DLC of 3. And adding the family stuff was another nice touch since they don't even exist unless you go spacer, in which case you get one phone call in 1 and a news bulletin in 2 to acknowledge them (I don't know about 3). Then there was the war hero stuff. You very specifically called that out as being a bit silly and that most battles are won as a team. The 'Commander Shepard, Saviour of the Universe' thing wouldn't play well with Warhammer from what I understand about that fiction. I guess you're going more in the direction of Shepard fighting not really to protect people but more to purge the disgusting excuses for sapients from the galaxy, an attitude that would fit in much better with Warhammer. Whether Mindoir gave him a 'different, therefore evil' thought process remains to be seen. Combining that with the goodie-goodie war hero background that you technically gave him might prove a challenge if you go that route.

As an aside that doesn't really concern the quality of the fic, was Shepard's ahh... I hate to use the word 'puritanical' but, would his views towards sex and relationships be similar to your own? Not an attack, not a complaint, just curious. Something about the way it was written. Could even consider it a compliment that I believed he believed it so much I believed he believed it because you believe it. Believe me, I was confused by that last sentence too. I suppose his views would sink the romance options right away. Then again, the canon ones were kind of lame so no big loss there.

A-ny-way. As I said before, I know very, very little about the 40K universe besides the four factions and that they all hate each other with a near (and in one case, actual) religious fervour. So the fact that I could even follow the 40K sections is a great accomplishment. You also showed the scale of the conflicts quite well. Having the main force recruited from a planet with a population similar to Earth and having the vast majority of it join up makes it perfectly clear what a massive undertaking the crusade is. That so many had been lost in the very first battle and things move right along afterwards shows what kind of universe 40K is to a layman like me. One where so many people die so often that stopping to think about it is the road to madness. The fact that the 40K protagonist is exactly the kind of philosophical leader who may very well stop and think about it can only be a good thing for this story.

I think this is pretty much the longest review I've left for a story. Worth it though. I absolutely look forward to more.

I have to admit that I was pleasantly surprised by this work. Lordsfire is one of the better writers I've seen on this site, due to his writing of deeper roles and philosophies as seen in "Brutal Harry", but I hadn't had much reason as to elevate him from "acknowledged writer" in my watchlist.

Then came this chapter, and I've promptly raised him to my "most awaited writers" list. He still isn't the best, or even fits into my "top ten" yet in my opinion, but this recent work truly has left me impressed and definetly raised my expectations!

Too bad that means I'm going to really expect a whole lot more from you Lordsfire, but I'm pretty sure you won't fail to meet these new hopes I have.

Why have I raised my opinion of Lordsfire? Because of all the facts and statistics the man has put into this new work. Only extremely dedicated writers ever spend the effort to research even a bit into the respective realms mentioned in their works, instead of just running on whatever knowledge they've gathered from second-hand or personal experience.

Hmm... anyway, onto the chapter. Although its very well written (as expected) and all the included jargon isn't too confusing to us less fanatic 40kers (bordering on nonexistent knowledge of), I can't really say much other than that due to its position as a prologue. The rendition of Shephard's experiences is good, but not really something we didn't know of, and nothing really impressive happens that I can comment on. This chapter was mostly focused on the Warhammer universe and the character Lordsfire has made, and the reason why he ever deigned to leave the 40kverse in the first place (which I still am pretty confused on. Why did he leave? For his subordinates, to explore the new universe, spread the Emperor-God's name, or to just get away from the idiots in his universe? Hopefully that'll be cleared up soon enough).

I have to admit I was also annoyed on how Murphy decided to really piss on poor Zecharias during the battle. Although it made the fight a bit more interesting, it seemed too cliche for my tastes, especially the last minute save on part of the "Robot Hag" whom I had come to understand he wasn't on such cordial terms with.

Hopefully the following chapters will give me more to comment on, but I'll still give Lordsfire thanks for his work. Hope to see more from you soon!

You sir, are a genius.

I deplore multiple-first person viewpoints in a story.

I legitimately ENJOYED that rendition of the principal.

You should write for Black library,-hell is your name Dan Abnett?

Because Zechariah sounded a helluva lot like Eisenhorn to me.

In terms of flavour, this chapter had very strong overtones from Isaac Asimov, Arthur C. Clarke, Frank Herbert and Dan Abnett,-particularly in the 40k sections.

You also proved that the Imperium isn't a shit-hole by default, and all through the actions of a single, motivated Inquisitor\Rogue Trader.

As to the Mass Effect side, I'm going to put this out there now as a reminder:

Mass Effect, military-wise is one of the most drastically under-powered sci-fis there is,-particularly when compared to 40k, and the Imperium in particular, due to the heavy use of las, heat and flame weapons.

Not even the Reapers themselves could concievably hold their own against an IG regiment,-which in terms of firepower is on the lower end of the 40k armies. (Note, their armour, flavour and sheer numbers more than compensates for individual firepower)

So please, don't god-mode Mass Effect.

That's the only concievable path you could take to put these two on an even military footing, particularly in space, where ME is a complete walkover compared to 40k.

As to interaction, it'll be interesting to see how that goes.

Zachariah is evidently a loyal Inquisitor, if not necessarily a puritan one, and he seems more like a recongregator to me rather than a xeno-hybrian.

They going to help Cerberus maybe?

Also, normally with something this good I'd ask for a swift update, but in this case I'll ask you take your time to maintain quality.

It isn't often I give a Favourite Author add straight off from one story, but this more than earned it.

hmm not bad at all...not bad!

it is excellent chapter i look forward to future updates